I may have read a different book or at least had a different perspective. The other reviewers found the h to be cold and abusive. I just thought she was a young woman trying to find a way to have a sense of self with the man she loved and married. She struggled with his overwhelming personality and her own immaturity and lack of assertiveness. She tried to tell him there were problems but not only did she lack the tools to articulate what she was feeling but Zito always brushed away her concerns without listening, also using sex to distract her. He later admitted to doing this on purpose because hearing that she thought there was a problem made him fear he could not keep her. Zito ran their marriage the same way his father and grandfather ran their marriages. However, Roxanne was not raised in a patriarchal family. She'd never had to fight for her autonomy and didn't know how to fight for it with Zito. She really struggled with her decision to leave but she knew if she didn't she would disappear as an individual and she knew if she stayed that Zito would always get his way by using sex.
Zito knew there were problems but he wasn't willing to help the much younger Roxanne figure out what she needed he just kept on doing what he'd been doing but more. Shower her with possessions, hire people to do everything so she'd have nothing to worry about, make all her decisions for her, and distract her with love (sex). Some people say that one definition of insanity is to keep on doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Zito may have been a little insane, certainly obsessed, and maybe the only way Roxanne could save herself was to leave. I think it's pretty clear that Zito would never have agreed to go to counseling before Roxanne left.
As to the abuse issue, she shouldn't have thrown the shoe at him, she did feel bad about it immediately and apologized later when they made love and made up. However, she'd just found out that Zito had got her pregnant on purpose (control issue), and then threatened to use his resources to keep the baby if she left.
I don't know about other women but I would have a problem in a marriage where decisions weren't discussed, where I was presented with the house we would live in after the deal was already done. I would want to look at homes together, discuss them and share in making the decision. So Zito wasn't perfect and he didn't have the excuse of youth.
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