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Piers Anthony
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Board Stiff (Xanth Book 38) Kindle Edition

by Piers Anthony (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 508 ratings
Kandy may be bored stiff, but a magical mishap makes her problem literal in this hilarious novel in the New York Times–bestselling Xanth series.

In the land of Xanth, where everyone has a unique magical talent, adventures come easily to most. But two inhabitants find themselves quite bored . . . until they’re inadvertently thrust together on a mission to save Xanth from an anti-pun virus that could turn their world into just another Mundania.

Irrelevant Kandy is gorgeous, but thanks to a mental typo and an ornery wishing well, she’s now an actual board—with mind control powers. So much for her big plans for adventure, excitement, and romance. And Ease has his own problems, namely that everything is just too easy. He craves a challenge.

Fortunately, Humfrey the Good Magician is more than happy to provide them with a quest. The duo—along with a basilisk bodyguard in the form of a young woman and nefarious android Com Pewter—is tasked with saving the puns of Xanth. But who could have released a virus that would destroy Xanth’s essence, and can Kandy and Ease figure out how to stop it in time?
 
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  1. Book 38 of 47
    Xanth
  2. Print length
    284 pages
  3. Language
    English
  4. Publisher
    Open Road Media Sci-Fi & Fantasy
  5. Publication date
    July 1, 2014
  6. File size
    3.7 MB
  7. Page Flip
    Enabled
  8. Word Wise
    Enabled
  9. Enhanced typesetting
    Enabled
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There are 47 books in this series.
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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Piers Anthony is one of the world’s most popular fantasy writers, and a New York Times–bestselling author twenty-one times over. His Xanth novels have been read and loved by millions of readers around the world, and he daily receives letters from his devoted fans. In addition to the Xanth series, Anthony is the author of many other bestselling works. He lives in Inverness, Florida.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Excerpt from Chapter 1: Board

She looked at her reflection in the water of the shallow well. Luxuriant midnight black hair to her breathtakingly slender waist, matching dark eyes in a lovely face. A torso coming yea-close to absolute perfection. She was man's desire. That was part of the problem.

Well, on with it. “Oh, Wishing Well, they say you will grant any wish, provided you like the offering given for it. But that if you don't like the offering, you may still grant the wish, but not in a way the wisher wants. So the wisher is sorry she ever bothered you. So it's a gamble, because no one really knows what you like.”

She paused, but of course there was no answer. The surface of the water remained mirror-smooth. But it did seem to be listening.

“They also say that the correct way to approach you is to introduce yourself, explain your situation, make your wish, and then drop the offering into the water. That the wish will be granted instantly, and that's it; if you don't like the way it is done, you're still stuck with it. You don't do un-wishes.”

There was a faint ripple. Was that interest?

“I was named Irrelevant Kandy, because—well, I don't exactly know why. But I think I was named in part after the irrelephant, which is a large white or pink animal with a very long nose that is incapable of making any difference no matter how hard it tries. My name is a curse, because everyone ignored me, thinking I was irrelevant, when I'm actually a very pretty girl, as you can see. So I tried going by my initial instead. That made me I Kandy. Then everyone looked at me. In fact they looked too much; their eyes wandered to places that, well, made me blush. Wherever I go, now, those Wandering Eyes pursue me. I almost feel them peering down inside my halter and up under my skirt, trying to pull off my clothing. They don't care about me at all, just how I look, or how certain parts of me look, and their cynosure makes me feel dirty there. This is no good either.”

She paused again. Now there was a stronger ripple, almost in the shape of an eye. The well was definitely looking. She hoped it was orienting on her face.

“So I'm caught between two extremes: irrelevance, or getting eyed.

Maybe that's my talent; I'm not aware of any other. This ruins my social life. I'm actually a smart girl who would make any man an excellent wife. But no man sees that. No man is interested in my mind or personality, just my whatevers. So here is my wish: I'm board stiff. I want Adventure, Excitement, and Romance.”

