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Member of the Club: Reflections on Life in a Racially Polarized World Kindle Edition
"In Member of the Club. [Graham writes of] heartbreaking ironies and contradictions, indignities and betrayals in the life of an upper-class black man." --Philadelphia Inquirer
Informed and driven by his experience as an upper-middle-class African American man who lives and works in a predominately white environment, provocative author Lawrence Otis Graham offers a unique perspective on the subject of race. An uncompromising work that will challenge the mindset of every reader, Member of the Club is a searching book of essays ranging from examining life as a black Princetonian and corporate lawyer to exploring life as a black busboy at an all white country-club. From New York Magazine cover stories Invisible Man and Harlem on My Mind to such new essays as "I Never Dated a White Girl" and "My Dinner with Mister Charlie: A Black Man's Undercover Guide to Dining with Dignity at Ten Top New York Restaurants," Graham challenges racial prejudice among white Americans while demanding greater accountability and self-determination from his peers in black America.
"Lawrence Graham surely knows about the pressures of being beholden to two very different groups." --Los Angeles Times
Lawrence Otis Graham is a popular commentator on race and ethnicity. The author of ten other books, his work has appeared in New York magazine, the New York Times and The Best American Essays.
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherHarperCollins e-books
- Publication dateMarch 17, 2009
- File size4.6 MB
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"In Member of the Club. [Graham writes of] heartbreaking ironies and contradictions, indignities and betrayals in the life of an upper-class black man." --Philadelphia Inquirer
"Lawrence Graham Surely knows about the pressures of being beholden to two very different groups." --Los Angeles Times
Lawrence Otis Graham is a popular commentator on race and ethnicity. The author of ten other books, his work has appeared in New York magazine, the New York Times and The Best American Essays.
About the Author
Lawrence Otis Graham is a nationally-known attorney and commentator on race and politics in America. A contributing editor at U.S. News #38; World Report, he has written 13 books and appeared on the cover of New York Magazine after leaving his law firm and exposing bias at a Greenwich country club. Graham is a graduate of Princeton and Harvard Law School. He lives in Westchester County, New York.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
A Member of the Club
Reflections on Life in a Racially Polarized WorldBy Graham, Lawrence OtisPerennial
Copyright © 2004 Lawrence Otis GrahamAll right reserved.
ISBN: 0060984309
Chapter One
Invisible Man
Why This Harvard-Trained LawyerWent Undercover as a Busboy at anAll-White Connecticut Country Club
I drive up the winding lane past a long stone wall and beneath an archway of sixty-foot maples. At one bend of the drive, a freshly clipped lawn and a trail of yellow daffodils slope gently up to the four-pillared portico of a white Georgian colonial. The building's six huge chimneys, the two wings with slate gray shutters, and the white-brick facade loom over a luxuriant golf course. Before me stands the one-hundred-year-old Greenwich Country Club--the country club--in the affluent, patrician, and very white town of Greenwich, Connecticut, where there are eight clubs for fifty-nine thousand people.
I'm a thirty-year-old corporate lawyer at a Midtown Manhattan firm, and I make $105,000 a year. I'm a graduate of Princeton University (1983) and Harvard Law School (1988), and I've written ten nonfiction books. Although these might seem like impressive credentials, they're not the ones that brought me here. Quite frankly, I got into this country club the only way that a black man like me could--as a $7-an-hour busboy.
After seeing dozens of news stories about Dan Quayle, Billy Graham, Ross Perot, and others who either belonged to or frequented white country clubs, I decided to find out what things were really like at a club where I heard there were no black members.
I remember stepping up to the pool at a country club when I was ten and setting off a chain reaction: Several irate parents dragged their children out of the water and fled. When the other kids ran out of the pool, so did I--foolishly thinking that there was something in the water that was going to harm all of us. Back then, in 1972, I saw these clubs only as places where families socialized. I grew up in an affluent white neighborhood in Westchester, and all my playmates and neighbors belonged to one or more of these private institutions. Across the street, my best friend introduced me to the Westchester Country Club before he left for Groton and Yale. My teenage tennis partner from Scarsdale introduced me to the Beach Point Club on weekends before he left for Harvard. The family next door belonged to the Scarsdale Golf Club. In my crowd, the question wasn't "Do you belong?" It was "Where?"
