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The Mediator's Toolkit: Formulating and Asking Questions for Successful Outcomes Kindle Edition

4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars 100 ratings

“Dives deep into the psychology of information and emotion in conflict situations . . . Highly recommended for facilitators and negotiators as well as mediators.” —Jennifer Beer, author of The Mediator’s Handbook and negotiation instructor at Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania

Knowing how to formulate and ask incisive questions to get to the core of a conflict, challenge entrenched thinking, and shift perspectives is the key to successful conflict resolution.
The Mediator’s Toolkit employs the author’s powerful “S Questions Model” to provide readers with the skills and tools to do just that. It addresses four dimensions of successful questions for mediation: the subject matter dimension, the structure dimension, the information-seeking dimension, and the shifting thinking dimension. The toolkit clearly explains:
  • The theory behind each question type, including exploration of relevant neuroscience and psychology
  • The purpose of different types of questions
  • How the questions work
  • When to use different types of questions
  • How to build and apply questions to mediation in a non-threatening way


This essential practical guide will radically sharpen, focus, and improve the questioning skills of qualified mediators, students, lecturers, trainers, and those using questions to challenge and effect change, in any context.
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From the Publisher

Mediator's Toolkit: Learn to ask incisive question and get to the core of any conflict
strategic questions, core of conflict, s questions model, questioning skills, qualified mediators
New Society Publishers: Committed to ensuring the health of the environment for future generations

Editorial Reviews

Review

"All the most important conflicts we face today, from war and politics to workplace and domestic disputes, are sparked by the brain's responses to conflict. In the last few years, groundbreaking neurophysiological research has led to profound new understandings of how the brain works, and to immensely creative, powerful new ways of responding to conflict. Gerry O'Sullivan has written a wonderful, well-researched, fascinating and practical toolkit for mediators that offers fresh new insights into how we can help our brains discover the questions that can transform conflicts into opportunities for resolution, learning and improved relationships. It is a terrific read, and one you will relish and be grateful for."
— Kenneth Cloke, mediator and author of
The Dance of Opposites: Explorations in Mediation, Dialogue and Conflict Resolution Systems Design.

"An invaluable analysis, not merely of questions, but of a range of process interventions, to equip mediators in all sectors to deepen the effectiveness of their work with people in dispute. Mediators have to work in the moment, exercising their intuition in a flash as to what to do next and how. This book will help to develop the internal base from which such intuitive insights emerge."
— Tony Allen, Mediator and Senior Consultant to CEDR, London

"As a mediator and trainer this is a must have book. It fills a gap in the literature that has long been ignored but goes to the heart of mediating conflicts. The Mediator's Toolkit: Formulating and Asking Questions for Successful Outcomes strikes the right balance between theory and practice making sure mediators know what to ask; why these questions are important; and the theoretical foundations of the cognitive shift the questions seek to initiate. O'Sullivan's examples and cases are reflective of a mediator's reality making the toolkit a valuable book to buy in hardcover and keep on the desk."
— Dr. Juan Diaz-Prinz, Mediator and Trainer in Conflict Management, Berlin, Germany

"The Mediator's Toolkit stands out among all teaching, self-help and learning books for mediators (professionals and wanna-bes), and their trainers, because it touches the part of mediator's art which most professionals only reach through sweat and blood during many mediations: the art of knowing how, when and why to ask the timely felicitous questions. This is revealed masterfully in the 'S Questions Model' developed by O'Sullivan. This book will immediately go to the must-have/reading lists and will become one of my everyday reference books. The content is so well organised, it is an easy-to-use source of information and an inspiration for creative mediation work."
— Irena Vanenkova, international mediator, Moscow, Russia; director, Singapore International Mediation Institute; former executive director, International Mediation Institute

"Questions are the steering wheel for navigating difficult conversations, and at long last mediators have a valuable guide in the Mediator's Toolkit. The book dives deep into the psychology of information and emotion in conflict situations, illustrating in nuanced detail how well crafted questions can lead conflicting parties to a wider understanding and therefore better outcomes. Highly recommended for facilitators and negotiators as well as mediators."
— Jennifer Beer, author,
The Mediator's Handbook; Negotiation instructor, Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania

"Thoroughly enjoyable read as well as an invaluable resource for mediators in training and experienced mediators, which will become an immediate "classic". The accessible writing, illustrations, case studies, and questions make it a must-read on our programme Reading Lists. I look forward to continuing to dip in and out of the book in my own preparation for and reflection on my mediation practice."
— Treasa Kenny, Academic Programme Coordinator and Lecturer, Edward M. Kennedy Institute for Conflict Intervention, Maynooth University, Ireland

