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David E. Clarke Ph.D
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What to Do When He Says, I Don't Love You Anymore: An Action Plan to Regain Confidence, Power, and Control Kindle Edition

by David Clarke PhD (Author), david E. Clarke Ph.D (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
4.3 out of 5 stars 378 ratings

Discarding popular Christian advice to use romance and sweetness to draw a wandering spouse back into a marriage, Dr. David Clarke lays out a tough-love action plan for abused and betrayed spouses to rebuild their marriages through proven steps that will restore self-confidence one step at a time.

"I don't love you anymore." These simple words have the power to send the listener into shock, denial, and desperation. The obvious response is to ask oneself, "What can I do to win my partner back?" In this classic book, Christian psychologist Dr. David Clarke provides just the battle plan needed.

Contrary to what many relationship "experts" recommend—weak, passive plans that involve begging or romancing a spouse back—Clarke offers an approach that he calls guerilla love, which essentially turns the tables on the wandering spouse.

  • Drawing healthy boundaries and restoring your self-esteem
  • Five things your spouse really means when saying, "I don't love you anymore"
  • The most popular "exit lies" and how to see through them
  • Classic symptoms of a person who is having an affair
  • Learning when it’s time to walk away

This book will remind you that you are worthy of love, that you are not a doormat, and that you are a prize. Dr. Clarke will empower and equip you to make the best and most God-honoring attempt at saving your marriage.

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  1. Print length
    226 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Thomas Nelson
  4. Publication date
    September 29, 2002
  5. File size
    3.0 MB
  6. Page Flip
    Enabled
  7. Word Wise
    Enabled
  8. Enhanced typesetting
    Enabled
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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

David E. Clarke, PhD, is a Christian psychologist and speaker and the author of ten books, including Kiss Me Like You Mean It and Married but Lonely. A graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary and Western Conservative Baptist Seminary, he has been in full-time private practice for over twenty years. He lives in Florida. David Clarke is a popular speaker and author, as well as a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice. He holds a master's degree in biblical studies from Dallas Theological Seminary and a PhD in clinical psychology from Western Seminary. David and his wife, Sandy, live in Florida with their four children.

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B000SF89AU
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Thomas Nelson (September 29, 2002)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ September 29, 2002
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 3.0 MB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 226 pages
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.3 out of 5 stars 378 ratings

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  1. David E. Clarke Ph.D

    David E. Clarke Ph.D

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    www.davidclarkeseminars.com

    Dr. David Clarke is a Christian psychologist, popular speaker, and the author of ten books.

    Through his Bible-based teaching and therapy, he guides people toward healthy lives, marriages, and families. Through his entertaining and practical seminars, he presents God's truth in the areas of emotional well-being, relationship building, and development of parenting skills.

    Dr. Clarke has written: Men are Clams, Women are Crowbars, Winning the Parenting War, The Total Marriage Makeover, I'm Not Ok and Neither are You(the 6 Steps to Emotional Freedom), A Marriage After God's Own Heart, I Don't Want a Divorce, I Don't Love You Anymore, Cinderella Meets the Caveman, Kiss Me Like You Mean It, and Married But Lonely.

    An experienced media guest, Dr. Clarke has appeared on shows produced by numerous television and radio networks including Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, and Janet Parshall.

    "The material for my seminars and books comes right out of the Bible, my marriage, and my therapy office. I am a full-time psychologist in private practice. When a principle or technique works for my clients, I put it into a seminar talk and in a book. I don't share theories and what I think might work in people's lives. I only share what I know already works."

    "Most of my work is with couples. I am like a dog on a bone when it comes to saving marriages. I have never recommended divorce in my almost 30 years of being a therapist, and I never will. I believe that with God's help and hard work-the right work-every marriage can be saved and built into a great, intimate marriage. My counseling approach doesn't always succeed, but it often does."

    Dr. Clarke has been married to his beautiful blonde, Sandy, since 1982. They have four children and one incredible, amazing, beyond marvelous granddaughter. He and Sandy live in Tampa, Florida.

    To access my blog, go to www.davidclarkeseminars.com and click on Weekly Marriage Blog.

    Connect with me on facebook :https://www.facebook.com/dave.clarke.16568

    See more on the author's page
  2. David Clarke PhD

    David Clarke PhD

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    Discover more of the author’s books, see similar authors, read book recommendations and more.

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Customer reviews

4.3 out of 5 stars
378 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book provides great biblical advice that has saved marriages and sanity. The pacing receives mixed reactions, with some appreciating the step-by-step approach while others find it too direct. The strength of the book is also mixed, with some describing it as "tough love on steroids." Customers have mixed feelings about the anger level, with some finding it okay to be angry while others disagree. The book's approach to fidelity receives criticism, with one customer noting how it uses religion as a one-sided battering ram.

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48 customers mention "Advice"43 positive5 negative

Customers find the book's advice helpful, particularly its biblical guidance and approach to marriage difficulties, with several mentioning how it saved their marriages and sanity.

