As a parent of an adult son with bi-polar, ADHD, and substance abuse issues, I tend to read a lot of books and articles for insight and guidance. In fact, an earlier book by Allison Bottke, called, “Setting Boundaries with your Adult Children,” has inspired me and greatly strengthened my resolve.
Ms. Bottke’s newest book, “How to Connect with Your Troubled Adult Children,” addresses some of the same issues as her earlier work, but includes more concepts specifically related to “troubled” individuals – those dealing with drugs or alcohol use/abuse, mental conditions, and physical health constraints. Since she has gone through many of the same trials, her words, resources, and approach ring true and sincere.
Not simply a “feel good” book, “How to Connect with your Troubled Adult Children,” validated many of my experiences including financial pressures, irrational feelings of guilt and obligation, concepts like enabling and boundary-setting, and changes that must be made by each parent as well as the child with difficulties. Her pace and writing style make this book very comfortable and approachable. It’s not preachy or judgmental, and offers many practical ways of dealing with life with adult children, whether or not they live at home.
I’ve come away from this book with renewed determination to make the best of our bad situation, as well as an improved attitude toward my son and our family as a whole. The only element that I wish she had spent more space on would be specific suggestions for consequences and what to say under different circumstances. On the other hand, she provides outstanding examples of letters that can be used when working through bringing a troubled adult child to a point of independence. Several are in the book, and many others are on her website.
Because the book is targeted towards the parents/caregivers, there are a variety of encouraging phrases sprinkled throughout the chapters. Many of them deal with how to care for ourselves, how to find peace within the chaos, and how to become a strong, independent adult (as the parent!). Ms. Bottke is a Christian, and this book reflects the wisdom and advice from the Bible as well as from her personal experiences. I would recommend this book to believers as well as non-Christians, because the basic tenets are grounded in common sense and individual responsibility.
I was provided a complimentary Advance copy of the book from the author and volunteered for the opportunity to provide an honest, impartial review. I was not required to write a positive review and all thoughts and opinions I have expressed are entirely my own.
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About the author
Practical advice and compassionate writing
I was first introduced to author Allison Bottke’s work when I read her book “Setting Boundaries with Difficult People.” This subject matter has always been interesting to me and I thought her perspective was fresh with practical steps. When I had an opportunity to get an advance copy of her newest book, “How to Connect with Your Troubled Adult Children”, I didn’t hesitate to sign up.One thing I should share is I actually don’t have a troubled adult child. But I do have other family members struggling with boundaries, signs of mental illness and substance abuse. That being said, I think this book can help anyone who has a loved one that is struggling, a loved one that breaks your heart over and over due to their poor choices.In this book Allison has once again shared her strategy for dealing with things that are out of our control, like other people’s choices and consequences. She calls this action plan SANITY, which I find clever as well as fitting. The acronym stands for: Stop. Assemble. Nip. Implement. Trust. Yield. She goes into detail how each step works and I believe this can be applied to a lot of situations.Allison is a Christian and her writing is from the perspective of someone who has used her faith to guide her and help her surrender that which is out of her control. If you are not a Christian or have no basis for faith then this may not be a book that you would embrace. I found the scripture references and her ideas on where faith plays into the bigger picture of life reassuring.This book is as much about making sure you don’t lose yourself in the path of your child’s self-destruction as it is a tool to help you understand your child and their suffering a little better, but not in the way that it gets them off the hook for their choices. Rather, it teaches you that you can have compassion and relate to your child in a loving way without becoming a casualty in their path, but it requires setting some non-negotiable boundaries.This book is thoughtful and compassionate towards both the parent and the child. It is hard to look at the bigger picture of life and to believe that God has a plan for all of us. I feel Allison has done a great job expressing that in this book. I hope that all hurting loved ones can read this book and find the comfort and validation that they need to find peace, to let go and let God.I was provided a complimentary advance copy of this book from the author and volunteered for the opportunity to provide an honest, impartial review. I was not required to write a positive review, and all thoughts and opinions I have expressed are entirely my own.*I gave it 4 stars only because I think the Christian theme limits the audience.
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