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Modern Loss: Candid Conversation About Grief. Beginners Welcome. Kindle Edition

by Rebecca Soffer (Author), Gabrielle Birkner (Author), Peter Arkle (Illustrator) Format: Kindle Edition
4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 288 ratings
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Inspired by the website that the New York Times hailed as "redefining mourning," this book is a fresh and irreverent examination into navigating grief and resilience in the age of social media, offering comfort and community for coping with the mess of loss through candid original essays from a variety of voices, accompanied by gorgeous two-color illustrations and wry infographics.

At a time when we mourn public figures and national tragedies with hashtags, where intimate posts about loss go viral and we receive automated birthday reminders for dead friends, it’s clear we are navigating new terrain without a road map.

Let’s face it: most of us have always had a difficult time talking about death and sharing our grief. We’re awkward and uncertain; we avoid, ignore, or even deny feelings of sadness; we offer platitudes; we send sympathy bouquets whittled out of fruit.

Enter Rebecca Soffer and Gabrielle Birkner, who can help us do better. Each having lost parents as young adults, they co-founded Modern Loss, responding to a need to change the dialogue around the messy experience of grief. Now, in this wise and often funny book, they offer the insights of the Modern Loss community to help us cry, laugh, grieve, identify, and—above all—empathize.

Soffer and Birkner, along with forty guest contributors including Lucy Kalanithi, singer Amanda Palmer, and CNN’s Brian Stelter, reveal their own stories on a wide range of topics including triggers, sex, secrets, and inheritance. Accompanied by beautiful hand-drawn illustrations and witty "how to" cartoons, each contribution provides a unique perspective on loss as well as a remarkable life-affirming message.

Brutally honest and inspiring, Modern Loss invites us to talk intimately and humorously about grief, helping us confront the humanity (and mortality) we all share. Beginners welcome.

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  1. Print length
    376 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Sticky notes
    On Kindle Scribe
  4. Publisher
    Harper
  5. Publication date
    January 23, 2018
  6. File size
    49091 KB
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From the Publisher

Modern Loss: Candid Conversation About Grief. Beginners Welcome.

Editorial Reviews

Review

“A frank, often funny meditation on grief and death from the founders of the website Modern Loss. With essays from more than 40 contributors, the book is an important contribution to the national conversation about loss.” -- New York Post

“Modern Loss is a book about grieving and death that shimmers with life. In turn raw, searing, charming, witty and funny—Modern Loss is full of surprises and is definitely not your mother’s death and dying book.” -- Dave Isay, Founder, Storycorps

“I am not sure how a book about grief could also be witty and entertaining, but Modern Loss accomplishes just that.” -- Mindy Kaling, writer for The Office and author of Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“A very relatable and real book of personal essays written that cover almost every grief and loss topic and pulls no punches.” -- Strategist

“Loss is devastating, but this frank and funny book makes it less isolating. I want to give it to everyone I know who is grieving, has grieved, or will grieve. In other words, I want to give it to everyone” -- Anna Sale, host of WNYC’s Death, Sex and Money

“Profound, irreverent, probing, and consoling, Modern Loss is the guide to grief I wish I’d had when my mother died at 55. Mourning a parent years earlier than my peers, I felt alone with my loss. This is the company I wish I’d kept in those first years; Soffer and Birkner have compiled a book that feels like sitting with your best friends over dinner and laughing and crying and connecting over the most profound experiences you can have.” -- Meghan O'Rourke, author of The Long Goodbye

“Talking about loss can feel scary. This book isn’t. It’s about grieving deeply over the long term, and the reassurance that you’re far from broken because of it. These surprisingly funny and candid stories aren’t about death; they’re about life, and thriving in the face of loss.” -- Stephen Colbert

“I love this book! Humans spilling their feelings with so much humility, hope, and humor.” -- Nancy Lublin, Founder and CEO, Crisis Text Line

“Devastatingly poignant, Modern Loss took me to a safe place and allowed me to feel comforted by reading about something that I’ve always feared: death. Especially as I deal with aging parents, I found myself feeling some of my anguish dissipate as I was reminded of the universality of grieving. It allowed me to take a breath, and I needed to. We all do.” -- Lisa Ling, host and executive producer of CNN’s “This Is Life”

“Finally, a book that fearlessly embraces grief and finds heretofore undiscovered areas of inspiration, humor and above all, light. Modern Loss is our collective Modern Gain.” -- Damon Lindelof, co-creator of Lost and The Leftovers

From the Back Cover

Inspired by the website hailed as “redefining mourning” by theNew York Times, a wise and irreverent collection of essays and tips on navigating grief in the modern age

Let’s face it: most of us have a difficult time talking about death and sharing our grief. We’re awkward and uncertain; we avoid, ignore, or even deny feelings of sadness; we offer platitudes; we send sympathy bouquets whittled out of fruit.

And at a time when we mourn public figures and national tragedies with hashtags, when intimate posts about loss go viral and we receive automated birthday reminders for dead friends, it’s clear we are exploring this modern landscape of loss without a road map. 

