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See What You Made Me Do: Power, Control and Domestic Violence Paperback – June 3, 2019

by Jess Hill (Author)
4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 794 ratings
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"Women are abused or killed by their partners at astonishing rates- in Australia, almost 17 per cent of women over the age of fifteen - one in six - have been abused by an intimate partner. In this confronting and deeply researched account, journalist Jess Hill uncovers the ways in which abusers exert control in the darkest - and most intimate - ways imaginable. She asks- What do we know about perpetrators? Why is it so hard to leave? What does successful intervention look like? What emerges is not only a searing investigation of the violence so many women experience, but a dissection of how that violence can be enabled and reinforced by the judicial system we trust to protect us. Combining exhaustive research with riveting storytelling, See What You Made Me Do dismantles the flawed logic of victim-blaming and challenges everything you thought you knew about domestic and family violence."--Publisher's description.
Previous page
  1. Print length
    416 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Black Inc.
  4. Publication date
    June 3, 2019
  5. Dimensions
    6.14 x 0.93 x 9.21 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    1760641405
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1760641405
  8. See all details
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Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Black Inc. (June 3, 2019)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 416 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1760641405
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1760641405
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.4 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.14 x 0.93 x 9.21 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 794 ratings

About the author

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Jess Hill

Jess Hill

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Jess Hill is an investigative journalist and author who’s been reporting exclusively on domestic abuse since 2014. Prior to this, she was a Middle East correspondent, and producer/reporter across ABC TV and radio. Her reporting has been awarded two Walkley awards (Australia's highest journalism prize), an Amnesty International award and three Our Watch awards.

In 2019, published her first book, See What You Made Me Do, about the phenomenon of domestic abuse. It was awarded the 2020 Stella Prize, and has been shortlisted for several others, including the Walkley Book Award. The book has since been revised extensively for both American and British readers, and was published internationally in September 2020.

Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5
794 global ratings
Superb, Informative, Heartbreaking, and Hopeful
5 Stars
Superb, Informative, Heartbreaking, and Hopeful
I hardly know where to begin.My copy is littered with sticky notes and pink highlighting in every chapter. I was captivated both by the stories of women caught in the grips of domestic terrorism and the men in the grip of some toxic shame and the toxic behavior they visited on the women and children they claimed to love. And also somehow liberated by Jess Hill's analysis of the behavior of both perpetrators and a society that enables them and looks the other way.What was eye opening for me was the concept that perpetrators share uncannily similar methods world wide. Almost as if they had gone to a school for abusers. And they shared not just the same predictable tactics for taking their partners prisoner, but also in evading any accountability for their abusive and sometimes murderous behavior.While the level of male violence against women and children is crushingly depressing, I also came away on a hopeful note as she detailed the work of the police and the resolve of the communities in High Point and Bourke to make concrete changes and tackled this problem with grit and determination and ingenuity.
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Top reviews from the United States

Skywriter
5.0 out of 5 stars Superb, Informative, Heartbreaking, and Hopeful
Reviewed in the United States on December 6, 2020
Verified Purchase
I hardly know where to begin.

My copy is littered with sticky notes and pink highlighting in every chapter. I was captivated both by the stories of women caught in the grips of domestic terrorism and the men in the grip of some toxic shame and the toxic behavior they visited on the women and children they claimed to love. And also somehow liberated by Jess Hill's analysis of the behavior of both perpetrators and a society that enables them and looks the other way.

What was eye opening for me was the concept that perpetrators share uncannily similar methods world wide. Almost as if they had gone to a school for abusers. And they shared not just the same predictable tactics for taking their partners prisoner, but also in evading any accountability for their abusive and sometimes murderous behavior.

While the level of male violence against women and children is crushingly depressing, I also came away on a hopeful note as she detailed the work of the police and the resolve of the communities in High Point and Bourke to make concrete changes and tackled this problem with grit and determination and ingenuity.
Customer image
Skywriter
5.0 out of 5 stars Superb, Informative, Heartbreaking, and Hopeful
Reviewed in the United States on December 6, 2020
I hardly know where to begin.

