Learn more
These promotions will be applied to this item:
Some promotions may be combined; others are not eligible to be combined with other offers. For details, please see the Terms & Conditions associated with these promotions.
Your Memberships & Subscriptions

Download the free Kindle app and start reading Kindle books instantly on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.
Read instantly on your browser with Kindle for Web.
Using your mobile phone camera - scan the code below and download the Kindle app.

Image Unavailable
Color:
-
-
-
- To view this video download Flash Player
-
-
VIDEO
-
Follow the authors
OK
The Ethical Slut, Third Edition: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love Kindle Edition
“One of the most useful relationship books you could ever read, no matter what your lifestyle choices. It’s chock-full of great information about communication, jealousy, asking for what you want, and maintaining a relationship with integrity.”—Annie Sprinkle, PhD, sexologist and author of Dr. Sprinkle’s Spectacular Sex
For 20 years The Ethical Slut—widely known as the “Poly Bible”—has dispelled myths and showed curious readers how to maintain a successful polyamorous lifestyle through open communication, emotional honesty, and safer sex practices. The third edition of this timeless guide to the ethics of relationships, communication, and sex has been revised to include:
• Interviews with poly millennials (young people who have grown up without the prejudices their elders encountered regarding gender, orientation, sexuality, and relationships)
• Tributes to polyamory pioneers
• Tools for conflict resolution and instructions on how to improve interpersonal dynamics
• New sidebars on topics such as asexuality, sex workers, LGBTQ terminology, and ways polys can connect and thrive
The authors also include new content addressing nontraditional relationships beyond the polyamorous paradigm of “more than two”: couples who don't live together, couples who don't have sex with each other, nonparallel arrangements, couples with widely divergent sex styles, power disparities, and cross-orientation relationships, while utilizing nonbinary gender language and new terms that have come into common usage since the last edition.
Customers who bought this item also bought
- We measure the ethics of good sluts not by the number of their partners, but by the respect and care with which they treat them.Highlighted by 4,771 Kindle readers
- People have sex because it feels very good, and then they feel good about themselves. Pleasure is a complete and worthwhile goal in and of itself: the worthiness of pleasure is one of the core values of ethical sluthood.Highlighted by 4,750 Kindle readers
- Many people, in fact, find that their outside relationships can increase their intimacy with their primary partner by reducing the pressures on that relationship.Highlighted by 4,566 Kindle readers
- When you have built a satisfying relationship with yourself, then you have something of great worth to share with others.Highlighted by 4,172 Kindle readers
- “We believe it’s okay to have sex with anybody you love, and we believe in loving everybody.”Highlighted by 3,469 Kindle readers
From the Publisher

Editorial Reviews
Review
—Franklin Veaux, More Than Two: A practical guide to ethical polyamory
“In the two decades since the first edition of The Ethical Slut has been published, polyamory has expanded into a practice that, if not outright mainstream, is at least much more widely accepted and understood. […] The 20th anniversary edition of The Ethical Slut, has been significantly updated and expanded from its humble debut, including sections to poly pioneers, black poly activism and yes, shifting attitudes towards polyamory within a new generation. They acknowledge that millennials reading the book today will not have been raised in the same context that Hardy and Easton were – before the sexual revolution, when saving oneself for marriage was considered the norm.”
—Anna Fitzpatrick,Rolling Stone
About the Author
Dossie Easton is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in alternative sexualities and relationships, with twenty years of experience counseling open relationships. She is the author of four other books, and has been an ethical slut since 1969.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Many people dream of having an abundance of love and sex and friendship. Some believe that such a life is impossible and settle for less than they want, feeling always a little lonely, a little frustrated. Others try to achieve their dream but are thwarted by outside social pressures or by their own emotions, and decide that such dreams must stay in the realm of fantasy. A few, though, persist and discover that being openly loving, intimate, and sexual with many people is not only possible but can be more rewarding than they ever imagined.
People have been succeeding at free love for many centuries—often quietly, without much fanfare. In this book, we will share the techniques, the skills, and the ideals that have made it work for them.
So who is an ethical slut? We are. Many, many others are. Maybe you are too. If you dream of freedom, if you dream of intimacy both hot and profound, if you dream of an abundance of friends and flirtation and affection, of following your desires and seeing where they take you, then you’ve already taken the first step.
Why We Chose This Title
From the moment you saw or heard about this book, you probably guessed that some of the terms may not have the meanings you’re accustomed to.
