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Hiding in the Bathroom: An Introvert's Roadmap to Getting Out There (When You'd Rather Stay Home) Kindle Edition
Most ambitious people think reaching the peaks of success means being “on” 24/7—tirelessly networking, deal-making, and keynoting conferences. This is nonsense, says podcast host Morra Aarons-Mele. As an eminent entrepreneur with a flourishing business and a self-proclaimed introvert with lots of anxieties, Morra disagrees with the notion that there’s only one successful type: the intense, super social, sleep-deprived mover and shaker, the person who musters endless amounts of grit. Hiding in the Bathroom is her antidote for everyone fed up with feeling like they must always “lean in”—who prefer those moments of hiding in the bathroom to working the room.
Morra knows what it takes to make your mark, and now, this entrepreneur who has boosted the online strategy of clients such as the Malala Fund, President Obama, the UN Foundation, and the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation shares her insights, tricks, and knowledge. With advice; exercises to evaluate your work/life fit and manage anxiety; and stories of countless successful introverts, Hiding in the Bathroom empowers professionals of all ages and levels to take control and build their own versions of success. It’s a must-have practical handbook for building a prosperous career and a balanced, happy life—on your own terms.
“[A] riveting look at redefining personal approaches to work . . . her willingness to share illustrative personal experiences, both good and bad, adds vivid color to the strategies she shares.” —Publishers Weekly
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherDey Street Books
- Publication dateSeptember 26, 2017
- File size3.1 MB
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From the Publisher
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Christine Koh interviews Morra Aarons-Mele about her book, Hiding in the Bathroom: An Introvert's Roadmap to Getting Out There (When You'd Rather Stay Home)
Christine Koh: I would imagine that anyone who has seen you speak or move through a crowd at an event would never guess that you identify as an introvert! You are tall, glamorous, well-spoken, impassioned, and accomplished yet also totally relatable!
Morra Aarons-mele: You are very kind to say that! I still always feel like I’m walking into lunch in middle school and no one wants to sit with me. But I’ve learned how to spot an opening in the conversation, and make my way. Even more important, I’ve learned when I have had enough and am allowed to leave.
CK: What’s it like to be an ambitious overachiever and also an introvert?
MA: Being an ambitious overachiever means I am always negotiating between selves. Like, I might be standing at a cocktail party with my two sides arguing, one who wants to make a beeline for the exit, and the one who knows she needs to stay and talk to colleagues. It’s a battle between what you’re intrinsically driven to accomplish and what your temperament makes you feel.
CK: You say that networking is a skill, and that you’d be 37% more successful if you liked cocktail parties. Is there truth to this? And how does one go about developing their networking skills?
MA: It might be more like 38%! In business, networks are everything, especially if you are responsible for sales or business development, as I am. But LinkedIn senior executive and current Silicon Valley tech CEO Arvind Rajan (who also used to hide in the bathroom) has another suggestion: just reframe your expectations of yourself as a leader. 'Networking is a skill we learn just like we learn how to do Excel', he says. 'At some level you need to master the basics. But you’re better off playing to your strengths.' Arvind is a skilled practitioner of cultivating leadership without pressing the flesh, and he has coped with his social anxiety through a very successful twenty-year career in Silicon Valley.
CK: What’s your best piece of advice for anyone at a party?
MA: Channel your inner Oprah! BlogHer cofounder and CEO Lisa Stone’s former career as a journalist was key to helping her learn to work a room in Silicon Valley. 'I’ve always been that person behind the reporter’s notebook, asking other people their opinions,” she told me. “What I don’t like is the spotlight.' If you feel alien, unworthy, shy, or nervous in a room full of powerful players, pretend you’re there to report a story. Ask people lots of questions-this is your strength as an introvert! Listen actively. Draw them out. Even the most powerful person enjoys telling their own story. You can even use it to produce content. And the truth is, when you ask people lots of questions about themselves, you’re remembered as a great conversationalist!
CK: How do you rally yourself in those moments when you just want to hide in the bathroom (or stay home in your pajamas)?
MA: I give myself a pep talk, put on my big girl panties (sorry, I’m potty training my toddler) and get out there. I need to work, I love my work, and I always feel better once I’m in the flow of it. Just because you want to hide doesn’t mean you can, or should. So I leave the house and I hustle with the best of them, and reward myself with quiet time later.
