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Carol Botwin

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Tempted Women: The Passions, Perils, and Agonies of Female Infidelity Kindle Edition

by Carol Botwin (Author) Format: Kindle Edition

4.3 16 ratings

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Over the past ten years, the number of wives who have affairs has grown dramatically—recent surveys suggest by as much as 50 percent. Yet in all the acres of space devoted to male infidelity, so far this has been a largely untouched subject. In this guide, Carol Botwin—advice columnist, therapist, and author—rushes to help rather than condemn. Drawing from six hundred interviews and case histories—with both husbands and wives—Botwin examines causes, initial attractions, affairs in progress, endings, and aftermaths. Throughout, she offers her experienced advice and solutions on how to deal with a lover, children, and husband after the affair has dealt a devastating blow to the marriage. Other books by the author include Men Who Can’t be Faithful and Is There Sex After Marriage?

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Botwin ( Is There Sex After Marriage? ) tackles a topic still taboo to many: female infidelity. Basing her observations primarily on 250 responses to a survey she conducted, she draws such conclusions as: 50% of married women have cheated; the male lover is usually married; women are more likely than men to end a marriage over an affair and less likely to end the affair; and affairs usually start as friendships. In this sample, the male partner is often the woman's boss. Using an entertaining collection of case histories, Botwin defines types of relationships (including the "everything but" affair in which there is no sex), examines the situations and psychological factors that prompt women to affairs and suggests factors that predict whether a woman will cheat. While Botwin is neither moralistic nor judgmental, her authority is seriously limited by the narrow constraints of her research and by such stereotypical generalizations as "obsessed by the relationship . . . women have their lovers constantly in their minds" and "wives in affairs are restless and distracted creatures." First serial to Redbook.
Copyright 1993 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

In popular, journalistic style, Botwin tackles a current hot topic--the indiscretions of the married woman. The book relies heavily on her advice columns and is liberally sprinkled with lengthy quotations from women relating their experiences. Botwin postulates that women are likely to be much more emotionally involved in their extramarital affairs than men, and she describes the consequences of these entanglements. Without making value judgments, she considers circumstances where affairs can be a positive experience. She also provides guidelines for salvaging a marriage following the discovery of a liaison. Unfortunately, the book as a whole lacks depth, though her definitions of "true love" are right on target and very powerful. Still, there will probably be a large demand for this titillating topic.
- Carol Glatt, VA Medical Ctr., Philadelphia
Copyright 1993 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Kirkus Reviews

Botwin (Men Who Can't Be Faithful, 1988, etc.) enters the dialogue on female infidelity previously dominated by Dalma Heyn (The Erotic Silence of the American Wife, 1992). On the basis of 250 letters she solicited as part of an office-affair survey, as well as on ``other case histories,'' Botwin claims that ``we are currently living in a world of tempted women''--one in which 40% of wives cheat (Botwin calls this a conservative estimate, despite the finding in a recent National Opinion Research Center survey that only 13% of marriages face infidelity). Moreover, unlike Heyn--who sees most female infidelity in an upbeat light--Botwin believes that unfaithful wives ricochet from bed to bed in a state of unhappiness and confusion: Her text is larded with quotes from letters by cheating wives who underscore the general theme of angst. According to Botwin, studies show that women have affairs for different reasons than men--among them, marital dissatisfaction and a desire for friendship rather than sex (women who work are particularly susceptible). What's more, women apparently feel much more guilt about extramarital relationships than men do. Still, Botwin identifies an emerging group of younger women who behave more like men in affairs--taking the part of the aggressor and feeling perfectly satisfied with an emotionless roll in the hay. But, in the end, Botwin seems to want most unfaithful wives to assess whether their affairs are the ``real thing'' and to contemplate what's gone wrong in their marriages. The author's concluding chapters focus on post-infidelity marital reconciliations--complete with an earnest affirmation that troubled husbands and wives are urged to repeat. Statistics on infidelity are often contradictory, and Botwin selects only those that prove her points. Moreover, her sampling group simply isn't broad enough to reveal much and her advice has a tinny, arbitrary ring. But someone had to contradict Heyn--it's only too bad that it wasn't a writer of greater depth and sagacity. (First serial to Redbook) -- Copyright ©1993, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.

About the Author

Carol Botwin’s lively and exhaustive writings on sex and infidelity “made her one of the leading sexologists of her generation” (The New York Times). She is the author of Sex and the Teenage Girl, The Love Crisis: Hit and Run Lovers, Jugglers, Sexual Stingies, Kinkies and Other Typical Men Today, Tempted Women: The Passions, Perils and Agonies of Female Infidelity, Men Who Can’t Be Faithful, and Is There Sex After Marriage?

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B00M16RT50
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Open Road Media (July 29, 2014)
Publication date ‏ : ‎ July 29, 2014
Language ‏ : ‎ English
File size ‏ : ‎ 1410 KB
Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
Print length ‏ : ‎ 252 pages

Best Sellers Rank: #1,415,689 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #2,653 in Women's Studies (Kindle Store)
- #3,112 in Marriage & Long-Term Relationships
- #3,659 in Love & Romance (Kindle Store)

Customer Reviews:
4.3 16 ratings

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paulsharp

Good insight -- without sugar coating, romanticizing, or generalizing

Reviewed in the United States on December 10, 2013

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Actually, of all the books I read about cheating wives, this gave the most insight. It recognizes that women are different, and have affairs for very different reasons. It doesn't try to moralize -- that is, to condemn every affair as a sin, but it doesn't romanticize affairs either -- as if they are some panacea for every unhappy wife. What is really good is that it offers real stories, based on real events, and it doesn't try to sugarcoat the dangers to marriage and relationships that affairs can create.

If you're having an affair, or contemplating having one (as more and more women seem to be doing), you should read this book first.

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Ken W Batson

good

Reviewed in the United States on December 12, 2018

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Reviewed in the United States on July 14, 2014

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I'd like this analysis

Reviewed in the United States on February 14, 2013

I was doing a bit of research into infidelity and selected this book.

This is an 'anecdote' book. She has had many women send her letters about their infidelity, and tried to shape some broad trends from these messages. For the most part this works. I found the sections on the precursors of who will be most likely to cheat interesting, as well as the differences between male and female affairs and how to recover from them after it is discovered.

But the thing which I found most offputting is her constant moral equivilance. For every warning posted as to the corrosive effects of cheating (which also included plenty of information on how to keep things hidden), she chose to trot out someone cheerleading the idea of how emotionally fulfilling it was. This diffidence was telling. Obviously I am against cheating, but I would have had more respect for her if she chose one side or the other.

Still, I applaud the work she did and I certainly did not waste my money on her book even if I didn't rate it as highly as she might like.

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