What kind of people would revel in calling themselves sluts? And why would they insist on being recognized for their ethics?
In most of the world, slut is a highly offensive term used to describe a woman whose sexuality is voracious, indiscriminate, and shameful. It’s interesting to note that the analogous words stud or player, used to describe a highly sexual man, are often terms of approval and envy. If you ask about a man’s morals, you will probably hear about his honesty, loyalty, integrity, and high principles. When you ask about a woman’s morals, you are more likely to hear about whom she shares sex with and under what conditions. We have a problem with this.
So we are proud to reclaim the word slut as a term of approval, even endearment. To us, a slut is a person of any gender who celebrates sexuality according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. Sluts may choose to have no sex at all or to get cozy with the Fifth Fleet. They may be heterosexual, homosexual, asexual, or bisexual, radical activists or peaceful suburbanites.
As proud sluts, we believe that sex and sexual love are fundamental forces for good, activities with the potential to strengthen intimate bonds, enhance lives, open spiritual awareness, even change the world. Furthermore, we believe that every consensual intimate relationship has these potentials and that any erotic pathway, consciously chosen and mindfully followed, can be a positive, creative force in the lives of individuals and their communities.
Sluts share their sexuality the way philanthropists share their money: because they have a lot of it to share, because it makes them happy to share it, because sharing makes the world a better place. Sluts often find that the more love and sex they give away, the more they have: a loaves-and-fishes miracle in which greed and generosity go hand in hand to provide more for everybody. Imagine living in sexual abundance!
About You
Maybe you dream of maintaining several long-term sexual and intimate relationships. Maybe your dream is of a lot of friendships that may or may not include sex. Maybe the idea of genital sex holds no interest for you but you still want to form a warm, loving partnership ... or two or three. Maybe you want monogamy but a kind of monogamy that you and your partner have created according to your own desires and not the blueprint handed down by the greater culture. Maybe you want to be single, connecting where and how you want without changing your fundamental independence. Maybe you want to be part of a couple that occasionally shares a bed with a mutually desirable third party or that takes a planned night away from monogamy every now and then. Maybe you dream of three-way or four-way or orgiastic connections. Maybe you cherish solitude and want to find ways to get your needs met all by yourself with the occasional help of a friend or lover.
Or maybe you want to explore different paths, to try a few things to see how they feel, to see how many kinds of relating you can fit into your busy and interesting life.
All these possibilities and a hundred more are legitimate ways of being an ethical slut. As you read this book, you’ll find that some of our ideas will be good fits for the way you want to live and others will not. Take what you want and leave the rest. As long as you and the people you care about are consenting, growing, and taking good care of yourselves and the people around you, you’re doing ethical sluthood right, so don’t let someone else’s opinions—including ours—tell you otherwise.
About Us
Between us, we represent a fairly large slice of the pie that is sexual diversity.
Dossie is a therapist in private practice in San Francisco, specializing in alternative sexualities, nontraditional relationships, and therapy for trauma survivors. She has identified as queer for more than thirty years, informed by the women’s and the gay men’s communities and by her years of bisexuality before that. She committed to an open sexual lifestyle in 1969 when her daughter was a newborn and taught her first workshop on unlearning jealousy in 1973. She has spent about half of her adult life living single, sort of, with families of housemates, lovers, and other intimates. She makes her home in the mountains north of San Francisco.
Many of you may remember Janet from the first edition of this book as Catherine A. Liszt, a pen name she used back when her sons were still minors. Now that they’re grown and independent, she has gone back to using her real name. Janet lived as a teenaged slut in college but then essayed traditional monogamy in a heterosexual marriage for more than a decade. Since the end of that marriage, she has not considered monogamy an option for her. While most people would call her bisexual, she thinks of herself as gender-bent and can’t quite figure out how sexual orientation is supposed to work when you’re sometimes male and sometimes female. She’s married to a bio-guy whose gender is as flexible as hers, which is less complicated than it sounds. She makes her living as a writer, publisher, and teacher, and lives in Eugene, Oregon.
Together, we have been lovers, dear friends, coauthors, and coconspirators for a quarter century, in and out of various other relationships, homes, and projects. We are both parents of grown children, both active in the BDSM/leather/kink communities, and both creative writers. We think we’re a great example of what can happen if you don’t try to force all your relationships into the monogamous ’til-death-do-us-part model.
