Hinds' Feet on High Places

Living Books

Chapter One

Invitation
to the
High
Places

This is the story of how Much-Afraid escapedfrom her Fearing relatives and wentwith the Shepherd to the High Places where"perfect love casteth out fear."

For several years Much-Afraid had beenin the service of the Chief Shepherd, whosegreat flocks were pastured down in the Valleyof Humiliation. She lived with herfriends and fellow workers Mercy andPeace in a tranquil little white cottage in thevillage of Much-Trembling. She loved herwork and desired intensely to please theChief Shepherd, but happy as she was inmost ways, she was conscious of severalthings which hindered her in her work andcaused her much secret distress and shame.

In the first place she was a cripple, withfeet so crooked that they often caused herto limp and stumble as she went about herwork. She had also the very unsightlyblemish of a crooked mouth which greatlydisfigured both expression and speechand was sadly conscious that these uglyblemishes must be a cause of astonishmentand offense to many who knew that she wasin the service of the great Shepherd.

Most earnestly she longed to be completelydelivered from these shortcomingsand to be made beautiful, gracious, andstrong as were so many of the Shepherd'sother workers, and above all to be made likethe Chief Shepherd himself. But she fearedthat there could be no deliverance fromthese two crippling disfigurements and thatthey must continue to mar her service always.

There was, however, another and evengreater trouble in her life She was amember of the Family of Fearings, and herrelatives were scattered all over the valley,so that she could never really escape fromthem. An orphan, she had been brought upin the home of her aunt, poor Mrs. DismalForebodings, with her two cousins Gloomyand Spiteful and their brother Craven Fear,a great bully who habitually tormented andpersecuted her in a really dreadful way.

Like most of the other families who livedin the Valley of Humiliation, all the Fearingshated the Chief Shepherd and tried toboycott his servants, and naturally it was agreat offense to them that one of their ownfamily should have entered his service.Consequently they did all they could bothby threats and persuasions to get her out ofhis employment, and one dreadful day theylaid before her the family dictum that shemust immediately marry her cousin CravenFear and settle down respectably among herown people. If she refused to do this of herown free will, they threatened to use forceand compel her.

Poor Much-Afraid was, of course, overwhelmedwith horror at the mere idea, buther relatives always terrified her, and shehad never learned to resist or ignore theirthreats, so she simply sat cowering beforethem, repeating again and again that nothingwould induce her to marry Craven Fear,but she was quite unable to escape fromtheir presence.

The unhappy interview therefore lasted along time, and when finally they did leaveher for awhile, it was already early evening.With a surge of relief, Much-Afraid rememberedthat the Chief Shepherd wouldthen be leading his flocks to their accustomedwatering place beside a lovely cascadeand pool on the outskirts of the village.To this place she was in the habit of goingvery early every morning to meet him andlearn his wishes and commands for the day,and again in the evenings to give her reporton the day's work. It was now time to meethim there beside the pool, and she felt surehe would help her and not permit her relativesto kidnap her and force her to leave hisservice for the dreadful slavery of marriagewith Craven Fear.

Still shaking with fear and without pausingto wash the tears from her face, Much-Afraidshut the door of the cottage andstarted off for the cascade and the pool.

The quiet evening light was filling theValley of Humiliation with a golden glow asshe left the village and started to cross thefields. Beyond the river, the mountainswhich bounded the eastern side of the Valleylike towering ramparts were alreadytinged with pink, and their deep gorgeswere filled with lovely and mysteriousshadows.

Through the quiet and peace of thistranquil evening, poor, terrified Much-Afraidcame to the pool where theShepherd was waiting for her and told himof her dreadful plight.

"What shall I do?" she cried as she endedthe recital. "How can I escape? They can'treally force me to marry my cousin Craven,can they? Oh!" cried she, overwhelmedagain at the very thought of such a prospect,"it is dreadful enough to be Much-Afraid,but to think of having to be Mrs.Craven Fear for the rest of my life andnever able to escape from the torment of itis more than I can bear."

"Don't be afraid," said the Shepherdgently. "You are in my service, and if youwill trust me they will not be able to forceyou against your will into any family alliance.But you ought never to have let yourFearing relatives into your cottage, becausethey are enemies of the King who has takenyou into his employment."

"I know, oh, I know," cried Much-Afraid,"but whenever I meet any of my relatives Iseem to lose all my strength and simplycannot resist them, no matter how I strive.As long as I live in the Valley I cannot escapemeeting them. They are everywhereand now that they are determined to get meinto their power again I shall never dareventure outside my cottage alone for fear ofbeing kidnapped."

As she spoke she lifted her eyes andlooked across the Valley and the river to thelovely sunset-lighted peaks of the mountains,then cried out in desperate longing,"Oh, if only I could escape from this Valleyof Humiliation altogether and go to theHigh Places, completely out of reach of allthe Fearings and my other relatives!"

No sooner were these words utteredwhen to her complete astonishment theShepherd answered, "I have waited a longtime to hear you make that suggestion,Much-Afraid. It would indeed be best foryou to leave the Valley for the High Places,and I will very willingly take you there myself.The lower slopes of those mountainson the other side of the river are the borderlandof my Father's Kingdom, the Realm ofLove. No Fears of any kind are able to livethere because `perfect love casteth out fearand everything that torments.'"

Much-Afraid stared at him in amazement."Go to the High Places," sheexclaimed, "and live there? Oh, if only Icould! For months past the longing hasnever left me. I think of it day and night,but it is not possible. I could never get there.I am too lame." She looked down at hermalformed feet as she spoke, and her eyesagain filled with tears and despair and self-pity."These mountains are so steep anddangerous. I have been told that only thehinds and the deer can move on themsafely."