"...So overall I think the advice is good but it is a risk you are going to decide to take...." Read more

"...This book reminded me that I am worthy of love, I am not a door mat, and I am the prize...." Read more

"...the Lord is using to help me to work through things emotionally and spiritually...." Read more

"...It gave me the courage, along with a really excellent counselor, to set some boundaries and to begin taking my power back...." Read more

13 customers mention "Pacing"9 positive4 negative

Customers have mixed opinions about the pacing of the book, with some appreciating its step-by-step approach and directness, while others find it hateful.

"Really easy to read and well organized. Excellent book that has helped me get unstuck in two days of reading it...." Read more

"...I really appreciate that there are steps throughout the book to provide guidance in dealing with a spouse who is living in sin...." Read more

"...He is very rough and unloving..and his approach is somewhat abusive...." Read more

"...reading this book couldn't put it down, it charges you up and gives you step by step what to do with that cheating, unfaithful, disloyal spouse." Read more

11 customers mention "Strength"6 positive5 negative

Customers have mixed reactions to the book's strength, with some finding it tough and others describing it as "Tough love on steroids."

"...Tough love on steroids! Abused and betrayed spouses Dr. Clarke’s proven steps will restore your self confidence one step at a time...." Read more

"...insight on perhaps one of the most sad, difficult, and troubling situations in marriage, and instead of providing Biblical guidance, it simply fuels..." Read more

"...I've read tough love before, but as this author states, this is BEYOND tough love!..." Read more

"...Adultery is a very serious sin and should not be taken lightly." Read more

8 customers mention "Anger level"5 positive3 negative

Customers have mixed feelings about the book's approach to anger, with some finding it okay to express their emotions, while others find it confrontational and potentially abusive.

"...It catapults the abused into a position of powerful, confrontational, methods to snap a sinning spouse back to biblical behaviors...." Read more

"...in marriage, and instead of providing Biblical guidance, it simply fuels anger, deceit, control, and division in an already volitile..." Read more

"...It gave me permission to feel angry at the way I was treated and to vent my anger in ways that really helped me in dealing with the pain and..." Read more

"...This book showed me that it was okay to be angry...that how he ended our 25-year relationship was wrong...and that his adultery is not justifiable...." Read more

8 customers mention "Fidelity"5 positive3 negative

Customers have mixed opinions about the book's approach to fidelity, with some appreciating its Christian perspective, while others criticize its one-sided religious approach.

"...the abused into a position of powerful, confrontational, methods to snap a sinning spouse back to biblical behaviors. Tough love on steroids!..." Read more

"Wow. This one took me by surprise. It masquarades as a book of Biblical insight on perhaps one of the most sad, difficult, and troubling..." Read more

"One of the best things about this book is that the ultimate goal to hope for is repentance and reconciliation...." Read more

"...when you read this book you will understand it is your Godly role to NOT submit to sin, and that is a huge weight lifted off your shoulders...." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

  • The Rebecca Review
    5.0 out of 5 stars Intense Advice for Restructuring a Marriage Gone Awry!
    Reviewed in the United States on August 12, 2024
    Verified Purchase
    David Clarke is a therapist who counsels lots of couples going through hard times. His advice is about restructuring a marriage and setting new boundaries when lines have been crossed. If your husband has told you that you should just agree to a divorce and divide the money then you should be very worried and cautious about what might happen next. Your very security is being pulled out from underneath you and you should be very angry about this immediately. If you are not angry, reading this book will clue you in to the reality of your situation.

    This book is also about husbands who stray and what to do about that. The advice is a beyond tough love approach and takes a very strong person to implement. In fact the author suggests lots of ways to gain support in your community before you even start the process. What he suggests may sound totally over the top and you might actually not be that angry until the situation becomes worse. When you realize what is being stolen from you then you might decide to take action against forces working to destroy you.

    I am happy I read this book as it alerted me to a lot of things I wasn't paying attention to. The subtle hints of trouble are real and marriages on the brink of divorce need speedy and corrective action. You may have let things coast for years or even decades before reading this book. Even simple things like just not cooking for three weeks may make a man miss what he regularly is used to. When dinner is not on the table, the wife seems calm and comfortable about the situation and needs are not being met, the man may come around sooner than expected. "Are we ever going to the grocery store again?" he may ask. A man who thinks he wants to be a bachelor again should get a taste of what that really entails.

    So overall I think the advice is good but it is a risk you are going to decide to take. The author says you have nothing to lose, but it is probably a fact that a small percentage will lose their relationship because it was dead long ago. For those wives who win the war however, victory will be sweet.

    I am not a psychologist or doctor nor am I a therapist I've just seen what works for some men. The tough love approach may be a last resort! But what is worse is divorce and being separated from the man you love. I do however think prayer is much more powerful than the author indicates. A woman who gets down on her knees and begs God for help is more likely to recover her marriage in the end. Because God will then lead her to books like this! End of story!