Product details
- ASIN : B01N0SA1YW
- Publisher : Ten Speed Press; Updated, Expanded edition (August 15, 2017)
- Publication date : August 15, 2017
- Language : English
- File size : 3.6 MB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Print length : 320 pages
- Best Sellers Rank: #34,463 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #7 in Sexual Instruction eBooks
- #12 in Sexuality (Kindle Store)
- #47 in Love & Romance (Kindle Store)
- Customer Reviews:
About the authors
Discover more of the author’s books, see similar authors, read book recommendations and more.
Dorothy "Dossie" Easton (born February 26, 1944) is an author and family therapist based in San Francisco, California.
Bio from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
Customer reviews
Customer Reviews, including Product Star Ratings help customers to learn more about the product and decide whether it is the right product for them.
To calculate the overall star rating and percentage breakdown by star, we don’t use a simple average. Instead, our system considers things like how recent a review is and if the reviewer bought the item on Amazon. It also analyzed reviews to verify trustworthiness.
Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find this book fantastic and loaded with educational content, helping them navigate through new seasons of exploration and providing exercises on what to do. Moreover, the book covers the full spectrum of human relationships and is well-written, with personal anecdotes and real-life examples.
AI-generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the book readable and fantastic, with one customer noting its depth and another describing it as a true masterpiece.
""The Ethical Slut, Third Edition" is a groundbreaking book that has become a classic resource for individuals interested in exploring polyamory,..." Read more
"Super informative and a good read" Read more
"...about a quarter the way through this book but I must say it is a great book...." Read more
"...of the advice was too obvious to be useful, but then other sections were really impactful and provided great reminders of how to foster healthy..." Read more
Customers find the book loaded with educational content, providing great information and exercises on what to do, helping readers open their minds and learn numerous skills.
"...Tools: The authors offer practical advice, techniques, and exercises throughout the book, empowering readers to apply the concepts to their own lives..." Read more
"Super informative and a good read" Read more
"...All in all I think this book is a great guide to help a person open up and become closer to those around them and I hope the negative connotation to..." Read more
"...The authors, Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton, are knowledgeable and compassionate guides through the complex world of ENM, which many simply call “..." Read more
Customers find the book provides valuable insights into relationships, with one customer noting it covers the full spectrum of human connections, while others appreciate how the principles and skills outlined are beneficial for all types of relationships.
"...Tone: The authors approach the subject matter with empathy and compassion, providing reassurance and encouragement to readers as they navigate the..." Read more
"...It is full of good advice for any relationships, not just poly or romantic/sexual ones. It isn't the only book...." Read more
"...Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton, are knowledgeable and compassionate guides through the complex world of ENM, which many simply call “open..." Read more
"...But its CONTENT is so detailed and comprehensive that it would be a great college-level textbook, if any college gave courses in how to achieve and..." Read more
Customers appreciate the writing quality of the book, finding it well written and honest, with one customer noting how it helps them express their feelings.
"...approach the subject matter with empathy and compassion, providing reassurance and encouragement to readers as they navigate the complexities of non-..." Read more
"...Few authors manage that. It's very readable, even by anyone new and clueless like me, so it's a perfect introduction...." Read more
"...I am loving the authors writing styles (I already read two other books by them that were very informative) and there sense of humor...." Read more
"...on what to do when you feel a certain way, expresses that it's ok to feel like you do, communication is key, and gives great short personal stories..." Read more
Customers appreciate the book's authenticity, noting that it includes personal anecdotes and real-life examples.
"...Dossie Easton, this comprehensive guide offers practical advice, personal anecdotes, and thought-provoking insights that empower readers to create..." Read more
"...They've been there and learned from experience. Personal and practical, this book is from the heart...." Read more
"...it's ok to feel like you do, communication is key, and gives great short personal stories to help understand what they are talking about!..." Read more
"...the strength of this book is that it based on personal experience. It is authentic. I have read first 150 pages in one day...." Read more
Reviews with images

So informative !
Top reviews from the United States
There was a problem filtering reviews. Please reload the page.
- Reviewed in the United States on June 5, 2023"The Ethical Slut, Third Edition" is a groundbreaking book that has become a classic resource for individuals interested in exploring polyamory, open relationships, and alternative approaches to sex and love. Written by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton, this comprehensive guide offers practical advice, personal anecdotes, and thought-provoking insights that empower readers to create fulfilling, consensual, and ethical relationships.