Enter Rebecca Soffer and Gabrielle Birkner, who can help us do better. Each having lost parents as young adults, they cofounded the website Modern Loss, responding to a need to change the dialogue around the messy experience of grief. Now, in this wise and often funny book, they offer the insights of the Modern Loss community to help us cry, laugh, grieve, identify, and—above all—empathize.

Soffer and Birkner, along with more than forty guest contributors, including rocker Amanda Palmer, CNN’s Brian Stelter, and Dr. Lucy Kalanithi (widow of When Breath Becomes Air author Paul Kalanithi), reveal their own stories on a wide range of topics, such as triggers, intimacy, secrets, inheritance, and more. Accompanied by beautiful hand-drawn illustrations and witty how-to cartoons, each contribution provides a unique perspective on loss as well as a remarkable life-affirming message.

Brutally honest and inspiring, Modern Loss invites us to talk intimately and humorously about grief, helping us confront the humanity (and mortality) we all share. Beginners welcome.

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B071KT2RVR
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harper; Illustrated edition (January 23, 2018)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ January 23, 2018
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 49091 KB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 376 pages
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 288 ratings

About the authors

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  1. Rebecca Soffer

    Rebecca Soffer

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    Rebecca Soffer is cofounder of Modern Loss, a website and global movement offering creative, meaningful and encouraging content and community addressing the long arc of grief. She is also coauthor of the book MODERN LOSS: CANDID CONVERSATION ABOUT GRIEF. BEGINNERS WELCOME (Harper Wave, 2018), which debuted as a #1 new release on Amazon and "The Strategist" named a best book on loss for a younger generation. Rebecca is also the author of THE MODERN LOSS HANDBOOK: AN INTERACTIVE GUIDE TO MOVING THROUGH GRIEF AND BUILDING YOUR RESILIENCE (Running Press, 2022). Rebecca also writes and publisher the Modern Loss newsletter, a long form monthly deep dive into various themes stemming from grief. She has been featured across media, including on "CBS Sunday Morning," NPR, NY1, MSNBC, Fox, and CTV; led retreats at Kripalu; and spoken nationally on loss and resilience at Chicago Ideas Week, HBO, Capital One, SoFi, and Amazon. Her writing has appeared in outlets such as The New York Times, Marie Claire, Glamour and NBC. Rebecca is a former producer for the Peabody Award-winning "The Colbert Report" and a Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism alumna. She lives in New York City and the Berkshires in Western Massachusetts.

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  2. Gabrielle Birkner

    Gabrielle Birkner

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  3. Eileen Smith

    Eileen Smith

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    Eileen Smith is a Brooklyn-born expat living in Santiago, Chile since 2004. She writes about travel, culture, food and wine and is motivated by themes of connection, belonging and place. She loves essays most of all, and one of her favorites is published in Modern Loss (2018). She has written stories for NPR's The Salt, Monocle, Robb Report, Fodor's, Tales of the Cocktail and many others. She speaks native-like Spanish and has traveled extensively in the Americas.

    Eileen is currently also seeking representation for a memoir about living to be older than her father, a book that is ultimately about finding home.

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Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
4.6 out of 5
288 global ratings
Speaking Truth about Death
5 Stars
Speaking Truth about Death
After the first few essays I almost returned the book. The writing was so very raw. But I persisted, and opened up to the fact that this frank, no-holds-barred look a the heartbreak I am feeling after the loss of my elder, only sister was exactly what I needed. I have recently been co-facilitating a Death Cafe with my friend who is a death doula. Death is a taboo topic in our culture, and grief doesn't fair much better. Just when the words are getting too awfully heavy, along comes a cartoon treatment of loss. Droll. Important. We have not heard the last of these two, not by a long shot.
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Top reviews from the United States