Now the ripples made her reflection shimmer. She definitely had the wishing well's attention.
“I searched all over for a suitable offering,” she continued. “It occurred to me that how you look is governed by the sand on your bottom. It is frankly sort of dull. So I found a pretty colored stone that should add interest. Here it is: my offering, and I hope you like it.”

She brought out the stone, which was like a faceted blue diamond, sparkling all over. She dropped it into the well.

Something happened. A sudden whirlwind surrounded her, lifting her up and ripping off her clothing. She was changing, somehow. Then she fell flat on the ground.

Literally. She had been transformed into a flat, stiff board with two knotholes for eyes.

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B00KLOXZ8E
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Open Road Media Sci-Fi & Fantasy (July 1, 2014)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ July 1, 2014
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 3.7 MB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 284 pages
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 508 ratings

About the author

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Piers Anthony

Piers Anthony

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Piers Anthony is one of the world's most popular fantasy authors, and a New York Times bestseller twenty-one times over. His Xanth novels have been read and loved by millions of readers around the world, and he daily receives hundreds of letters from his devoted fans.In addition to the Xanth series, Anthony is the author of many other best-selling works. Piers Anthony lives in Inverness, Florida.

Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
508 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers enjoy reading the book. They find the puns entertaining and the story exciting with plot twists. The characters are described as interesting and ingenious. Readers appreciate revisiting old characters and revisiting the classic Xanth series.

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ReadabilityPunsStory qualityCharacter developmentXanth content
64 customers mention "Readability"60 positive4 negative

Customers enjoy the book's readability. They find it enjoyable and relaxing to read, with a pleasant tone and subtle innuendos. Readers appreciate that the book requires close attention and rewards them with an entertaining novel.

"Awesome...lots of puns, adventure and magic...I'm 71 yrs young and have been reading most of piers books over and over for about 50 yrs...wonderful..." Read more

"...It's still a fun series and I still enjoy reading it. Like I already said, if you're looking at it with a critical eye, go somewhere else...." Read more

"...I read this adventure into the land of Xanth and was rewarded with a delightful and entertaining novel...." Read more

"Really good read as is all the Xanth books I love them all and am finally catching up on them all again" Read more

51 customers mention "Puns"48 positive3 negative

Customers enjoy the puns in the book. They find it entertaining and humorous, with fantastical word usage. The book is described as a lighthearted, tongue-in-cheek read with outrageous puns.

"Awesome...lots of puns, adventure and magic...I'm 71 yrs young and have been reading most of piers books over and over for about 50 yrs...wonderful..." Read more

"...It's still a fun series and I still enjoy reading it. Like I already said, if you're looking at it with a critical eye, go somewhere else...." Read more

"This is another fun and exciting story full of interesting characters developing their personalities and friendships while completing a quest for..." Read more

"...into the land of Xanth and was rewarded with a delightful and entertaining novel...." Read more

30 customers mention "Story quality"27 positive3 negative

Customers enjoy the story's quality. They find it exciting, with interesting characters and plot twists. The book is described as fun and entertaining, with puns and clever wordplay that expands upon the previous stories. Readers mention the series got them interested in fantasy, with decent world-building but not great.

"Awesome...lots of puns, adventure and magic...I'm 71 yrs young and have been reading most of piers books over and over for about 50 yrs...wonderful..." Read more

"This is another fun and exciting story full of interesting characters developing their personalities and friendships while completing a quest for..." Read more

"...a way of keeping the audience with his writings and I do enjoy the whimsical world of Xanth and the residents thereof." Read more

"...I think that made more, for me anyway, a much better story than the general one: Will Ease ever break the spell involving Kandy?..." Read more

14 customers mention "Character development"11 positive3 negative

Customers enjoy the character development in the book. They appreciate revisiting old characters and new concepts. The characters are described as ingenious, with magical talents and creatures.

"This is another fun and exciting story full of interesting characters developing their personalities and friendships while completing a quest for..." Read more

"...Plus a little more sex than usual. Still, lots of fun and character growth as they work through the quest." Read more

"...Some new characters and ideas and some old characters. As always filled with puns, some cute, some funny, some groaners...." Read more

"...The only problem I had with this book is that one of the main characters is just a prop. He's there to facilitate the protagonist's goals...." Read more

7 customers mention "Xanth content"7 positive0 negative

Customers enjoy the Xanth content. They find it a great classic series with puns that make them smile. The book revisits the world of Xanth and is consistent with the series.