Chapter Overview:
Redefining Sluttery: The book challenges societal norms and prejudices associated with promiscuity and "slut-shaming," providing a fresh perspective that reframes sexuality as a positive and healthy aspect of human nature.
Honesty and Communication: The authors stress the importance of honest and open communication as the foundation for ethical non-monogamous relationships. They offer practical tools and strategies for effective communication, negotiation, and establishing boundaries.
Jealousy and Compersion: Jealousy is a common emotion in non-monogamous relationships. This chapter explores the complexities of jealousy and provides techniques for managing and transforming it into compersion—the joy experienced when witnessing a partner's happiness with someone else.
Safer Sex: Safety is paramount in any sexual relationship. This chapter discusses the importance of practicing safer sex, negotiating boundaries, and developing strategies to protect oneself and one's partners from sexually transmitted infections.
Negotiating Non-Monogamy: Hardy and Easton delve into the intricacies of negotiating non-monogamous relationships, including establishing relationship structures, exploring different styles of polyamory, and navigating power dynamics within partnerships.
Gender, Orientation, and Identity: The authors explore the intersections of gender, sexual orientation, and identity within non-monogamous relationships. They offer guidance on embracing diverse expressions of sexuality and fostering inclusivity in open relationships.
Exploring Kink and BDSM: This chapter addresses the integration of kink and BDSM practices within polyamory and open relationships. It explores the importance of consent, negotiation, and establishing boundaries when engaging in alternative sexual dynamics.
Relationship Anarchy and Beyond: The concept of relationship anarchy challenges conventional relationship hierarchies and explores the possibilities of non-traditional, non-hierarchical connections. The authors provide insights and tools for those interested in exploring relationship anarchy.
Parenting and Family: The book addresses the unique challenges and opportunities for individuals who are polyamorous parents or considering parenthood within a non-monogamous framework. It offers guidance on navigating societal norms, co-parenting, and fostering a supportive family environment.
Community and Support: The authors emphasize the importance of building a supportive community of like-minded individuals. They provide guidance on finding local and online resources, attending events, and creating chosen families within the polyamorous and open relationship communities.
Key Strengths:
Thought-Provoking and Inclusive: "The Ethical Slut" challenges societal norms surrounding sex, love, and relationships while embracing a wide range of identities, orientations, and lifestyles. The book promotes inclusivity, encouraging readers to explore and celebrate their unique desires.
Practical Advice and Tools: The authors offer practical advice, techniques, and exercises throughout the book, empowering readers to apply the concepts to their own lives. The inclusion of real-life examples and personal anecdotes enhances the book's relatability and usefulness.
Sex-Positive Approach: The book takes a sex-positive stance, promoting consensual and pleasurable sexual experiences while emphasizing the importance of open communication, boundaries, and safety.
Cultural Relevance: The third edition of "The Ethical Slut" incorporates updated information, reflecting the evolving landscape of polyamory, open relationships, and alternative sexual practices. It addresses contemporary challenges and considerations, making it relevant to today's readers.
Empowering and Supportive Tone: The authors approach the subject matter with empathy and compassion, providing reassurance and encouragement to readers as they navigate the complexities of non-monogamous relationships. The book fosters self-acceptance, self-growth, and personal empowerment.
Conclusion:
"The Ethical Slut, Third Edition" is a comprehensive and invaluable resource for anyone interested in exploring polyamory, open relationships, or alternative approaches to sex and love. With its practical advice, thought-provoking insights, and inclusive perspective, the book empowers readers to embrace their desires, communicate openly, and build consensual and ethical relationships. Whether you're new to non-monogamy or seeking to deepen your understanding, this book serves as a guide to navigate the complexities and possibilities of polyamory and open relationships.
- Reviewed in the United States on April 9, 2025Super informative and a good read
- Reviewed in the United States on June 16, 2021I'm only about a quarter the way through this book but I must say it is a great book. It definitely helps open up a person's mind to the fact that everyone in the world has experienced deep intimacy with people that they would not consider their mate before. It also points out that human behavior is more varied and complex than we normally think of when it comes to relationships.
This book focuses on the idea that sex is not just the act of sex but is the intermingling of two or more people in a way that current society discourages.
I can see why some people may dislike this book. The author uses the words and concepts of sex as a way to demonstrate the connection between people that should be explored. I feel like the author does this to desensitize the reader to allow the reader to openly explore the idea of connecting to people on different levels.
If the concept of sex doesn't offend you beyond reason this book offers a lot of good advice when it comes to overcoming the shame that may come from close relationships.