My copy is littered with sticky notes and pink highlighting in every chapter. I was captivated both by the stories of women caught in the grips of domestic terrorism and the men in the grip of some toxic shame and the toxic behavior they visited on the women and children they claimed to love. And also somehow liberated by Jess Hill's analysis of the behavior of both perpetrators and a society that enables them and looks the other way.

What was eye opening for me was the concept that perpetrators share uncannily similar methods world wide. Almost as if they had gone to a school for abusers. And they shared not just the same predictable tactics for taking their partners prisoner, but also in evading any accountability for their abusive and sometimes murderous behavior.

While the level of male violence against women and children is crushingly depressing, I also came away on a hopeful note as she detailed the work of the police and the resolve of the communities in High Point and Bourke to make concrete changes and tackled this problem with grit and determination and ingenuity.
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10 people found this helpful
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Lyn
5.0 out of 5 stars Well-written and researched and up-to-date
Reviewed in the United States on August 26, 2019
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Although the author is Australian and some of her examples are from Australia, her research and explanations are universal. We've been needing an up-to-date, inclusive discussion of all aspects of family dysfunction. The way men are understood is especially welcome and needed. No sex or role is stereotyped, including children caught in the cross-fire. This book brings your understanding of these complex situations into the 21st century.
10 people found this helpful
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JMLOddity
5.0 out of 5 stars Required reading
Reviewed in the United States on January 7, 2021
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This book was amazing, by far the best I've read on the topic. It's incredibly comprehensive on the broad topic of domestic abuse. It covers the various patterns that arise in domestic abuse situations, legal factors, societal responses, pathological impact on victims and children, the potential sociological and psychological causes of why abusers do what they do, what can be done at a societal level and personal level to support survivors and address the behavior of abusers or potential abusers. It even goes into the messed-up history of where dismissive labels like "Stockholm syndrome" and "parental alienation syndrome" come from, as well a fascinating comparison of the attitudes towards domestic abuse of women in Indigenous cultures contrasted with colonialist European. I wasn't able to stop reading this book once I started it, and I sincerely reccomend it to anyone, from people dealing with this in their personal life (from any angle), to people who may work with this in their professional life, but also people who just have a general interest in the topic.
15 people found this helpful
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Amy Marie
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book on coercive control, easy to understand and hard to put down.
Reviewed in the United States on April 8, 2023
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I’ve read it 3 times so far, each time it has reinforced and increased my understanding and ability to use the information in my academic and job worlds. Highly recommend for anyone who is in, or knows someone in, or wants to prevent themselves or loved ones from being in a coercive relationship.
7 people found this helpful
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SuperPup
4.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic and eye-opening and thorough
Reviewed in the United States on February 14, 2021
Not only does it break down abuse into various sub-types, but it does an amazing job of analyzing the psychological underpinnings of what causes abuse. It does a great job of trying to make sense of a VERY complex psychological issue, where subtleties matter as much as the obvious.

I found the chapter on "shame" especially enlightening.

As a victim of emotional abuse, primarily caused by what I believe to be shameful feelings by my abuser, created by a previous life of abuse and judgement cast upon her by her upbringing and family, this really helped me 'put the pieces' together of how someone who loved me so greatly could turn around and subject me to such extreme attacks. I'd know she was hyper-vigilant, as am I from both our previous experiences as victims. I'd known a lot of things. But this book and the way it breaks down the psyche of an abuser, and the victim, really help more specifics fall into place.

And it was enlightening to me as well, in regard to my very vocal and loud defensive measures in response to that abusive behavior. It gave me a good place to begin more work on healing and self-betterment.

This book is almost totally written from the male = abuser viewpoint, which makes it harder for me to interpret, since I very often have to 'flip the genders' in my head while reading. That said, that perspective probably helped it ring true more easily regarding my own introspection in the matter.

One big thing I've learned in my journey toward healing is that I don't ever want to respond in the two ways I typically have in response to verbal and emotional abuse. I will no longer allow it, but nor will I scream and yell to fight it. I plan on finding truly solid footing so if it ever occurs again I can simply state my opinion calmly and then leave. I'll let the tantrum remain one-sided instead of joining in which only serves to add fuel to the fire and increase my own feelings of 'shame' for partaking or being so weak-willed as to feel some psychological need to argue. I want to be strong enough to NOT need to argue or defend myself. It seems to serve zero purpose in a fight. Words later, after emotions have subsided, will be easier and more readily accepted if I simply walk away.