"Continuation of Xanth saga. It is consistent with the Xanth world...." Read more

"Another pun-filled journey through Xanth. I love every one of them!" Read more

"I LOVE PIERS ANTHONY BOOKS AND AND HIS XANTH BOOKS ARE THE BEST. READ ALL THE XANTH BOOKS THIS ONEWAS GREAT BARB" Read more

"I love The Xanth series and all the puns make me smile. Its like visiting old friends, some zanier than others." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

  • Bambi Whitaker
    5.0 out of 5 stars Board stiff
    Reviewed in the United States on January 12, 2025
    Verified Purchase
    Awesome...lots of puns, adventure and magic...I'm 71 yrs young and have been reading most of piers books over and over for about 50 yrs...wonderful author!
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  • Joel Dalton
    4.0 out of 5 stars Another fun and light-hearted read.
    Reviewed in the United States on August 1, 2016
    Verified Purchase
    This is another good book in Piers Anthony's 'Xanth' series. It's not the best one I've read, but if you're a fan of the series then you'll enjoy this book. If you're not a fan, I still think you'll enjoy it, maybe just not be as forgiving of some of the elements.

    I see this series get a lot of flack for different reasons. I started reading it as a young male and enjoyed a lot of the gratuitousness of reading about the female centaurs and nymphs running around. I'll be honest that I still like the gratuitousness of a lot of Anthony's series. The thing someone should keep in mind when reading 'Xanth' is that if you're looking at it with a critic's eye, you should set it down now. Anthony has stated that he specifically writes, to some extent, to screw with the critics. He initially intended this to be either a stand alone book or a trilogy. Some critics panned it and talked about the puns. If you've read any of his books at all, you'll see the groan inducing amount of puns. He really doesn't care what the critics think and I think we need more of it. I enjoy these books and enough other do that he's currently up to 39 books in the series, as of this posting.

    Also, I don't think a lot of the issues are as large as people think they are. One of the main critics I've seen is about his portrayal of women. I keep seeing how he's shallow and sexist. While many of the men in the series may only have 'violating the adult conspiracy' in mind around women in these books, it almost seems a façade to me. A lot of the stuff I read people are offended by, I read as poking fun at the issue. Anyone who's read the books knows that the women in this series hold the real power. There is even a female king at this point.

    Like I said, a lot of the issues get poked fun at in the guise of perpetuating them. However, I'm currently doing a nostalgic reread of the entire series and underneath all the puns I see themes of inclusion, tolerance, mixed race families, and other similar themes.

    As for this particular book, it's no different. It's about a girl who feels objectified. She makes a wish at a magic wishing well to get what she thinks is a better life. Like many other characters throughout the series, her wish is granted, but not in the way she expects. When her adventure is concluded I think she's found what she was looking for, though it wasn't what she thought. The only problem I had with this book is that one of the main characters is just a prop. He's there to facilitate the protagonist's goals. He is basically treated like a clueless idiot and is shunted to the side while the "adults" talk. I would have like to have seen this character fleshed out more. Even a dummy can feel more real. That's my only issue with this volume.

    This series does have a format to it. A character has a problem, they go for the ubiquitous visit to the good magician, only to get a vague answer to their question and be sent on a quest with companions. Along the way they go through challenges and learn lessons before finding their happy ending, even when it's not what they originally expected.