Christine Koh is the founder/editor of Boston Mamas, co-host of the Edit Your Life Show, co-author of Minimalist Parenting, and creative director at Women Online.
Editorial Reviews
Review
“Introverts will love this practical and moving guide to building a career, network, and life you love.”
— Susan Cain, author of Quiet
“Morra Aarons-Mele has written a great guide for anyone who’s feeling the anxiety of introversion and ready to find a way to be true to yourself and feel successful and connected at the same time.” — KJ Dell’Antonia, New York Times Well Family columnist
“Ambitious introverts finally have a career coach! Morra Aarons-Mele knows from personal experience that we shy people have burning desires to build businesses, brands, and careers, too. Her expert playbook shows how to leverage every opportunity—without sugarcoating some of the trade-offs we need to make to succeed.” — Lisa Stone, cofounder and CEO emeritus, BlogHer Inc.
“It took me twenty years to understand that I could focus on my strengths as a leader and skip the schmoozing. If you read Morra’s book, you won’t have to learn the hard way.” — Arvind Rajan, former VP international, LinkedIn; cofounder and CEO, Cricket Health
“[A] riveting look at redefining personal approaches to work…bolstered with helpful tools including quizzes and worksheets...The author’s attention-grabbing headlines and subheads...keep the pace quick, while her willingness to share illustrative personal experiences, both good and bad, adds vivid color to the strategies she shares.” — Publishers Weekly
“This is THE book for Human Venn Diagrams who identify as introverts (and those who love them)...the perfect guide to help you put yourself out there as well as grant yourself a little grace when you need to recharge.” — Forbes
“In this insightful and enjoyable book, Morra Aarons-Mele offers useful guidelines for creating a schedule and work life that you can control, allowing your ambition to shine while taking the space you need.” — Leslie Perlow, Konosuke Matsushita Professor of Leadership at Harvard Business School
From the Back Cover
Before heading into a meeting or networking event, do you feel anxious?
Do you feel pressure to always say yes when it comes to work?
Do you prefer to work alone or in small groups?
Do you have trouble creating professional and personal boundaries?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, Hiding in the Bathroom is for you!
Morra Aarons-Mele demolishes the myth that there’s only one successful “type” of achiever: the intense, super social, sleep-deprived mover and shaker. Instead, she paves a path for ambitious people who struggle with anxiety, introversion, or just crave a little more control over their lives. Filled with practiced advice, easy-to-follow exercises, proven tools, and real stories collected from personal experience and more than one hundred twenty interviews of successful people—entrepreneurs, academics, and those just beginning their careers—Hiding in the Bathroom helps you tackle the sometimes thorny emotions and issues that accompany a career, so you can create a plan for success and happiness that’s right for you, whether you’re a millennial or at midlife.
About the Author
Morra Aarons-Mele is the founder of the award-winning social impact agency Women Online, hosts the podcast Hiding in the Bathroom, and created the influencer network the Mission List. She was founding political director of BlogHer.com, and has written for the Harvard Business Review, the Huffington Post, MomsRising, the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, and the Guardian. She has lectured at the Yale Women’s Campaign School, the Harvard Kennedy School, and at the World Economic Forum for Young Global Leaders. Aarons-Mele is a graduate of Brown University and the Harvard Kennedy School, and lives in her pajamas in Boston, Massachusetts.
Product details
- ASIN : B01NBSUM06
- Publisher : Dey Street Books; Reprint edition (September 26, 2017)
- Publication date : September 26, 2017
- Language : English
- File size : 3.1 MB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Print length : 297 pages
- Best Sellers Rank: #741,107 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #446 in Self-Help eBooks for Anxieties & Phobias
- #1,402 in Personal Success in Business
- #1,948 in Popular Psychology Personality Study
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
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If you’re feeling anxious right now, you’re not alone. The world is scary, and nothing seems certain except uncertainty. How can you work with authority and strength when you feel anxious? How can you inspire and motivate others when your mind and heart are racing? This is what I tackle in my new book, The Anxious Achiever: Turn Your Biggest Fears into Your Leadership Superpower, to be released by Harvard Business Review Press in April 2023.