My grandparents owned a Memphis trucking firm, and as far back as I can remember, our family was well off and we had little trouble fitting in--even though I was the only black kid on the high school tennis team, the only one in the orchestra, the only one in my Roman Catholic confirmation class.
Today, I'm back where I started--on a street of five- and six-bedroom colonials with expensive cars and neighbors who all belong somewhere. Through my experiences as a young lawyer, I have come to realize that these clubs are where businesspeople network, where lawyers and investment bankers meet potential clients and arrange deals. How many clients and deals am I going to line up on the asphalt parking lot of my local public tennis courts?
I am not ashamed to admit that I one day want to be a partner and a part of this network. When I talk to my black lawyer or investment-banker friends or my wife, a brilliant black woman who has degrees from Harvard College, Harvard Law School, and Harvard Business School, I learn that our white counterparts are being accepted by dozens of these elite institutions. So why shouldn't we--especially when we have the same credentials, salaries, social graces, and ambitions?
My black Ivy League friends and I know of black company vice presidents who have to ask white subordinates to invite them out for golf or tennis. We talk about the club in Westchester that rejected black Scarsdale resident and millionaire magazine publisher Earl Graves, who sits on Fortune 500 boards, owns a Pepsi distribution franchise, raised three bright Ivy League children, and holds prestigious honorary degrees. We talk about all the clubs that face a scandal and then run out to sign up one quiet, deferential black man who will accept a special "limited-status" membership, remove the taint, and deflect further scrutiny.
I wanted some answers. I knew I could never be treated as an equal at this Greenwich oasis--a place so insular that the word Negro is still used in conversation. But I figured I could get close enough to understand what these people were thinking and why country clubs were so set on excluding people like me.
March 28 to April 7, 1992
I invented a completely new rsum for myself. I erased Harvard, Princeton, and my upper-middle-class suburban childhood from my life. So that I'd have to account for fewer years, I made myself seven years younger--an innocent twenty-three. I used my real name and made myself a graduate of the actual high school I attended. Since it would be difficult to pretend that I was from "the street," I decided to become a sophomore-year dropout from Tufts University, a midsize college in suburban Boston. My years at nearby Harvard and the fact that my brother had gone there had given me enough knowledge about the school to pull it off. I contacted some older friends who owned large companies and restaurants in the Boston and New York areas and asked them to serve as references. I was already on a short leave of absence from my law firm to work on a book.
I pieced together a wardrobe that consisted of a blue polyester blazer, white oxford shirt, ironed blue slacks, black loafers, and a horrendous pink, black, and silver tie, and I set up interviews at clubs. Over the telephone, five of the eight said that I sounded as if I would make a great waiter. During each of my phone conversations, I made sure that I spoke to the person who would make the hiring decision. I also confirmed exactly how many waiter positions were available, and I arranged a personal interview within forty minutes to an hour of the conversation, just to be sure that they could not tell me that no such job was available.
"We don't have any job openings--and if you don't leave the building, I will have to call security," the receptionist said at the first club I visited in Greenwich.
I was astounded by the speed with which she made this remark, particularly when I saw that she had just handed an application to a young-looking Hispanic man wearing jeans, sneakers, a T-shirt, and sunglasses. "I'm here to see Donna, your matre d'," I added defensively as I forced a smile at the pasty-looking woman who sat behind a window.
"There's no Donna here."
"But I just spoke to her thirty minutes ago and she said to come by to discuss the waiter job."
"Sorry, but there are no jobs and no one here named Donna."
After convincing the woman to give me an application, I completed it and then walked back into the dining room, which was visible from the foyer.
I came upon a white male waiter and asked him, "Is there a Donna here?"
"The matre d'?" he asked. "Yeah, she's in the kitchen."