    ~The Rebecca Review
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  • Eni_M
    5.0 out of 5 stars Time to do you boo boo!
    Reviewed in the United States on May 2, 2020
    Verified Purchase
    This book saved my marriage, along with creating boundaries and trusting God. This book reminded me that I am worthy of love, I am not a door mat, and I am the prize. If your husband/wife is on the verge of walking out on you, let them walk, know that when they say they’re in love with someone else or willing to look you in the eye and tell you they’re no longer in love with you. Then that is you cue to run, the image of the marriage you had is dead. It does not exist and the sooner you can get on the same page as them the sooner they will realize how amazing you truly are. It’s their loss not yours, even if your world feels as if its crumbling down. This book with help you get rid of a wish bone and build a back bone. Chances are you’ve been doing it way to long on your own and have just been in denial. It is not your job to fix what they’re is so willing to throw away. Please know that if you were able to find happiness in something so broken how happy you’d be with someone willing to put as much effort into your relationship as you’ve done throughout these time. Even if that time spent is finding yourself. This book provides amazing tools to apply to a situation that cannot be accomplished on your own. It’s a great read filled with eye opening revelations and a MUST Buy!!
    14 people found this helpful
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  • Kelly Sue
    5.0 out of 5 stars Tough love on steroids!
    Reviewed in the United States on May 31, 2019
    Verified Purchase
    Best Biblical advice on tough love I have EVER read! It catapults the abused into a position of powerful, confrontational, methods to snap a sinning spouse back to biblical behaviors. Tough love on steroids! Abused and betrayed spouses Dr. Clarke’s proven steps will restore your self confidence one step at a time. I believe his approach is a long overdue SHOUT OUT to Christian leadership who fail to help the desperate cries of the abused. Excellent content for successful attempts to bring the abuser face to face with their sinful behaviors and what they are about to lose if the abuser doesn’t repent and commit to ALL the steps necessary to heal the abused as well as spiritual realignment; first of themselves then the marriage and any children. No matter where your “love” state of mind may be in your marriage, I urge you in faith to do these steps, connect with Dr. Clarke and give yourself the opportunity to see what God can do and provide yourself the peace of mind that you did everything you knew to do to save your marriage and family. It will be a long journey, think about the best and worst case potential outcomes! I say the abused deserves to know they did this tough love approach even if the abuser refuses to return and follow Christ. Abused you can truly say you did everything you could to save your marriage! Who knows that you have not been called to such a time as this. It’s not a coincident you’re reading this content-God is good at being God! It’s hard work so Trust the proven process you can do it!
    24 people found this helpful
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  • Mike Dunn
    4.0 out of 5 stars Great resource for the wounded spouse
    Reviewed in the United States on March 29, 2014
    Verified Purchase
    Reading this book was very cathartic for me in some ways. It gave me permission to feel angry at the way I was treated and to vent my anger in ways that really helped me in dealing with the pain and devastation I still feel. I haven't been able to express any of this to the person who hurt me because she's out of my life now but even so it enabled me to stop making excuses for the way she treated me and to squarely confront her actions for myself. The one danger for me was allowing the anger to remain after holding it in for such a long time. I still pray about it every day. My life will never be the same again but Dr. Clarke's book is something the Lord is using to help me to work through things emotionally and spiritually. This is a very valuable book for the wounded spouse in an adulterous situation and probably the only feasible path to any possible healthy reconciliation with the wandering spouse. It reminds me a lot of Dr. Dobson's book Love Must Be Tough and applies the same principles even more vigorously and directly.
    10 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • J Andrews
    5.0 out of 5 stars Empowering for a betrayed spouse. Clarified so many things I had wondered about
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 27, 2018
    Verified Purchase
    Brilliant for helping a betrayed spouse get their head together, amid a sea of confusion; make a decent plan of action, know what help to get and where to get it, and execute it. The list of excuses a spouse will throw at you really are textbook... it's brilliant. I've read LOADS of books and not found material like this.
    I had tried for years to save my marriage with no effect. After 4 years apart I read the book, did the plan and it helped me draw a line under the relationship, having done every strategy available to me over that period.
    The book made me realise why the other strategies had not worked - because he was not 100% committed to the relationship. And this is what it challenges. AND it offers hope, because anyone who is only 50% committed can change and become 100%...
    Standing up to my spouse was really terrifying for me which is why I avoided it for years, but really it's the best thing... speak the truth in love. If you don't tell the truth they don't get the chance to know you and the relationship's built on a farce. You can do this. You can.
    If you are reading this and you are unsure about buying it, buy it. What do you have to lose? If it's not for you resell it.
    One person found this helpful
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  • lynn williamson
    4.0 out of 5 stars Good
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 11, 2022
    Verified Purchase
    I hard fact, no nonsense approach to the sin of adultery in an attempt to save the victim from further damage.
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