I am a podcast host, writer, entrepreneur, mother, and communications executive. I live outside Boston with my family and an assortment of pets. I host The Anxious Achiever podcast, a top-10 Management podcast and 2020 Webby Awards honoree. I'm one of ten thought leaders named LinkedIn’s Top Voices in Mental Health for 2022. Passionate about helping people rethink the relationship between their mental health and their success, I consult for Fortune 500 companies, startups, and US government agencies.
In addition to my contribution to workplace mental health, I founded Women Online, the award-winning social impact agency and I sold it in 2021. I've helped three US presidential candidates and a range of mission-driven organizations create communications, marketing, and fundraising campaigns. I'm a longtime blogger who's covered the campaign trail, the White House, the lactation room, and the office cubicle. I've written for The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Fast Company, among other publications. My first book, the Amazon bestseller Hiding in the Bathroom: How To Get Out There (When You’d Rather Stay Home), was published by Dey Street Books in 2017 and is available in 4 languages.
Customer reviews
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book insightful and useful for personal and professional growth. They describe it as a valuable reference tool for introverts who need a helping hand. Readers find the guide compelling and enjoyable, showing a more enjoyable and balanced work life.
AI-generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the book insightful and useful for personal and professional growth. They say it's a great reference tool for introverts who need a helping hand. The book provides clear, practical ideas with fascinating stories and tools. Readers appreciate the thoughtful approach and positive mindset it encourages.
"...I love that the book is not only about social anxiety or introversion, but gives insight as to how you can leverage your anxiety to further your..." Read more
"Very insightful, full of useful information for personal and professional development and growth...." Read more
"...this book, Morra pioneers a new style of leadership: a quieter, more introspective, softer leader, but one that isn't any less ambitious or driven...." Read more
"...She spends a whole chapter on this issue. - Some introverts do not experience FOMO (fear of missing out), do not constantly compare themselves..." Read more
Customers find the book engaging and valuable. They say it provides a compelling guide that shows how to enjoy a balanced work life.
"...It's such a valuable read." Read more
"...I think its an OK book but it was not meant for me - just a regular introvert - She even mentions in the book how they chose the title of the book..." Read more
"...Morra Aarons-Mele has written a compelling guide that is rich with fascinating stories, proven tools, and thoughtful explorations...." Read more
"Excellent book -- although I am an extrovert, it helped me understand my wife (the author!!!) much better...." Read more
Reviews with images
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Really? She said what?
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on October 14, 2017I have worked for myself my entire life (I'm 54 at the time of this posting), mostly from home. I found out early on in life that I just could not stomach going to a certain place of work every day. The few times I have had to go into an office, I had to work longer hours because I got zero done in an open office setting with people interrupting you right and left. I have also always traded "success" (more money, more accolades), for a lifestyle I enjoy, doing what I love (I'm a writer, communicator and speaker). Most people would not guess meeting me in person that I am an introvert - that I love my down time and that I am quite happy working in my PJs and in bed most of the time. I like, Morra, take long naps and I sleep an average of 9 hours a night. I was relieved to hear that other women (Morra in particular) also simply need to take to bed for a few days to recover from a conference or business travel. I could so relate to how she explains that she has anticipatory anxiety before phone calls (Raising both hands saying ME TOO!) ... Like her, once I'm on the phone I can do ten calls in a row. I love that the book is not only about social anxiety or introversion, but gives insight as to how you can leverage your anxiety to further your business, negotiate YOUR way, deal with FOMO (yes to not wanting to travel and yet having FOMO when your friends are invited to an exclusive event). I love how she breaks down business costs, gives tips for managing your small business (mine is small purposefully and I just don't think I would enjoy scaling), etc. while staying true to your morals and values. When I met Morra a few years ago at a conference I would never have guessed she is an introvert or that she deals with anxiety. I am guessing she never suspected I share those same traits big time. I recommended this book to my business manager who happens to be an extrovert, because there is so much to be gleaned from it if you don't fit into the classic entrepreneurial or corporate mold. Kudos.
