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John Bayley

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Elegy for Iris Kindle Edition

by John Bayley (Author) Format: Kindle Edition

4.3 117 ratings

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"I was living in a fairy story--the kind with sinister overtones and not always a happy ending--in which a young man loves a beautiful maiden who returns his love but is always disappearing into some unknown and mysterious world, about which she will reveal nothing."

So John Bayley describes his life with his wife, Iris Murdoch, one of the greatest contemporary writers in the English-speaking world, revered for her works of philosophy and beloved for her incandescent novels.

In Elegy for Iris, Bayley attempts to uncover the real Iris, whose mysterious world took on darker shades as she descended into Alzheimer's disease. Elegy for Iris is a luminous memoir about the beauty of youth and aging, and a celebration of a brilliant life and an undying love.

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

"This splendid book enlarges our imagination of the range and possibilities of love." --Mary Gordon, The New York Times

"Without a hint of sentimentality, treats hopelessly sad things in a manner that celebrates eternal human verity...Magnificently, hauntingly humane." --Michael Pakenham, The Baltimore Sun

"Bayley's restrained and elegant love song to his wife of 42 years...is beautiful and heartbreaking. Full of spirit, generous and resilient." --Gail Caldwell, The Boston Globe

"A heart-melting love story and an erudite inquiry into the nature of personality, memory, and invention. Wise and full of grace." --Shelby Hearon, The Chicago Tribune

--This text refers to the cassette edition.

From Publishers Weekly

It is seldom that someone at once so brilliant and so visible as novelist Iris Murdoch develops Alzheimer's disease in full public view; seldom, also, that a sufferer from this dreadful malady has so skilled and loving an interpreter by her side. Bayley, a noted literary critic (and, recently, novelist) in his own right, has been married to Murdoch for 40 years, and part of the charm of this enormously affecting memoir lies in the ways in which he shows the affections of old age as in no way slower than the passions of youth. Murdoch was already a dashing and rather mysterious figure when she and Bayley met in the Oxford of the 1950s; she was a philosophy don at a women's college who had just written a much-admired first novel; he was a bright, rather naive graduate student. Something mutually childlike clicked between them, however, and a naked swim in the River Isis (which later became a fond habit lasting even into Iris's illness) cemented their loving friendship. Writing with great tenderness and grace, Bayley evokes their long, warm, mutually trusting marriage, and introduces in the gentlest way the moments, four years ago, when he realized that his wife's sense of reality and of herself were slipping away. She is now anxious, repetitious and often nonsensical in her speech, but still suffused with the same quizzical sweetness and absolute trust he loved in her from the start. Few people afflicted with an Alzheimer's partner can be as self-effacing and endlessly patient as Bayley, but in a way almost as mysterious as the creation of a Murdoch novel, he evokes depths of understanding and warmth that seem scarcely ruffled by the breezes of the conscious mind. This beautiful book could hardly help being deeply consoling to anyone thus afflicted; it is also a compelling study of the overthrow of a remarkable spirit. First serial to the New Yorker.
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the cassette edition.

Review

“This splendid book enlarges our imagination of the range and possibilities of love.” ―Mary Gordon, The New York Times Book Review

“Magnificently, hauntingly humane.” ―Michael Pakenham, The Baltimore Sun

“Bayley's restrained and elegant love song to his wife of 42 years . . . is beautiful and heartbreaking. Full of spirit, generous and resilient.” ―Gail Caldwell, The Boston Globe

“A beautifully rendered portrait . . . Bayley reaffirms how suffering can ennoble the human heart. [Elegy for Iris] is an affecting remembrance of one of the great literary marriages of our time. It celebrates the victory of life--and love.” ―Wendell Brock, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

“A heart-melting love story and an erudite inquiry into the nature of personality, memory, and invention. Wise and full of grace.” ―Shelby Hearon, The Chicago Tribune

“Elegy for Iris is a work of art. As beautiful as it is wise, Elegy for Iris has already become a classic memoir and a remedy for modern love. Read it and, if you dare, give it to someone you love.” ―Tom D'Evelyn, Providence Sunday Journal

“Here, between the covers of an incredible book, is love . . . that doesn't hedge, love for which there are no ready outs, love that feels as inevitable as breathing, and the result is stunning.” ―Abraham Verghese,The Los Angeles Times Book Review

“Heartfelt and admirably unsentimental . . . a testament to a love that has endured and transcended the most terrifying ravages of illness and old age.” ―Francine Prose, Elle

“In Elegy for Iris I find my mother and father, my wife's parents, our friends, and us. I find shared lives, and hurts and forgivenesses, and joys that are greatest because nobody else knows them.” ―Dan Rather

--This text refers to the cassette edition.