    It's still a fun series and I still enjoy reading it. Like I already said, if you're looking at it with a critical eye, go somewhere else. If you want to have a fun fantasy romp, then grab any of the books in this series.
    9 people found this helpful
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  • Kindle Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars A hilarious quest!
    Reviewed in the United States on December 8, 2024
    Verified Purchase
    This is another fun and exciting story full of interesting characters developing their personalities and friendships while completing a quest for Xanth!
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  • hAbitat
    5.0 out of 5 stars Like all of Xanth novels this is good reading
    Reviewed in the United States on March 16, 2014
    Verified Purchase
    I was at an airport quite a while ago, and I picked up the book "Dragon on a Pedestal" and got my first taste of Xanth! I finished that book and found the first of the series and read them all! I read this adventure into the land of Xanth and was rewarded with a delightful and entertaining novel. I try to read all of the Xanth novels as they become available however I fear that I may have missed some, but I will try to make up for that. Piers Anthony has a way of keeping the audience with his writings and I do enjoy the whimsical world of Xanth and the residents thereof.
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  • Sherry mesey
    5.0 out of 5 stars Good book
    Reviewed in the United States on July 3, 2023
    Verified Purchase
    Really good read as is all the Xanth books I love them all and am finally catching up on them all again
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  • Albert
    4.0 out of 5 stars If you like puns and the Xanth series...
    Reviewed in the United States on January 1, 2014
    Verified Purchase
    I absolutely love this book. It is the latest of the Xanth series. It has puns galore as is expected in this series. Even though this book is about the main characters of Ease and Kandy, I was rooting for Astrid, one of the supporting characters, to find love-not that I have anything against the main people. But it wasn't obvious for her since she is (spoiler alert) a basilisk-turned human. She, plus Pewter, have to learn the nuances of human friendship. I think that made more, for me anyway, a much better story than the general one: Will Ease ever break the spell involving Kandy? I couldn't put the book down; I finished it within half a week. Kudos to Piers Anthony with continuing to entertain his fans and new readers with his Xanth series
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  • MEB Haskell
    3.0 out of 5 stars Another Xanth set of problems which can only be solved by puns
    Reviewed in the United States on June 2, 2017
    Verified Purchase
    It has been many years since I last read one of Piers Anthony's Pun stories. Not surprisingly, I still find them as enjoyable and funny as I did long ago.

    This story is about a quest several people undertake to prevent a virus from destroying puns throughout Xanth. They approach King Humphries who sends them on a quest to find the antidote to the pun destroying virus. At each step in this quest, others join the search and find their own solutions.

    Fun, pun-filled story that expands upon the 37 earlier stories. Nice to know these books have retained their sense of fun.
    One person found this helpful
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  • Kristi
    5.0 out of 5 stars Great classic Xanth
    Reviewed in the United States on January 14, 2017
    Verified Purchase
    I've always been a fan, and this one did not disappoint. 5 stars! The puns were, as usual, outrageous. I especially liked the board, which the book is named after, and the Sequins of Events. I thought that would've made a great name of a book on it's own, by the way.

    I'm excited to see what comes next, because this one set up quite a few powerful alliances, so I'm sure these alliances will play into future Xanth novels. This is encouraging, because I'm not ready for the series to end!

    My only critique is that there were more editing errors than I would've liked to see, but that is not a reflection of the author in any way. Should've been caught in editing. Some errors always get through; I realize that, but there was more than the usual here I thought.
    One person found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • rew
    5.0 out of 5 stars Great quality
    Reviewed in Canada on December 1, 2023
    Verified Purchase
    Great service and book is in great shape.
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  • Tanya Keast
    5.0 out of 5 stars Good read
    Reviewed in Australia on May 19, 2017
    Verified Purchase
    Love Piers Anthony, another example of funny humour, well-delivered
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  • Braindead53
    5.0 out of 5 stars Typical amusing Xanth book.
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 9, 2017
    Verified Purchase
    Typical amusing Xanth book full of puns. I enjoyed it but some people could find it irritating and it can be silly. If you've enjoyed any of these books before you will love this one. If not then try it.
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  • Amazon Customer
    4.0 out of 5 stars Never disappointed
    Reviewed in Canada on April 7, 2017
    Verified Purchase
    You have to be a Piers Anthony fan to appreciate his sense of humor. Personally I find his books to be an excellent way of leaving reality behind for a few hours at a time.
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  • DR PAUL E HELLIWELL
    4.0 out of 5 stars adequate
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 29, 2014
    Verified Purchase
    Outcome predictable as girl meets boy and struggles to resolves what is going on. Other characters not all well developped.
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