When I found Donna and explained that I was the one she had talked to on the phone forty minutes earlier, she crossed her arms and shook her head. "You're the 'Larry' I talked to on the phone?"
"Yes," I answered.
"No way."
"I beg your pardon," I said.
"No. No way," she said while refusing to take the application I waved in front of her.
"We just talked on the phone less than an hour ago. You said I sounded perfect. And I've waited in three different restaurants--I've had two years of college-- You said you had five waiter jobs open-- I filled out the application-- I can start right away--"
She still shook her head. And held her hands behind her back--unwilling to even touch my application. "No," she said. "Can't do it."
My talking did no good. It was 1992. This was the Northeast. If I hadn't been involved, I would never have believed it. I suddenly thought about all the times I quietly disbelieved certain poor blacks who said they had tried to get jobs but no one would hire them. I wanted to say then and there, "Not even as a waiter?"
Only an hour earlier, this woman had enthusiastically urged me to come right over for an interview. Now, as two white kitchen workers looked on, she would only hold her hands tightly behind her back and shake her head emphatically. So I left.
There were three other clubs to go to. When I met them, the club managers told me I "would probably make a much better busboy."
"Busboy? Over the phone, you said you needed a waiter," I argued.
"Yes, I know I said that, but you seem very alert, and I think you'd make an excellent busboy instead."
In his heavy Irish brogue, the club manager said he needed to give me a "perception test." He explained it this way: "This ten-question test will give us an idea of your perception, intellectual strength, and conscious ability to perform the duties assigned to you as a busboy."
I had no idea how much intellectual strength and conscious ability (whatever that meant) could be required of a busboy, but here are some of the questions he asked me:
1.If there are three apples and you take two away, how many do you have?Continues...
Excerpted from A Member of the Clubby Graham, Lawrence Otis Copyright © 2004 by Lawrence Otis Graham. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Product details
- ASIN : B000UOJTU8
- Publisher : HarperCollins e-books (March 17, 2009)
- Publication date : March 17, 2009
- Language : English
- File size : 4.6 MB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Not Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Print length : 322 pages
- Page numbers source ISBN : 0060984309
- Best Sellers Rank: #1,056,751 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #41 in Mixed Heritage & Multiracial
- #1,222 in Cultural Anthropology (Kindle Store)
- #1,301 in African American Studies
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
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Customers find the book informative and well-written. They find the writing insightful and thought-provoking, with some facts being shocking. The author's writing quality is also praised.
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Customers find the book engaging and informative. They describe it as a well-written memoir with an interesting perspective on racism. Readers consider it a must-read for Caucasian Americans.
"I think this is a must-read for any Caucasian American. Excellent writing. He shares his experience with clarity, honesty, and intensity...." Read more
"...He read it very quickly upon receipt. He said it was a great read." Read more
"...Overall the book is a decent read. You are not going to come away with any revelations but, it still worth the read." Read more
"The book is very good but it is disheartening to see how desperate some people are. Large in their world but very small outside of it." Read more
Customers find the book insightful, interesting, and poignant. They describe it as a remarkable set of essays, compelling, informative, and well-written. Readers appreciate the author's clarity, honesty, and intensity in sharing his experience.
"I too found Graham's book insightful and quite succinct for the most part...." Read more
"...Excellent writing. He shares his experience with clarity, honesty, and intensity. More compelling a story than any fictional page-turner." Read more
"...Although the book is a bit dated, the information is still valid. Interesting...and some of the facts are shocking. Glad I read it." Read more
"Enjoyed the perspective and thought provoking way Lawrence took us through his life changing experiences...." Read more
Customers appreciate the writing quality. They say the author is excellent and they love the book.
"I think this is a must-read for any Caucasian American. Excellent writing. He shares his experience with clarity, honesty, and intensity...." Read more
"Love the author. But this book is not that good." Read more
"...Excellent, well written and somehow the author brings humor to a topic that in all seriousness is not funny." Read more
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on May 1, 2024A inside view of personal accounts! As Our Kind of People was as well!