Amazon.com Review

In one of literary history's ghastlier ironies, Iris Murdoch, the author of such highly intellectual and philosophical novels as A Severed Head and Under the Net, was diagnosed in 1994 with Alzheimer's disease, which slowly destroys reasoning powers, memory, even the ability to speak coherently. Her husband, English literary critic John Bayley, unsparingly depicts his wife's affliction in prose as elegant and accessible as hers always was. Readers may wince at the spectacle of Murdoch glued to the TV watching the Teletubbies program, unable to perform tasks as simple as dressing herself and prey to devastating anxiety as the world becomes less and less comprehensible to her. We understand Bayley's occasional fits of rage when his caretaking chores overwhelm him. Yet in the end his memoir is touching, even inspiring. As he recalls their first meetings and marriage in the 1950s, it becomes clear that theirs was always an unconventional union, in which solitude was as important to each of them as togetherness and Bayley was content to let Murdoch keep her inner life to herself. He loves Iris, the woman, not the intellect, and he conveys an essential sweetness about his wife that endures even as her mental faculties deteriorate. This totally unsentimental account of their life and her illness is nonetheless a heartbreaker. --Wendy Smith --This text refers to the cassette edition.

About the Author

John Bayley is an eminent literary critic who taught at Oxford for more than 30 years, and was chairman of the Booker Prize Committee. Iris Murdoch died in February of 1999.

--This text refers to the cassette edition.

From Library Journal

English author and philosopher Iris Murdoch is best known for her novels, which are filled with characters embroiled in philosophical conflicts. In this memoir, her husband, a renowned literary critic, presents his insights into her creativity, her personality, and their relationship. Even after 42 years of marriage, Murdoch remains an enigma to him. Though he always felt safe and comfortable with her?"protected from the world"?he had "no idea of what she was doing or how." She seemed to spread "an involuntary aura of beneficence and goodwill," yet it was in her ceaseless invention that she seemed to live most fully. Reminiscences of the past are juxtaposed with the reality of the present, in which Bayley tries to cope with the daily frustrations of caring for Murdoch now that she has Alzheimer's disease. His bouts of worry, anger, and pity are always tempered by his deep concern for her welfare. This book will appeal to Murdoch fans and is appropriate for public and academic libraries.?Ilse Heidmann, San Marcos, TX
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the cassette edition.

From Kirkus Reviews

A sweet if somewhat old-fashioned memoir about a literary marriage. Bayley, author of the novel The Red Hat and a noted critic, met novelist and philosopher Dame Iris Murdoch (Jackson's Dilemma, 1996, etc.) while he was teaching at Oxford's St. Anthony's College and instantly came under her sway. Though Murdoch was less quick to return his affection, she too fell in love after a delightfully disastrous date in which a well-advertised restaurant served them ``nasty'' food and Murdoch herself fell down some stairs on her way to the dance floor; these mishaps unearthed the couple's deepest connection: a fine sense of humor, indeed, their joy in private jokes and laughs. In her time, Murdoch was a woman of unconventional intelligence and independenceshe had a long string of lovers, did not want children, had an almost slovenly disregard for her appearance, and was in no hurry to get married, though she never seems to have doubted that Bayley should be the groom. Using flashbacks, Bayley lightens his accounts of Murdoch's present disappearance into Alzheimer's disease with happier memories of their long, comfortable life together, a life filled with trips, summer swims, and pleasure in books. Bayley clearly adores and admires his celebrated wife, and his care of her illness is a model of devotion. This unalloyed affection is refreshingly sweet, but too often his descriptions of Murdoch edge over into the saccharinefor him she is ``Christ-like''and the result is an unusual lack of insight into her abilities. Would the woman who never took any interest in children really have ``looked after [her own child] better and more conscientiously than most mothers, and no doubt would have brought it up better, too''? Nonetheless, this seems an appropriate error for a loving husband to make, and the book's intimate tone will surely please both his fans and hers. (6 b&w photos, not seen) (First serial to the New Yorker) -- Copyright ©1998, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved. --This text refers to the cassette edition.

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B00F8G6G54
Publisher ‏ : ‎ St. Martin's Press (October 15, 2013)
Publication date ‏ : ‎ October 15, 2013
Language ‏ : ‎ English
File size ‏ : ‎ 994 KB
Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
Print length ‏ : ‎ 220 pages

Best Sellers Rank: #892,734 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #252 in Biographies of Philosophers (Kindle Store)
- #564 in Alzheimer's Disease
- #955 in Philosopher Biographies

Customer Reviews:
4.3 117 ratings

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4.3 out of 5

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John Thorndike, Author of "The World Against Her Skin"

Alzheimer's Takes A Hand in The Game

Reviewed in the United States on March 16, 2009

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An elegant book which seems to drift along, sometimes idly, through the lives of Iris Murdoch and John Bayley. In fact, Bayley has structured his memoir with great care and is completely in control.

I originally picked the book up because of my interest in Alzheimer's. There is little on this through the first section of the book, labeled "Then," but Bayley's prose is nimble and his observations about his courtship with Iris and their long marriage are both fresh and tender. The title of the book is exact: this is an elegy for Iris Murdoch, and a lovely portrait of England's much-beloved writer.

