I finished this book at 2am last night and since then I have been contemplating what to say in this review (without writing a novel!). I have worded and re-worded this review many times as to not cause a war among commenters (that is not my intention). Hopefully, I have succeeded. . .
I have also been a long time follower of the show like other commenters here and I also wasn't a big fan of Taylor's in the first season. That said, I was interested to hear her story. I read the comments before I read the book and thought, "Oh, boy. This is not going to be good." I typically read 1-2 books a week and also like a well-written book. I actually was pleasantly surprised by the book! It was an easy read, very informative. It didn't have enough commentary on her thoughts and feelings, but I've heard that is a common beginner's writing mistake, so I don't fault her for it. It read a bit more like a magazine article than a book - lots of facts. But, as a long-time viewer of the show, I was very interested in what Taylor's everyday life was like and also the events leading up to the horrific tragedy of her husband's death, so I appreciated the facts.
Okay, now on to the content. . .
Although I watched every episode of the show multiple times (thank you, Bravo marathons) and would occasionally click on a news article covering the aftermath when I was browsing the web, I have no idea if the inconsistencies in the book vs. what is in the media are true. But, if there are inconsistencies, I don't blame Taylor. Media articles are not written by her. . .of course there is a chance that the facts could be distorted. I've heard it more than 100 times - "Don't always believe what you read in the papers" and I've actually seen evidence of this myself first-hand in my town, so I try not to judge. I took the book as a stand-alone work. And if there were inconsistencies between her public interviews and the book, again I am not going to judge. I don't always get my facts straight. I read things I wrote even 2 years ago and think, "I wrote this?! I did this!? I don't remember that!"
I do want to say that I have a similar up-bringing to Taylor. To put it bluntly, I grew up in a very economically-distressed small southern town on the wrong side of the tracks. It was my sister, myself and my mother and stepfather. There was abuse - emotional (soooooo much emotional abuse!), physical, and sexual. My parents were alcoholics and my mother would buy alcohol before worrying about buying food, parents of my friends would never let them come to my house (and I never understood why), my sister and I were always dirty and our house was infested with insects and fleas. So, having said all of that, I get it. I get doing irrational things to try and be accepted. I get making poor decisions because you feel you have no other choice. I get turning your head the other way even when you know there is bad stuff going on. I get Taylor.
It was a heart-breaking story for me. I understood the submissiveness, always thinking everyone is better and smarter than you. I understood never wanting to be alone, I was very very VERY lonely growing up. The day I found my husband and had someone to really care about me was the best day of my life. And I understand wanting to be someone else and listening to your "normal" friend's family stories with envy on your heart.
The domestic abuse she described felt real to me. For other commenters, I read that they had also experienced domestic violence and felt Taylor was lying because of their past experiences. I felt the opposite. I lived with a mother who was abused for YEARS and Taylor actions were very similar to my mother's. In fact, Taylor's story gave me such insight into my mother's world. I have always believed there was a lot my mother hid from me and now I feel pretty confident that was the case.
What I do want to commend Taylor for is laying it all out on the table. It felt believable. It felt transparent. Maybe for some, her behavior may seem too absurd? I'm just guessing here. For me, there are things in the book that I have done and my sister has done as well. The only difference is that I don't publicly admit these things - I bury them (not a good thing). I am ashamed of them. And here, Taylor is laying it all out. And for that, I love her! It is very brave to write a book like this. You are putting yourself out there to be openly mocked, berated and criticized.
I fell asleep last night feeling empowered. I was thinking exactly what Taylor has hoped, "If she told her story, maybe I could tell mine?" There are things that are so bad, I can't even tell my husband. And then I thought, "I HAVE buried so much. I AM ashamed. I DO blame myself for what other people have done." The abuser I grew up has moved on to another family now that my mother finally threw him out and I worry everyday that he is probably inflicting the same emotional damage on them that he did us. And then, last night, it hit me. I haven't told ANYONE about him because I have been too ashamed, too scared, and felt like no one would listen or care. But yet, I am scared for this new family. I worry about them! I SHOULD take a stand - even if I'm criticized and berated. And so I ask you, "Would you support me in my stand??" I might not get the facts straight and I might not tell you all the ugly details (as some are just too disgusting and humiliating), but I DO want to TRY to help. And I do want to TRY and save others from the hurt that was done to me and my family. Isn't that what it's all about? Trying to do good?
I am damaged, scared, and not a confident person - for the very same reasons I should speak out. And yet, maybe...maybe I don't speak up for this very reason right hear on this Amazon page! Because I am scared of the thought of being called a liar, being called stupid for not leaving sooner, being judged as a horrible person for putting others in harm's way or maybe even being deemed a participant. But, yet, the events that transpired in my life are so personal to me. I have carried them in my heart for 20+ years. And to be berated or mocked would be devastating.
We as women should band together and support each other. Rally against abuse and domestic violence and robbing children of their innocence. Don't rally against the victims themselves. I commend Taylor for TRYING to use her platform for this purpose. Even if others didn't think it was enough, for me I say "Thank you, thank you, thank you for trying! It was enough for me!" And I'm okay that she wants to make money from this book. She has a child to support. I would do it too. I think many would do it too! That is one reason why I bought the book - to support Taylor.
I didn't take Taylor's book to be the ANSWER to domestic violence or abuse. I felt she was just telling her story for what it was. I could see her "mistakes" from a mile away. I could see how irrational she was being. Yet, in my own life, I often can't see the mistakes I'm making because it's my life and my emotions. You be the judge as to what she did wrong and what she did right and try to apply it to your own life - that is what I felt was the purpose of the book.
The one thing that did make me batty about the book is that I thought she came off as very defensive throughout (especially at the end). I could almost visualize her sitting there in front of me pleading with me as to why she made certain choices. And, to that, I realize that that is who she is. Throughout the entire book, she has painted a very vivid picture of a woman who is not confident and needs that the acceptance of others. But, again, having grown up where I did, I GET IT. Half of the moms on my block were the same way.
I hope Taylor continues to find her voice and I wish her the best.
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Top reviews from other countries
Magee
"Hiding from Reality " was very compelling .
Reviewed in Canada on January 18, 2013
Elaine Dempsey
Read this book if you have ever watched the show
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 22, 2012
sarah crawshaw(parker)
Very sad story but yet hard to put down
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 9, 2013