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The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy Paperback – June 21, 2022
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'Invaluable' RACHEL KRAMER BUSSEL
'Refreshingly honest, comprehensive and realistic' MEG-JOHN BARKER
Embarking on a non-monogamous relationship can be a daunting experience, opening old wounds that cause anxiety, fear and confusion, something Lola Phoenix knows about all too well.
In this all-you-need-to-know guide to exploring non-monogamy, polyamory and open relationships, Lola draws upon their years of experience in giving advice and being non-monogamous to provide guidance for every stage of your journey, helping you to prioritise your mental health and well being along the way.
Beginning with advice on starting out - such as finding your anchor, figuring out your personal reasons for pursuing non-monogamy, challenging your fears and practicing self-compassion - the book proceeds to cover the emotional aspects of non-monogamous relationships, including dealing with jealousy and judgement, managing anxiety and maintaining independence, as well as practical elements such as scheduling your time, negotiating boundaries and managing your expectations, all accompanied with activities for further exploration.
Whether you are new to non-monogamy, or have been non-monogamous for years, this insightful and empowering book will provide you with the emotional tools you will need to live a happy non-monogamous life.
- Print length208 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- Publication dateJune 21, 2022
- Dimensions5.43 x 0.52 x 8.5 inches
- ISBN-101839972130
- ISBN-13978-1839972133
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Review
The Anxious Person's Guide to Non-Monogamy is a refreshingly inclusive and trauma-informed guide to polyamory. The advice is practical, honest, and engaging. Lola addresses common issues in polyamory with their unique perspective, accurate analogies, and well-rounded thought exercises. Overall, this book is an excellent addition to the body of polyamorous literature and will serve as a useful guide for both new and seasoned non-monogamists.--Leanne Yau, non-monogamy educator and advocate
Lola Phoenix uses their longtime expertise in the field of non-monogamy to guide those at all levels through common questions, issues and feelings. This wide-ranging, welcoming and inclusive guide is perfect for anyone thinking about stepping outside of monogamy, and invites readers to fully explore their own relationships, desires and mental health on an ongoing basis. Phoenix offers practical tips around anxiety that readers will find invaluable.--Rachel Kramer Bussel, author, Sex & Cupcakes: A Juicy Collection of Essays, and editor, The Big Book of Orgasms
Lola Phoenix guides those living in or curious about ethical non-monogamy in their signature no-bullshit, practical guide to polyamory. A refreshing perspective that incorporates self-reflection, personal growth with partners and an emphasis on mental health - healthy caveats when it comes to navigating all relationships, whether polyamorous or not.--Jenny Yuen, author of Polyamorous: Living and Loving More
A refreshingly honest, comprehensive and realistic guide to navigating non-monogamous relationships of all kinds. Packed with nuance, helpful advice, and self-reflections, this is a gem for new and experienced folk alike, especially those of us living at the intersections of disability, oppression and/or trauma.--Meg-John Barker, author of How to Understand Your Sexuality
Book Description
About the Author
Product details
- Publisher : Jessica Kingsley Publishers (June 21, 2022)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 208 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1839972130
- ISBN-13 : 978-1839972133
- Item Weight : 7.8 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.43 x 0.52 x 8.5 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #41,865 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #32 in Sociology of Marriage & Family (Books)
- #59 in General Sexual Health
- #95 in Sex & Sexuality
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
Lola Phoenix is an American born writer living in Stockholm, working within digital marketing while trying to find an agent to represent their science fiction work. They have recently published The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy with Jessica Kingsley Publishers and have a small novella on Kindle available called Checkmate (though they edited it themselves and they confess editing is not their strong suit).
Before living in Stockholm, Lola spent 12 years living in London and working as a LGBTQ youth worker and volunteering for various LGBTQ charities and causes. And before that they grew up in multiple states in the United States, and was the first person in their family to attend university. Lola also produces a weekly advice column and podcast called Non-Monogamy Help.
You can find Lola on their website nonmonogamyhelp.com, on Twitter @NonMonogamyHelp, and on Instagram @NonMonogamyHelp.
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- The worksheets can help you discover how you feel about various polyamory related practices and put those feelings into words.
- The disabled/mental illness/trauma-related content is nice to see. I particularly found the discussion of how these relate to self-doubt in polyamory helpful.
The bad:
- The writing style is difficult to parse.
- Terms (such as "relationship anarchy") are used without being clearly defined for much of the book.
- The objections the author has to certain attitudes and practices within the polyamory community took up too much of the book. In addition to being repetitive, this content was simply irrelevant to me.
Overall, I'd recommend checking out other books on the subject unless you are specifically looking for the experience of someone who has experienced abuse, mental illness, and disability.