Still, once Bayley enters the "Now" section my interest in the book doubles, as we hear how anxious Iris has grown, how uncommunicative and fearful. The last fifty pages of the book, presented as dated journal entries, are genius. Here are Iris and John, at ten every morning, watching Teletubbies on the BBC. "There are the rabbits!" Bayley says. The author, it's worth noting, is one of England's best-known literary critics--but one of his charms is how completely he yields to what has happened to Iris's mind, and to the demands of her care.

Not inevitably, of course, for there are times he grows frantic. "Iris's fear of other people if I'm not there is so piteous that I cannot bring myself to arrange for care-givers to `keep her company,' or to take her to the age therapy unit." As a result: "Wild wish to shout in her ear, `It's worse for me. It's much worse!'"

Day by day they grow physically closer, more tightly bound. Their old independence is gone, and Bayley must live with that. After forty years of taking their marriage for granted, he says, "marriage has decided it is tired of this, and is taking a hand in the game. Purposefully, persistently, involuntarily, our marriage is now getting somewhere. It is giving us no choice--and I am glad of that."

Bayley never pontificates. He has no helpful tricks, no suggestions on how to make things better. Instead, he gives us agile descriptions of how he and Iris swim together, lie in bed together, take trips together, go to parties and talk to strangers--as month by month it all grows more impossible. Like marriage, Alzheimer's has taken a hand in the game, which they will play out to the end.

6 people found this helpful

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EdJoanne Hollatz

Four Stars

Reviewed in the United States on March 24, 2015

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A fascinating account of the relationship between two literary notables.

One person found this helpful

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Melanie "Vaxxed & Masked" Gilbert

Sailing Into Darkness

Reviewed in the United States on September 22, 2017

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In 1996, one year after novelist Iris Murdoch told an interviewer that she was struggling with severe writer’s block, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, a neurodegenerative disorder that destroys memory and other mental functions. Her husband, writer John Bayley, becomes her primary caretaker. He also becomes her chronicler, keeping detailed notes about her stunning and precipitous decline before she dies of the disease in 1999.

“Elegy for Iris,” is released almost a year before her death, when her body is going through the motions of living that her mind has long since abandoned. Murdoch’s fall is even more horrifying given her stature and accomplishments at the height of her literary powers. The disease transforms an erudite and vibrant woman into a murmuring simpleton who delights in watching “Teletubbies,” a children’s show, on the television.

In contrast to many other memoirs about disease, “Elegy” mentions doctors only one time, and it is in the context of her brain scans reminding Bayley of a map of the Amazon – vast, dark and unknown. That kind of poetic interpretation infuses this entire work. The disease is what she now isn’t, and her absence is heartbreaking. The loss feels palatable even if you don’t know her work. “Elegy” is a sad but lyrical tribute to an amazing woman by the deft writing of a devoted and literate husband.

4 people found this helpful

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Terry D

The book arrived, timely, and a good condition

Reviewed in the United States on April 22, 2024

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I couldn’t really get into this book. The writing was somewhat draggy. I appreciate the fact he wrote it, but it just wasn’t what I was expecting. But like I always say about books it’s like art it’s everyone’s personal interpretation.

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ibn rushd

The best treatise on Alzheimer’s

Reviewed in the United States on October 11, 2023

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Without being prescriptive one learns how to live with that disease. The insight into one of the twentieth century’s best novelists is welcome, but it is Bayley’s own interest in love and work that ha so much to teach us.

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Frank Richards

John Bayley's Elegy for Iris

Reviewed in the United States on January 7, 2009

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A very good read.

There is still, as should be, much curiosity about the Platonist philosopher and writer of many novels, Iris Murdoch. In this memoir, John Bailey relates tales of his relationship with Iris, his wife. He talks of their initial meetings, their marriage, their dwelling spaces, and those special little affinities and gestures that only exist in a long-term congenial marriage. He speaks of his own minor conceits and foibles in a very honest and telling way. And he describe's his wife's behavior as Altzheimer's sufferer.

I got the feeling (perhaps wrongly) that Bailey started this record up during her illness to deal with it, as one deals with other aspects of life through use of a diary or journal. As evidence, toward the end of the book, he does shift outright to journal entries. It appeared to me that he might have started the journaling, then swung back to the beginning to take a longer view of their relationship. These sections o fthe book are appropriately labeled "Then" and "Now."

The book is very descriptive of their life together. Even though they were different, their differences complemented each other. And they did have common interests--in nature, swimming, travel, their living spaces, their friends and acquaintances.

From Bailey's description, you get the feeling someone truly important is now missing from the world.

Nicely done.

4 people found this helpful

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Top reviews from other countries

B. Cowie

An interesting read,counts towards dementia training!

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 29, 2014

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I work in a home that has dementia residents, so this book can count towards my annual training. With this book I saw the dementia from Iris's husband's view too.

One person found this helpful

Meufapolo

Lovely memoir

Reviewed in France on June 18, 2013

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Iris Murdoch is someone I've only recently discovered as a writer, a great writer and her portrait, as she is seen and remembered by her hubbie, tells us as much about him as about her, and much about their marriage.

Memoir is as much about the writer as about the person being remembered...I wonder what he left out.

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