- Reviewed in the United States on January 7, 2018This book actually has some decent information. But the title should be, "Tips on Successfully Networking for Privileged White Women with Social Anxiety Who Have an Income Producing the Partner and the Option to Decide a Job Just Isn't Feeling Right For Them."
- Reviewed in the United States on January 21, 2020Very insightful, full of useful information for personal and professional development and growth. Challenges to think and act outside the comfort zone. Highly recommending it
- Reviewed in the United States on October 9, 2017Morra manages to hit on a tremendous number of topics I've always thought about but haven't had the words. Why *do* we insist on open office cultures, the 9 to 5 structure, and florescent lights? Isn't it time to rethink business and how we show up to work? This book shines a light on all of the ways that work culture doesn't work for introverted, quiet, anxious, people (or frankly even introspective people who need a minute to think). I loved reading the specific tools for how to find work+life fit, and ways of thinking about success not as a skyrocketing billion-dollar company, but ready as a steady march that also allows the style and type of life you want to live.
We often conflate the idea of a "leader" with the fearless extrovert salesperson, the charmer, but the reality is probably a lot different: most of Silicon Valley's entrepreneurs are also awkward introverts and in this book, Morra pioneers a new style of leadership: a quieter, more introspective, softer leader, but one that isn't any less ambitious or driven. Just one that goes after the work in a different way. Bravo, beautiful book.
- Reviewed in the United States on January 2, 2018Contrary to the book's subtitle, this is not a book for or about introverts. It is for socially anxious, overworked people, primarily women, who feel the need to constantly compare themselves with others. (Very few men were interviewed or quoted.) Some socially anxious people are introverts, but not all, and some introverts are socially anxious, but not all. The author describes herself as having an extreme case of social anxiety.
Unfortunately, in its hyper-focus on social anxiety and fears, the book perpetuates many myths about introverts. In fact:
- Introverts are not necessarily either socially anxious or socially awkward.
- Introverts do not necessarily need to scale back their activities or ambitions, as the author implies. They only need to choose their activities and ambitions so they're compatible with their personality.
- Many introverts have no problem whatsoever saying no. She spends a whole chapter on this issue.
- Some introverts do not experience FOMO (fear of missing out), do not constantly compare themselves with others, and are self-confident and grounded.
Because I am a psychologically healthy introvert, I did not like this book one bit and objected to many of its generalizations.
- Reviewed in the United States on October 11, 2017For most of my life, I emphatically described myself as an extrovert. But career changes, working from home, and having kids gave me pause. How could I be such an extrovert if I rarely wanted to leave the house? Morra's book was such a salve—she explains how and why women come to doubt themselves, and how we can change our own internal narratives. She also cleverly turns the concept of FOMO on its head. It's actually a power tool. I want to put this book in the hands of so many women I know. It's such a valuable read.
- Reviewed in the United States on January 11, 2018I listened to this book on tape from my local library twice before I decided that there was just too much information in it to not be able to read it and highlight stuff that I want to have at my fingertips. So I bought it. It is a great reference tool for every introvert who needs a helping hand once in a while. I am not a high functioning introvert so it is nice to connect with Morra, who has been highly successful at many things that she has tried despite being an introvert. She not only gave me tools to try in my own life but she also gave me hope!
Top reviews from other countries
- L. E. DebelserReviewed in Canada on October 25, 2017
5.0 out of 5 stars this is such a great, down-to-earth book
As an expert in my field, and an introvert, I have literally hidden in the bathroom...this is such a great,down-to-earth book, filled with rock solid advice, and was greatly beneficial in letting me know I'm not the only one who occasionally hides. I'd give this more stars if more stars were available.
- RLReviewed in the United Kingdom on January 17, 2018
5.0 out of 5 stars Helpful advice
Really appreciated this book. Thank you, Morra, for the advice and encouragement! Very nice content and structure, and enjoyed reading about your personal experiences.
- Ray BReviewed in Australia on February 28, 2018
4.0 out of 5 stars Hiding is not so much hiding
Morra leads with putting herself out there and presents a valuable treasure chest of advice, experience, insights, challenges and checklists for pulling yourself together and joining her.
- Amazon CustomerReviewed in Canada on February 18, 2019
1.0 out of 5 stars Don’t read
Mostly opinion based