Review
"The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist belongs on passive-aggressive every survivor's bookshelf. Debbie Mirza's book is a compassionate and healing resource for anyone seeking relief after narcissistic abuse. She clearly identifies subtle red flags that are often so difficult for survivors to pinpoint, while also encouraging the reader to look inward for solutions. Her warm and encouraging words are like receiving a written hug when you need it most."-Jackson MacKenzie, author of Psychopath Free and Whole Again
"This is an insightful book for therapists working with complex trauma and/or Complex-PTSD. Clinicians can diagnose "textbook" narcissism. However, covert passive-aggressive narcissism is difficult to identify and not widely recognized in the field of mental health therapy. Debbie shines a light on interpersonal relationships with a CPAN by naming experiences and behavioral patterns. As a clinical social worker, I love this book and use it as a basis of understanding clients who have experienced emotional and psychological abuse by someone they love.
Thank you for having the wisdom to write this book and validate the invisible scars of survivors because this is where healing begins." -Denise Malm, LSWAIC, GMHS
"The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist brings a massive sigh of relief to people who have been involved with, were raised by, or worked with someone who has made them feel crazy, exhausted, depressed, unworthy, guilty, terrified, and chronically anxious, while they charmed and amazed others. Debbie Mirza provides insight, answers, and healing to those who have wondered whether they have been abused by a narcissist but have not found themselves or their answers in the current literature on Narcissist Abuse. As a Clinical Psychologist for over 20 years, I find that The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist fills in the missing pieces in this field for clinicians and victims alike. Debbie clarifies this phenomenon/personality disorder when I have struggled to explain it in my own life and in the stories of countless patients. You aren't crazy: this book helps you identify and name the abuse--so you can be free to truly reclaim your life."
-Robin LW Alchin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist
"Passive-aggression. Narcissism. These terms are bandied about in 21st-century America, often without a clear definition, and without understanding how to respond effectively once they are recognized.
Enter Debbie Mirza, and her brilliant, immensely helpful book, The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist. She realized that passive-aggression and narcissism coexist, that these behaviors are epidemic in our culture and that millions of people are guilty of them. She realized it because she herself was once the target of a Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist (CN). After finding her way out, she used her experience to write her book, and, in so doing, she is helping other targets to escape from their base relationships. Chapter 3 uniquely describes those who are likely to be victimized by CNs: empathic, compassionate, nurturing, trusting, dependable, flexible -- all the positive traits of beautiful human beings. Their task is to realize their sense of self-worth in order to extricate themselves from the grip of the Ctextbook and to find peace. The book offers multiple strategies for doing so, including a checklist of Traits of Real Love, so that the survivor recognizes it when it is found.It is a book to be read and re-read by clients and therapists alike, as it is an important contribution to self-help literature." -Judy M. Sobczak, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist
"As a psychotherapist, this book has proven to be an outstanding, effective tool to help clients in these types of relationships be able to finally understand and clearly know what they are dealing with. The author does an excellent job of clearly identifying and providing a name to all the ''crazy-making" behaviors the covert passive-aggressive narcissist does in order to make my clients feel like they are never enough. It identifies those gaslighting behaviors, dissects and defines them one by one, in a clear, concise way with lots of real-life examples. Before I read this book, I didn't have the words to describe a dysfunctional relationship of this sort. Now I do...and it has made a world of difference to my clients by not only improving their lives but also eliminating depression and anxiety symptoms which were a result of the covert passive aggressive narcissist's behaviors."
-Pam Hauke, MSW, LCSW, SAC
From the Author
Dear Reader,
Writing this book was a passion project for me.
I had you in mind with every word.
I wrote this book so you could have the answers you have been looking for, the clarity you deserve.
If you have come to this book, I imagine you are probably in a relationship, or coming out of one that has been incredibly confusing and hurtful. You have most likely thought the issues in the relationship were your fault. You have either been told this by your partner, parent, friend, sibling, or co-worker, or given this message through subtle means.
You may be questioning your own reality and are filled with self-doubt. Your physical health has been affected. The light inside you has dimmed.
This person you have experienced is probably well liked, which makes this even more confusing. They may even do things to help others or are in a profession where they are revered. They could even be looked up to as a guru, a therapist, a pastor, a leader of some kind. They are probably successful, charming, and appear sincere.
I know what it is like to be utterly confused by a relationship with someone you love deeply and honestly. I know what it is like to have the life inside you slowly drain away until you are an exhausted version of yourself with low self-esteem and little self-confidence.
Covert narcissism is the most confusing and crazy making type of narcissism. These people have the same traits as the well-known overt narcissist, but the way they manifest is very different. You can live with a covert narcissist for years and not see through their behavior.
Years ago, I searched for answers to help with my own confusion. I read many books on narcissism but could not find any on the covert type. After years of piecing together information from various sources, I decided to write the book I had needed and couldn't find so other survivors, like you, would have the information that would help you heal, all in one place.
In preparation for this book, I interviewed more than 100 survivors. I also spoke with therapists in this field. I did in-depth research on the topic because I wanted to make sure this book would be accurate, comprehensive, and incredibly helpful for you. You deserve that.
As I met more and more people who have experienced this type of relationship, my heart was affected tremendously. Witnessing their pain, their wounded hearts, and their strength was humbling and brought out a fierceness in me that made me want to make this the most helpful book I possibly could. In this book, I explain the traits of a covert narcissist. I share lots of stories from people I've interviewed to illustrate the traits.
I also spend a lot of time talking about healing. If you have read this far, my hunch is you have probably been through or are going through a tremendously difficult and crazy-making experience with a covert narcissist. You deserve to find clarity and ultimately heal the wounds this relationship has caused. I go into further depth of how to heal in another book I wrote called, The Safest Place Possible, where I share some of my own personal stories and the process I went through to heal.
Being with a covert narcissist can take you far away from the person you really are. My hope is this book will help bring you back to your stunning self.
May you find all the answers you are looking for and come to a place of freedom and peace. That may not feel possible right now, but trust me, it is.
With love,
Debbie Mirza
About the Author
Debbie Mirza is an author, restorative coach, and singer/songwriter.
She is the author of the best-selling book, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse, which has helped thousands of people around the world understand the most hidden and insidious form of narcissism that is currently affecting millions of people without them realizing what they are dealing with (this book is now available in Spanish), and The Safest Place Possible: A Guide to Healing and Transformation, a book about the power of self-love to heal after emotional and psychological trauma. This book includes some of Debbie's personal story of healing, as well as 21 practical, gentle exercises of self-love.
As a coach, she works with people who are coming out of relationships with covert narcissists, helping men and women recognize the truth of what they have experienced, and come back to their genuine magnificence.
She offers online courses as well as guided meditations and calming music to help with the healing process on her website. Her debut album, Soul Rising can be found on Amazon, iTunes, CDbaby, and Google Play.
You can also find Debbie on her YouTube channel as well as a private online support group she created on Facebook.
Learn more about Debbie's work and offerings at debbiemirza.com.
Narcissists are deeply unhappy people. They get jealous of you when you are experiencing life and happiness. They do not want you to be happy and strong as those feelings threaten their ability to control you.Highlighted by 3,118 Kindle readers