As interesting as " Our Kind of People!
- Reviewed in the United States on November 21, 2013I first heard Lawrence Graham on This American Life reading essentially the first essay in his book. To find out what the inside of the all-white country club was like, he got a job there and the only position available to a black man was as a busboy. There were club members making racist or sexist comments in front of him as if he wasn't there. Another eye opener was his "Black Man's Undercover Guide to Dining with Dignity at Ten Top New York Restaurants." Repeatedly, Graham was mistaken for an employee -- coat checker, valet, restroom attendant -- and when he finally got seated, the location and treatment by the staff were insulting. Even at the one restaurant that merited his highest rating, he experienced other patrons refusing to be seated nearby so that it was the only vacant table for almost the entire evening.
This was a disturbing book. Although written 20 years ago, these issues are still alive and strong. A level playing field is many decades away. Or centuries.
- Reviewed in the United States on March 24, 2007I too found Graham's book insightful and quite succinct for the most part. Graham displays a remarkable ability to step out of the trappings of his (exceedingly) privileged life to see how the other half lives. In so doing he exposes the vicious and endemic racism that rages virtually unchecked among many wealthy (and otherwise) whites when they think they are out of earshot and cannot be held accountable. This is never more true than in his first and most famous essay, where he dons the persona of a humble busboy working at an exclusive,all-white country club. On the other side of the tracks, he makes a daring pilgrimage to Harlem, living for a time in a vermin- and crime-infested tenement. Miraculously adopting a Clark Kent-Superman change of clothing and affect, he pays a visit to an enclave of rich black Harlem residents who have the means to send their kids to private schools and have their shopping done elsewhere, virtually disconnected from the surrounding blight. Here he manages to lift the veil of class that separates upper-, middle- and lower-class Blacks. Even while indicting well-to-do Blacks for their seeming indifference to those less fortunate, Graham manages to suggest that those in dire predicaments bear a modicum of responsibility for their own plight. In this last essay, Graham's tour of Harlem makes an appropriate bookend of a journey that is a sobering (and ultimately dismaying) assessment about race, class and culture in America.
- Reviewed in the United States on February 4, 2013As a Hispanic man I can directly relate to Otis Graham, even in 2013 I am still experiencing the same treatment from the part of whites. I always get this subservient role, when I’m at stores or restaurants regardless on how I’m dressed people will always assume that I’m part of the help. It is in the white U.S. psyche that people of color and other races are not supposed to achieve the same levels as whites are. In just plain casual conversations even ignorant whites will just believe that they “know” more than a person of color does. At work white people expect us always to falter, so they could capitalize on our mistakes, as Supreme Court judge Sotomayor resumed all the challenges in her life with a short quote: "There were vultures circling, ready to dive when we stumbled”. I guess I already grew accustomed to the vultures, as every person of color should be since we cannot change the consciousness of that bigotry that is inherently ingrained on the white mentality. The great benefit about it is that by being on guard makes you 10 times better than your competitors, but the demise is that you can never dream about reaching the top……
- Reviewed in the United States on January 11, 2015I think this is a must-read for any Caucasian American. Excellent writing. He shares his experience with clarity, honesty, and intensity. More compelling a story than any fictional page-turner.
- Reviewed in the United States on November 20, 2014I got this book for my dad for Father's Day. He read it very quickly upon receipt. He said it was a great read.
- Reviewed in the United States on March 23, 2023This book is nearly unreadable because of the lousy print quality in the pages. Also, the photo of Graham on the front looks forged or reprinted. I'm sure this isn't pirated copy, but it sure has a lousy quality to it. I should have just gotten the kindle version.
- Reviewed in the United States on February 13, 2013Product arrived on time and in good condition. Read it all in a short two days. recommended as a good boo
Top reviews from other countries
- J. RobinsonReviewed in the United Kingdom on January 8, 2014
2.0 out of 5 stars A fully-paid up member of the club
This guy falls and fauns over the very things that he claims to be criticising. It was written some years ago. It might be good to see if he is anymore enlightened.