Thomas A. Smith
5.0 out of 5 stars the death of a loved one humorous?
Reviewed in the United States on February 14, 2018
Verified Purchase
I'm about 30 pages from the end of the book, and I am sorry there isn't more of the same. Mindy Kaling is quoted as calling this book "witty and entertaining," and I have to admit, that initially put me off. I mean, come on: the death of a loved one humorous? grief entertaining? But every time I picked this up, I found I didn't want to stop, not because the stories here are laugh-out-loud funny (although there are a few chuckles here), but because the writers are telling us truths about the grieving process that are perceptive, warm, heartbreakingly poignant, and just plain real. After my wife of 25 years died 17 months ago, I bought a copy of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's "On Death and Dying," and found it of little to no consolation, because I was not the ideal audience for that book. One she later co-authored, "On Grief and Grieving," came closer to the mark, but still left me feeling no respite from my constant pain. Two more forgettable books by other authors left me wondering if anyone truly understood how difficult it is to carry on when the focal point of your daily life is... well, simply -- gone. The writings compiled here in "Modern Loss" reveal that there are indeed people out there who get it, who struggle with the same old same old every day, all the while aching with the absence of that one individual (in some cases, more than one) who could offer comfort, and solace, and balm for the hurt that often cripples us into inertia. Some of the stories here are light and even playful, but I can't read more than a dozen pages without needing a Kleenex box handy (and I cry a lot more than any other 67-year-old guy I know). I can't say I feel any lessening of my grief (and I really don't want to, to be honest; I'm not sure I'll ever get over my wife's death), but I am comforted far more than I expected to be in knowing I am not alone in undergoing this awful involuntary change in my life. There is some salty language here for readers sensitive to that, but I recommend this book VERY highly to anyone seeking assurance that yes, life after a death CAN go on.
68 people found this helpful
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Rose
5.0 out of 5 stars Unique way of writing about loss
Reviewed in the United States on October 29, 2022
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This book arrived on time and I loved it. It took me longer than it should have to finish it but I had other things going on in my life at the time. My grandfather passed away around the time I got it mainly why I bought it in the first place. It's great whether your currently grieving a loss or some time afterwards. The stories in it have a unique and funny funny on loss. Loss of a loved one isn't easy to talk about or write about by any means and everyone does it in there own way, but I was impressed by this book and would recommend it to anyone who has lost a loved one by natural cause etc.
3 people found this helpful
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Judith Leah Sachs
5.0 out of 5 stars For a book called Modern Loss, this is surprisingly calming, funny and charming
Reviewed in the United States on April 19, 2018
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I purchased Modern Loss at a time when I had not yet lost someone close to me, but feared losing them was on the horizon. I was astonished and overwhelmed with the complex emotions told in each story through such human, surprisingly funny and emotional tones. The book has been a great source of comfort since the passing of my loved one and it's incredible how much the stories changed from my initial read (pre-loss) and the subsequent reading (after the loss). The stories contained in these essays are so universal that I don't even feel you need to be on the brink of nor muddling through a loss to enjoy them though. It's a glimpse into people's lives at a time of heightened emotion and each and every one is unique and wonderful in its own right.
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Sandra
4.0 out of 5 stars Good book
Reviewed in the United States on October 18, 2021
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These books are just as important for friends and family of the bereaved who dont have a clue
One person found this helpful
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Roni Birkner Lang
5.0 out of 5 stars I was the one who had to tell her of the horrible events that took the lives of two people she ...
Reviewed in the United States on January 29, 2018
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Yes, I must disclose that one of the writers is my daughter Gabrielle who lost her father and step-mother. In 2004. I was the one who had to tell her of the horrible events that took the lives of two people she loved. I saw first hand, the complicated torrent of grief, despair and eventually healing over many years. Despite the fact that I am her mother, a therapist, and truly wanted to be of help, I have to admit I wasn’t always good at it. I read all I could on loss, sudden death, traumatic death, and complicated grief that I thought might be of help to me and her. Healing wasn’t exactly through me but I was able to see first hand he metamorphosis out of the morass through Gabrielle’s support group, her friends, POMC group and especially her WWDP group out of where the seeds of the website and now this book Modern Loss were sown. Gabrielle and Rebecca forged a friendship, a partnership while creating families of their own and working outside jobs. It is downright amazing. Modern Loss widens the lens of understanding grief for the reader in a unique and very valuable way allowing us to hear personal stories of grief touching on so many important issues. One particular take away I got is that when you have heard one story of grief, you have heard one story. And there is no fast healing. You can’t even as a mother soak up the pain like spilled milk. And the best approach to helping is to listen, to bear witness to another’s pain. For when it comes down to it, what most people need is a good listening to. The book lets us look at and listen to stories of grief honestly with all its messiness, and even with a dose a humor. I loved the artwork and especially the guide to grief speak and particularly the description of ugly crying. Out of compassion we sometimes run for the tissues when we are faced with someone who is ugly crying. Maybe we should just wait a bit, don’t be so quick to give a tissue, because when we give a tissue, the message may be stop crying.

This book is for all who will live our lives and experience expected and unexpected losses. It should be added to the shelf of all therapists, clergy and the rest of mortals. Thank you Gabrielle and Rebecca.
13 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

Andrea Weidner
5.0 out of 5 stars So real
Reviewed in Canada on March 4, 2024
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Well written. To the point. Wonderful stories and feelings shared. No holding back its real.
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rose flavor is good having good fragrance and it is easy less time consuming and is effective
5.0 out of 5 stars best book
Reviewed in India on July 25, 2023
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amazing book
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Anna B
5.0 out of 5 stars Thoughtful, relatable and well written!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 10, 2020
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This book is very thoughtful and well written. I personally loved how it didn't remind me of my lost loved one and make me sad, it was just relatable and makes you realise your not alone in any of your feelings after someone has died however long it's been. And that's why j gave it 5 stars, its the truth, its not self help, it raw stories from people who have been there!
I Highley recommend it to all as I think it would be educational to even those who've not experienced greif!
Only bad point: I was under the impression that this was the book for young people who have lost parents (I believe this was from a website and not the book however hence the 5 stars) and its nor specifically around this topic.
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Sue Down
5.0 out of 5 stars great book
Reviewed in Canada on May 26, 2019
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looks like a great book....will be a good resource in my volunteer counseling role
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