If sex is an uncomfortable for you then I would suggest while reading, in your mind, change all the occurances of the word sex to intimacy and you will see the value in this book. It even says in the beginning of the book that the word sex in this book is to describe the physical and emotional interpersonal relationships between people.
All in all I think this book is a great guide to help a person open up and become closer to those around them and I hope the negative connotation to the terms polyamorous or sex won't stop a person from seeing the true value of the studies done by the doctors who wrote this book and the Kinsey Institute.
I hope to learn more about the psychology and relationship studies viewed through actual observation studies and not the bias lens of our current christian based system.
- Reviewed in the United States on December 6, 2022I read this after having already lived a successful polyamorous lifestyle for several years. Lots of the material was not new to me. Some of the advice was too obvious to be useful, but then other sections were really impactful and provided great reminders of how to foster healthy relationships. It is full of good advice for any relationships, not just poly or romantic/sexual ones.
It isn't the only book. You should try other things too! Here are a few:
Polysecure
More Than Two
Opening Up
Love's Not Colorblind
Rewriting the Rules
Top reviews from other countries
- RumiReviewed in Australia on January 21, 2025
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read to open your mind
A must read to open your mind
-
FernnanReviewed in Mexico on September 22, 2023
5.0 out of 5 stars Un libro que todos deberíamos de leer
Un libro que abre nuestra mente a la idea de otro tipo de relaciones o vínculos.
- AtenReviewed in the United Kingdom on June 28, 2024
5.0 out of 5 stars The Ethical Slut
I enjoyed the different views on relationships and the conversations / openness that goes with it.
I would recommend this book as a must read to all young people before entering a serious relationship.
-
Flavio Ramos de MattosReviewed in Brazil on February 12, 2019
5.0 out of 5 stars Verdadeiro diálogo
Estudos voltados para diferentes manifestações de relacionamentos em suas realidades multifacetadas (Monogamish, Amor Livre, Poliamor, Swing, Relacionamento aberto, Monogamia e etc...) nos viabiliza, por vezes, compreender e (re)significar nossa relação do Eu com o Outro.
A compreensão das peculiaridades pessoais, as singularidades que nos diferenciam dos meios que ainda carregamos similaridades de uma maioria, oportuniza entender que estar ao lado daqueles que coadunam com valores e crenças que nos são afins, agregam sensações e experiências das quais não precisamos nos esconder. Assim, se livrar de conceitos limitados daqueles que não voltam olhares às bases dessas diferentes manifestações, pode ser libertador.
"A Puta Ética" (tradução livre do título) é uma obra que faz um traçado dessas faces múltiplas de se construir um relacionamento, assumindo este termo justamente por enxergar neste a rebelia da ignorância daqueles que usam de taxativos pejorativos para falar do que não entendem. Assim, reconhecer-se uma "Puta Ética" é politizar-se em aspectos que muitos se valem de achismos.
A leitura dos intervalos in(fi)timos da correria do cotidiano.
Super recomendo, tanto para casais monogâmicos quanto poliamorosos e ramificações.
Flavio Ramos de MattosVerdadeiro diálogo
Reviewed in Brazil on February 12, 2019
A compreensão das peculiaridades pessoais, as singularidades que nos diferenciam dos meios que ainda carregamos similaridades de uma maioria, oportuniza entender que estar ao lado daqueles que coadunam com valores e crenças que nos são afins, agregam sensações e experiências das quais não precisamos nos esconder. Assim, se livrar de conceitos limitados daqueles que não voltam olhares às bases dessas diferentes manifestações, pode ser libertador.
"A Puta Ética" (tradução livre do título) é uma obra que faz um traçado dessas faces múltiplas de se construir um relacionamento, assumindo este termo justamente por enxergar neste a rebelia da ignorância daqueles que usam de taxativos pejorativos para falar do que não entendem. Assim, reconhecer-se uma "Puta Ética" é politizar-se em aspectos que muitos se valem de achismos.
A leitura dos intervalos in(fi)timos da correria do cotidiano.
Super recomendo, tanto para casais monogâmicos quanto poliamorosos e ramificações.
Images in this review
- Carolina CorderoReviewed in Spain on February 27, 2023
5.0 out of 5 stars Super insightful 💖
Great read- offers a fantastic insight into polyamory and non-monogamy and regardless of one’s relationship style or preferences, it provides tools for better communication.