I feel horrible for the women (or men) who seem to endure daily physical abuse and threats upon their safety. Just emotional / verbal abuse is soul-crushing enough.

this is a fantastic book, and one of the toughest things I've read in my journey to heal, because in a way it really cut to the core of my own issues that worsened things, even if I was the 'victim'.

Shocking and helpful.
11 people found this helpful
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Cara
5.0 out of 5 stars Everyone should read this book
Reviewed in the United States on May 15, 2022
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This book was truly amazing and I can’t recommend it enough. She does include some details in a few of the cases she covered though, so TW/CW for sexual assault and abuse on adults, children, and I believe there was mention of animal abuse as well.
However, it’s a very informative read. She also lays out the connection of domestic violence to not only patriarchy, but white supremacy and colonization. It’s very eye opening and fascinating
5 people found this helpful
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Kelly in MI
5.0 out of 5 stars Well researched. Topic needs more like this
Reviewed in the United States on June 14, 2021
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Really well researched. Fasinating, if depressing, read, with concrete ideas on what societies can do to help reduce domestic violence.
6 people found this helpful
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Brenda Mobley
5.0 out of 5 stars Important
Reviewed in the United States on April 28, 2021
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Domestic violence and homicide are not an easy subject. This book gives much clarity about what survivors experience and how communities can help. I found the chapters about Indigenous survivors and their communities to be especially valuable. Both Australia and North America are discussed. Once you start reading, you won’t be able to set it down.
9 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Guadalupe Olalde
1.0 out of 5 stars No vale la pena
Reviewed in Mexico on March 11, 2021
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Es un libro de 430 páginas sobre violencia doméstica. Si leemos el primer capítulo ya hemos leído todo el libro que no es más que una repetición de los conceptos que se mencionan al principio. Lamento haberlo comprado
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Everyone should read this book
Reviewed in Canada on December 13, 2020
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The author is professional and genuine, you can feel it since Page1. This book is not fun to read, it can be triggering depending on your life experience. But I believe it’s a good book for everyone, married or single, the reflect on ourselves, to understand our friends, or simply to heal.
2 people found this helpful
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gras
1.0 out of 5 stars disappointing writing
Reviewed in France on August 29, 2020
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Besides the print and quality of paper being poor, the writing is laborious. It is boring.
Certainly not a page turner. It tries very hard to illustrate the problems with the Australian Family Court
(a heinous institution) but offers no clear arguments either way. Too many "Not her real name" and "not his real name"
which only add to a distancing of these very real people. A note in the index or forward would suffice to explain that real names would not be used, which is a fairly obvious approach. Author states early on that she has no experience with domestic violence or sexual abuse herself, which is an unfortunately needless addition, but does illustrate her lack of empathy. Too much unconnected "awe" about facts that have been around for centuries. Nice that the book helped her mature. This book has had so much promo and careful extracts that when read in context of page filling are just plain boring. That pedophilia rings exist and have existed within the upper echelons of Australia's elite with complicit judges and expert Xs is a phenomenom that requires immediate exorcism. Not a royal commission. And not a plaintive heavily referenced boring thesis.
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U. R.
5.0 out of 5 stars If you're going to read one book about domestic abuse, read this one
Reviewed in Germany on August 23, 2020
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I'm in no way an expert on domestic abuse. I'm sure there are other great books about domestic abuse. But if you are looking to read one book, start with this one.
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Mum of 4
5.0 out of 5 stars An Excellent Book - Please Read It!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 4, 2019
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This is an excellent and very comprehensive research based book on domestic abuse, in all of it’s forms. It’s written in a style that makes it very readable, other than the fact that some of the stories told are harrowing and heartbreaking - that is however the reality of domestic abuse for some families. The author is based in Australia, however she also writes about the situation in other parts of the world, such as the USA, UK and South America. The author attempts to look at domestic abuse from every angle; the victim, the perpetrator, the legal aspect, the various theories of what causes domestic abuse along with what works to reduce it and what doesn’t etc
I hope that this book finds a wide audience. Personally I’m so glad that I read it - I have learned so much.
19 people found this helpful
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