"The Mediator's Toolkit is a rare thing indeed — a practical manual built on a solid foundation of knowledge and theory. Set out in an engaging, user friendly format, this book fills a crucial gap in mediation skills and practice — knowing WHY and HOW different questions work at various junctures in mediation, instead of just providing a list of interventions. Drawing on cutting edge research in psychology and neuroscience, this book gives both novice and experienced mediators new insight into their practice, and a concrete and easy to use model for improving this practice and developing their skills to a very high level. This book is essential reading for all students of conflict and mediation, and should have a place in the briefcase of every practising mediator, no matter how experienced."
— Sabine Walsh, President, Mediators' Institute of Ireland, Course Director, MA Conflict Management, St. Angela's College Sligo

"Questioning is often an unknown territory that O'Sullivan unravels. The Mediator's Toolkit is a most welcome, useful, and sophisticated addition to the mediation and conflict coaching field. It synthesizes and explains the tools that are most relevant to questions in a user friendly, while intelligent fashion, with a view to practice. It will be a reference book for the serious hands-on professional for years to come."
— Dr. Antje Herrberg, CEO, Mediateur; Adjunct Professor in Peace Mediation, College of Europe; Former Member of the UN Standby Team for Mediation

"During my 24 years of mediating, I have always felt there has been insufficient attention given to the role of effective use of questions as part of the mediator's toolkit. Indeed in my experience most mediator training and texts only pay cursory attention to this skill-set. The Mediator's Toolkit skillfully and clearly fills this gap. It provides mediators with a clear conceptual framework to structure their questioning, clearly sets out the theoretical and psychological underpinnings to these techniques and then in some detail gives practical examples of how these questions may be used in mediation. While clearly written with mediators in mind, it is an invaluable resources to all those looking to resolve conflict."
— James South, Mediator and Managing Director, The Centre for Effective Dispute Resolution (CEDR), London

Review

"All the most important conflicts we face today, from war and politics to workplace and domestic disputes, are sparked by the brain's responses to conflict. In the last few years, groundbreaking neurophysiological research has led to profound new understandings of how the brain works, and to immensely creative, powerful new ways of responding to conflict. Gerry O'Sullivan has written a wonderful, well-researched, fascinating and practical toolkit for mediators that offers fresh new insights into how we can help our brains discover the questions that can transform conflicts into opportunities for resolution, learning and improved relationships. It is a terrific read, and one you will relish and be grateful for."
― Kenneth Cloke, mediator and author of
The Dance of Opposites: Explorations in Mediation, Dialogue and Conflict Resolution Systems Design.

"An invaluable analysis, not merely of questions, but of a range of process interventions, to equip mediators in all sectors to deepen the effectiveness of their work with people in dispute. Mediators have to work in the moment, exercising their intuition in a flash as to what to do next and how. This book will help to develop the internal base from which such intuitive insights emerge."
― Tony Allen, Mediator and Senior Consultant to CEDR, London

"As a mediator and trainer this is a must have book. It fills a gap in the literature that has long been ignored but goes to the heart of mediating conflicts. The Mediator's Toolkit: Formulating and Asking Questions for Successful Outcomes strikes the right balance between theory and practice making sure mediators know what to ask; why these questions are important; and the theoretical foundations of the cognitive shift the questions seek to initiate. O'Sullivan's examples and cases are reflective of a mediator's reality making the toolkit a valuable book to buy in hardcover and keep on the desk."
― Dr. Juan Diaz-Prinz, Mediator and Trainer in Conflict Management, Berlin, Germany

"The Mediator's Toolkit stands out among all teaching, self-help and learning books for mediators (professionals and wanna-bes), and their trainers, because it touches the part of mediator's art which most professionals only reach through sweat and blood during many mediations: the art of knowing how, when and why to ask the timely felicitous questions. This is revealed masterfully in the 'S Questions Model' developed by O'Sullivan. This book will immediately go to the must-have/reading lists and will become one of my everyday reference books. The content is so well organised, it is an easy-to-use source of information and an inspiration for creative mediation work."
― Irena Vanenkova, international mediator, Moscow, Russia; director, Singapore International Mediation Institute; former executive director, International Mediation Institute

"Questions are the steering wheel for navigating difficult conversations, and at long last mediators have a valuable guide in the Mediator's Toolkit. The book dives deep into the psychology of information and emotion in conflict situations, illustrating in nuanced detail how well crafted questions can lead conflicting parties to a wider understanding and therefore better outcomes. Highly recommended for facilitators and negotiators as well as mediators."
― Jennifer Beer, author,
The Mediator's Handbook; Negotiation instructor, Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania

"Thoroughly enjoyable read as well as an invaluable resource for mediators in training and experienced mediators, which will become an immediate "classic". The accessible writing, illustrations, case studies, and questions make it a must-read on our programme Reading Lists. I look forward to continuing to dip in and out of the book in my own preparation for and reflection on my mediation practice."
― Treasa Kenny, Academic Programme Coordinator and Lecturer, Edward M. Kennedy Institute for Conflict Intervention, Maynooth University, Ireland

"The Mediator's Toolkit is a rare thing indeed ― a practical manual built on a solid foundation of knowledge and theory. Set out in an engaging, user friendly format, this book fills a crucial gap in mediation skills and practice ― knowing WHY and HOW different questions work at various junctures in mediation, instead of just providing a list of interventions. Drawing on cutting edge research in psychology and neuroscience, this book gives both novice and experienced mediators new insight into their practice, and a concrete and easy to use model for improving this practice and developing their skills to a very high level. This book is essential reading for all students of conflict and mediation, and should have a place in the briefcase of every practising mediator, no matter how experienced."
― Sabine Walsh, President, Mediators' Institute of Ireland, Course Director, MA Conflict Management, St. Angela's College Sligo

"Questioning is often an unknown territory that O'Sullivan unravels. The Mediator's Toolkit is a most welcome, useful, and sophisticated addition to the mediation and conflict coaching field. It synthesizes and explains the tools that are most relevant to questions in a user friendly, while intelligent fashion, with a view to practice. It will be a reference book for the serious hands-on professional for years to come."
― Dr. Antje Herrberg, CEO, Mediateur; Adjunct Professor in Peace Mediation, College of Europe; Former Member of the UN Standby Team for Mediation

"During my 24 years of mediating, I have always felt there has been insufficient attention given to the role of effective use of questions as part of the mediator's toolkit. Indeed in my experience most mediator training and texts only pay cursory attention to this skill-set. The Mediator's Toolkit skillfully and clearly fills this gap. It provides mediators with a clear conceptual framework to structure their questioning, clearly sets out the theoretical and psychological underpinnings to these techniques and then in some detail gives practical examples of how these questions may be used in mediation. While clearly written with mediators in mind, it is an invaluable resources to all those looking to resolve conflict."
― James South, Mediator and Managing Director, The Centre for Effective Dispute Resolution (CEDR), London

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B07F5C4FZ1
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ New Society Publishers (September 18, 2018)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ September 18, 2018
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 10860 KB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 259 pages
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars 100 ratings

About the author

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Gerry O'Sullivan
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‘The Mediator’s Toolkit: Formulating and Asking Questions for Successful Outcomes’

Website: https://www.osullivansolutions.ie

​LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gerryosullivanmediationtraining/

Book endorsements:

http://www.osullivansolutions.ie/shtml/mediators_toolkit.shtml

Kenneth Cloke, Mediator and Author, California:

"Gerry O’Sullivan has written a wonderful, well-researched, fascinating and practical toolkit for mediators that offers fresh new insights into how we can help our brains discover the questions that can transform conflicts into opportunities for resolution, learning and improved relationships. It is a terrific read, and one you will relish and be grateful for.”

Video description of the book:

https://www.osullivansolutions.ie/who-i-am/my-book/

or

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=The+Mediator%27s+Toolkit+

ONLINE TRAINING BASED ON THE BOOK

Online mediation training on 'The S Questions Model' as developed in the book 'The Mediator's Toolkit: Formulating and Asking Questions for Successful Outcomes'

https://www.osullivansolutions.ie/mediation-questions-training/

This interesting and exciting online mediation training will bring you to being an advanced level mediator with a skillset of mediation questions to bring parties to settlement.

Feedback from Kathleen Young, M. Ed., North Shore, Massachusetts, U.S.A.

‘The ‘S Questions Model’ is one of the most meaningful and useful trainings I've experienced - a truly transformative model of questioning. Gerry teaches the art of asking questions on a whole new level. I will never mediate or coach in the same way again.’

Video description of the online training - live through zoom and self-paced learning:

https://youtu.be/4NnBxeYB0Gk

or

https://www.osullivansolutions.ie/mediation-questions-training/

OTHER COMMENTS FROM THE ONLINE TRAINING:

Ireland

‘I completed the fantastic online course on ‘The S Questions Model Training’. The engaging course material – expertly delivered - gave me new insights into the skill of question formulation for mediation. Gerry is making an enormous contribution to the Mediation profession, thank you for a truly excellent course.’

