MY BACKGROUND AND MY SUFFERING.
I had a habit to overanalyze things like conversation or how the others might make an opinion about me. While making a new relationship I used to get anxious (worried about what if I was rejected). I was bombarded with repetitive thoughts about a conversation. I would never get to any conclusion about any event. I was not able to take a stand on issues.I would either be passive or be aggressive with people due to this.
What my boss or co-workers think of me.I lack the confidence and did not have proper boundaries in a relationship. People used to make fun of me I was not able to confront them ( I thought I would hurt their feelings). I neglected my own feeling at the cost of others. I also was terrified about the future as events are uncertain in life.
It took me some time to know that, my brain might be the issue ( Brain lock-2005 a prior book helped me ). Brain lock did not help me much as I found that, When the thoughts come, we are supposed to relabel, but it had no guideline about it.
The refocus step in brain lock made sense as it would involve doing something new. I got to know that I must not make the thoughts to go away as it is counterproductive
Brain lock does not deal with Pure O thoughts, where you get a thought to stab your loved one when you are in front of the knife.Or if you are with your baby on a balcony, you get a thought that you might throw him out. Or the baby might slip from your hand.
Brain lock had a concept of the Impartial spectator, It takes a while to understand who the person is. I kept on going in circles about it. Finally, I found out that this impartial spectator is the one who will neither laugh or cry at any of your life incidents. He will just make a note that a promotion has happened or you have lost your job.He will also not make any comment about the event.
I would go in circles trying to figure out my obsession and compulsion.I was not aware that my compulsions are mental.Obsession could be any thought about myself were there would be some risk or loss associated with it.
But I was introduced to mindfulness and I got aware of "Should" Statements and thoughts are not facts. I took psychotherapy for OCD in New York. A lot of articles from Dr. Steven Phillipson. I was fortunate to have few group sessions with him. I had a one on one with one of his student Doctor. The Doctor told me to practice Mindfulness Meditation ( CDs from Jon Kin bat Jin). I did all this, my rumination decreased a lot. I knew that I have to be in the present moment to have good mental health.I was put on medication for anxiety and depression way back in 2001.I was now able to taper the medication.
NOW HOW THIS BOOK HELPED ME.
I got the kindle version of the book and I read it for some time, I liked all the concept and they all made sense. But the change happened when I bought the audible version of this book. With Audible this book chapters were as good as sessions with a therapist. Although you cannot ask questions while reading. But It makes a lot of sense. It would have taken me a year to understand and make sense of this book. Because I get very less time to read and to make sense you have to connect the dots.
This book as the concept of deceptive message unlike obsessive though it gives you clear guidelines about it This book has two sections
Part 1
It imparts the knowledge about how habits are formed and the biology behind it ( Self-referencing center Uh -oh center ). The author has dropped the corresponding biological names like pitumen in Brain lock. Which is really nice as we need to know the function name and not what it is called in the medical world. This book add's the concept of Wise Advocate and true self, which helps us understand what a deceptive brain message is.
Part 2 of the book is you will actually learn the skills. I was always having issues identifying a deceptive message, but this book has guidelines about a way to confirm it. Mindfulness is integrated. You actually have to do mindfulness meditation, but there NEED's to be few audios for guided meditation.I was doing guided meditation for years, this book tells me that the meditative session will help me to refocus when I am in an analysis bout or stop analysis to begin.
The next concept is progressive mindfulness which I have not practice. But this book is the best book for the price for anxiety. The topic of depression is touched by the author. Depression also needs a lot of education. I would recommend uncommon knowledge site.
There are other programs like Mindfulness-based Cognitive therapy which has mindfulness guided meditations. I feel both MBCT and this book is a way to go.
Conclusion
I learned that all have problem some difficult and some uncontrollable. Problem-solving skill is a key skill for humans to improve their quality of life.
Now I learned that every day we will have thoughts about a ton of problem. This book says what you do that count and not how you feel or think. Now I am learning to live with all my problems without getting into any problem-solving.
Example: My problem getting a raise.What I can do is 1) Work for 8 hours a day. 2) Deliver my work as per the requirement 3) relax and meditate.
I would get thoughts about the raise, but there is no point in doing analysis as to what might have gone wrong.
I can do a controlled [ 30 minute] brainstorming with my friends in six months or a year to find out and learn new things. This would help me to use my imagination in a positive way.
Thus I feel the urge to ruminate would be there, but I would not give in.This book thus gives me confidence that I would get better.
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Perfect
Even better than expected. No writing on it just a little damage on edges but can't complain it's great! So happy 😊
Top reviews from other countries
Vetri
Amazing book for people who suffer from negative abnormal thinking
Reviewed in India on July 23, 2023