Teresa Blake, Senior Counsel (Member of the Inner Bar) & Accredited Mediator

South Africa

‘Gerry is a question wizard. She knows exactly what type of question to ask to unlock a situation. Her poise, calm manner and extensive experience with which she asks even incisive and uncomfortable questions are exemplary. I enjoyed the online training and her sharing of knowledge and skills tremendously.’

Naett Atkinson, Co-Founder at Let’s Resolve

Moldova

‘This online course is really insightful. It provides the opportunity not only to deepen the theoretical knowledge of the mediation process in a structured way, but also to practice some techniques with your peers‘

Natalia Djandigava, Project Manager at Crisis Management Initiative (CMI), Moldova

Ireland

‘I found the content and delivery to be exceptional and I can honestly say that I have learned more from this incredible training than any other course I have completed. I attended the live four half-days online training.’

Sharon McGarr, BA (Hons) Psychology, MA Mediation and Conflict Intervention, Fieldwork Coordinator on the PRIMERA Project

Scotland

‘I’ve just finished a brilliant online training course delivered by the wonderfully knowledgeable and published author, Gerry O'Sullivan. I highly recommend Gerry’s course - and her book!’

Rachael Bicknell, Founder Squaring Circles, Mediator & Solicitor, Edinburgh, Scotland

WHO AM I?

The first thing I need to say is that I love training mediators, passionately.

And the second thing I need to say is that I have become an author by default!

While training mediators for the Mediators' Institute of Ireland, I noted that when learners became 'stuck' when playing the part of a mediator in a mediation role play, they were always searching for the next question, the question that would help to create a paradigm shift in the thinking and approach of parties in conflict, and fix everything! So, I started to search for a helpful book but I could not find one dedicated to this topic.

It looked like I needed to develop my own model if I was to serve my learners adequately and so I started a fascinating five-year journey of research and writing to produce 'The S Questions Model' as introduced in the 'The Mediator's Toolkit: Formulating and Asking Questions for Successful Outcomes'.

This book delves into the theory behind each of the mediation question types, including exploration of relevant neuroscience and psychology, the purpose of different types of question, how the question works, when to use it and how to build and apply the questions to mediation in a non-threatening way.

I started to use the one-page graphic of this model-in-development as a reference tool during my own mediation practice, as well as for my training programmes. This really helped me to expand and refine the model for production in 'The Mediator's Toolkit: Formulating and Asking Questions for Successful Outcomes'. But the development of the 'S Questions Model' is a continuing journey and I look forward to having feedback from readers and learners so it can be further refined.

The last thing you need to know is that I live in a most beautiful part of the world called Maharees, on the Dingle peninsula in Ireland, but I am willing to leave it and travel anywhere in the world to deliver training programmes on ‘The S Questions Model’. I have developed a training package, that includes film footage of mediation role plays, on how to use this questions model in mediation.

ENDORSEMENTS

Book endorsements:

http://www.osullivansolutions.ie/shtml/mediators_toolkit.shtml

CONTACT

https://www.osullivansolutions.ie

If you have any questions, please contact me on osullivansolutions1@gmail.com or WhatsApp text at 00353879887771.

Thank you,

Gerry

Customer reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
4.8 out of 5
100 global ratings
Invaluable to My Mediation and Coaching Practice
5 Stars
Invaluable to My Mediation and Coaching Practice
This is, by far, the most practical and insightful book I have read on mediation. It provides theories, specific examples and checklists on how to formulate questions to help clients move past obstacles to greater understanding and transformation. I will never mediate or coach in the same way again. Gerry O'Sullivan "gets" the magic behind mediation, and I am so grateful for her expertise.Kathleen Young, Young Mediation Associates
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Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on September 13, 2022
This is an outstanding 'read' and training guide for mediators and anyone else who would like to gain valuable questioning skills. In it, Gerry O'Sullivan teaches us how to ask incisive questions that make a difference. To do that, she uses her own 'S Questions Model' which is an in depth study of questioning from theory to practical use all presented in a simple and straight-forward manner. The reader, whether new to the world of mediation or a seasoned veteran, will gain valuable skills and understanding in formulating and asking questions just as the book's title states. Since proper questioning is at the heart-beat of a mediator's role, the benefits from reading this book cannot be understated.

My experience with the Kindle version of this book is certainly positive, but there is some distortion of the many useful figures/charts that the author, Gerry O'Sullivan has given us as learning tools. If you are a fan of Kindle readers like me, I strongly suggest that you purchase that version along with the paperback. Otherwise, I wouldn't be without the printed version which is well laid out, logical and easy to read. I would give this book 5 stars all the way. The combination of Gerry O'Sullivan's writing, research and teaching skills and the New Society Publishers crisp/clean publishing skills certainly makes for a 'home-run'!
One person found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on July 6, 2021
The Mediator's Toolkit is provides real, practical strategies that I've put into use immediately at work. I've taken a 40-hour in-person workshop that cost a lot of money, but it did not compare to the deep level of useful knowledge Ms. O'Sullivan provides. I wish I had this book back then! As a Human Resources professional, I've always felt like I needed to solve everyone's problems and provide all the answers. With The Mediator's Toolkit, I've learned that the answers are in the conflicting parties - all I have to do is help them find it!

I can tell Ms. O'Sullivan is an expert with years of experience, based on how directly she teaches. Other mediation authors I've read waste too much time talking about their own backgrounds and only vaguely advises on what to do. The bulk of The Mediator's Toolkit provides extensive definitions, methodologies, and examples of 4 categories of questions: The subject matter, structure, seeking information, and shift thinking. She provides useful information about the way we processed information and how the brain works and responds.

I'm so impressed by this book, that I plan to take Ms. O'Sullivan's online class!
3 people found this helpful
Report
Reviewed in the United States on February 8, 2022
This is, by far, the most practical and insightful book I have read on mediation. It provides theories, specific examples and checklists on how to formulate questions to help clients move past obstacles to greater understanding and transformation. I will never mediate or coach in the same way again. Gerry O'Sullivan "gets" the magic behind mediation, and I am so grateful for her expertise.
Kathleen Young, Young Mediation Associates
Customer image
5.0 out of 5 stars Invaluable to My Mediation and Coaching Practice
Reviewed in the United States on February 8, 2022
This is, by far, the most practical and insightful book I have read on mediation. It provides theories, specific examples and checklists on how to formulate questions to help clients move past obstacles to greater understanding and transformation. I will never mediate or coach in the same way again. Gerry O'Sullivan "gets" the magic behind mediation, and I am so grateful for her expertise.
Kathleen Young, Young Mediation Associates
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Customer image
Customer image
Reviewed in the United States on July 14, 2023
This book really has assisted me in my meditation work.
Reviewed in the United States on March 23, 2020
Impasse is no fun for a mediator. The parties can be stuck. The truth is that I can be stuck. This Toolkit is the perfect solution for impasse....you can gear up with a question or two that will help regain some movement. This Toolkit is literally 12 inches away from me as I type this and I always include it in my briefcase for those times when I need to caucus with myself! Brilliant book, utterly valuable, exceptionally clear and to the point. If you have one reference book as a mediator, this Toolkit must be the one.
Reviewed in the United States on September 13, 2020
The information shared by the author, Gerry O'Sullivan, is a wonderful addition to my mediation and coaching library. I've used it to prepare for mediation and conflict management coaching meetings with clients.
One person found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on November 12, 2020
This book is an excellent resource for mediators. Since reading the book, I have started using the S Questions model and have found it quite successful.
One person found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

MC Kilby
5.0 out of 5 stars Well researched and detailed
Reviewed in Canada on May 30, 2022
This book offers an analytical method for improving one's abilities to guide participants in a mediation. It is thoughtful, well-researched, and supported by the experience of the author. I found it very helpful to take the training offered by the author to help solidify the concepts in this book and learn how best to use them in real life. Highly recommend for anyone who works as a mediator, whether officially or as part of their other roles!
Morgan O'Rahilly
5.0 out of 5 stars An essential tool
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 14, 2023
Ive found this book to be a very valuable tool in mediating, especially when combined with Gerrys advanced questioning training, which really brought it to light. I use this book regularly, often just after intake of new cases once Ive had the opportunity to meet with them on a one to one basis and prior to and in preparation for joint sessions. I really believe it has greatly informed my practice and helping to understand where clients may be in themselves within their conflict and in helping them to move through their conflicts to resolution with greater ease.
JenB
5.0 out of 5 stars An absolute "must read" for mediators. I highly recommend!
Reviewed in Canada on December 11, 2022
This is a must read for any mediator. Highly recommend!
helen quigg
5.0 out of 5 stars A must have for any successful Mediator
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 6, 2023
I was fortunate to have the pleasure to be trained as a mediator by Gerry. During my training the book was a great source of information and it was so easy to follow. As a mediator I now find the book even more useful as a great reference to ensure I keep up my skills and knowledge. I would highly recommend this book for those interested in mediation.
Estelle Varney
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent resource
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 30, 2023
Gerry translates neurology to practical, accessible and successful tools for conflict resolution. A must-have for every mediator
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