"It is quite true that the way up to theHigh Places is both difficult and dangerous,"said the Shepherd. "It has to be, sothat nothing which is an enemy of Love canmake the ascent and invade the Kingdom.Nothing blemished or in any way imperfectis allowed there, and the inhabitants of theHigh Places do need `hinds' feet.' I havethem myself," he added with a smile, "andlike a young hart or a roebuck I can go leapingon the mountains and skipping on thehills with the greatest ease and pleasure.

"But, Much-Afraid, I could make yourslike hinds' feet also, and set you upon theHigh Places. You could serve me then muchmore fully and be out of reach of all yourenemies. I am delighted to hear that youhave been longing to go there, for, as I saidbefore, I have been waiting for you to makethat suggestion. Then,' he added, with an.other smile, "you would never have to meetCraven Fear again."

Much-Afraid stared at him in bewilderment."Make my feet like hinds' feet," sherepeated. "How is that possible? And whatwould the inhabitants of the Kingdom ofLove say to the presence of a wretched littlecripple with an ugly face and a twistedmouth, if nothing blemished and imperfectmay dwell there?"

"It is true," said the Shepherd. "that youwould have to be changed before you couldlive on the High Places, but if you are willingto go with me, I promise to help youdevelop hinds' feet. Up there on the mountains,as you get near the real High Places,the air is fresh and invigorating. Itstrengthens the whole body and there arestreams with wonderful healing properties,so that those who bathe in them find alltheir blemishes and disfigurements washedaway.

"But there is another thing I must tellyou. Not only would I have to make yourfeet like hinds' feet, but you would have toreceive another name, for it would be asimpossible for a Much-Afraid to enter theKingdom of Love as for any other memberof the Fearing family. Are you willing to bechanged completely, Much-Afraid, and tobe made like the new name which you willreceive if you become a citizen in the Kingdomof Love?"

She nodded her head and then said veryearnestly, "Yes, I am."

Again he smiled, but added gravely,"There is still one thing more, the most importantof all. No one is allowed to dwell inthe Kingdom of Love, unless they have theflower of Love already blooming in theirhearts. Has Love been planted in yourheart, Much-Afraid?"

As the Shepherd said this he looked ather very steadily and she realized that hiseyes were searching into the very depths ofher heart and knew all that was there farbetter than she did herself. She did not answerfor a long time, because she was notsure what to say, but she looked ratherflinchingly into the eyes which were gazingat her so penetratingly and became awarethat they had the power of reflecting whatthey looked upon.

She could thus really see her own heart ashe saw it, so after a long pause she answered,"I think that what is growing thereis a great longing to experience the joy ofnatural, human love and to learn to lovesupremely one person who will love me inreturn. But perhaps that desire, natural andright as it seems, is not the Love of whichyou are speaking?" She paused and thenadded honestly and almost tremblingly, "Isee the longing to be loved and admiredgrowing in my heart, Shepherd, but I don'tthink I see the kind of Love that you aretalking about, at least, nothing like the lovewhich I see in you."

"Then will you let me plant the seed oftrue Love there now?" asked the Shepherd."It will take you some time to develop hinds'feet and to climb to the High Places, and if Iput the seed in your heart now it will beready to bloom by the time you get there."

Much-Afraid shrank back. "I am afraid,"she said. "I have been told that if you reallylove someone you give that loved one thepower to hurt and pain you in a way nothingelse can."

"That is true," agreed the Shepherd. "Tolove does mean to put yourself into thepower of the loved one and to become veryvulnerable to pain, and you are veryMuch-Afraid of pain, are you not?"

She nodded miserably and then saidshamefacedly, "Yes, very much afraid of it."

"But it is so happy to love," said theShepherd quietly. "It is happy to love evenif you are not loved in return. There is paintoo, certainly, but Love does not think thatvery significant."

Much-Afraid thought suddenly that hehad the most patient eyes she had ever seen.At the same time there was something inthem that hurt her to the heart, though shecould not have said why, but she still shrankback in fear and said (bringing the wordsout very quickly because somehow she wasashamed to say them), "I would never dareto love unless I were sure of being loved inreturn. If I let you plant the seed of Love inmy heart will you give me the promise that Ishall be loved in return? I couldn't bear itotherwise."

The smile he turned on her then was thegentlest and kindest she had ever seen, yetonce again, and for the same indefinablereason as before, it cut her to the quick."Yes," he said, without hesitation, "I promiseyou, Much-Afraid, that when the plantof Love is ready to bloom in your heart andwhen you are ready to change your name,then you will be loved in return."

A thrill of joy went through her fromhead to foot. It seemed too wonderful to bebelieved, but the Shepherd himself wasmaking the promise, and of one thing shewas quite sure. He could not lie. "Pleaseplant Love in my heart now," she saidfaintly. Poor little soul, she was still Much-Afraideven when promised the greatestthing in the world.

The Shepherd put his hand in his bosom,drew something forth, and laid it in thepalm of his hand. Then he held his handout toward Much-Afraid. "Here is the seedof Love," he said.

She bent forward to look, then gave astartled little cry and drew back. There wasindeed a seed lying in the palm of his hand,but it was shaped exactly like a long,sharply-pointed thorn. Much-Afraid hadoften noticed that the Shepherd's handswere scarred and wounded, but now shesaw that the scar in the palm of the handheld out to her was the exact shape and sizeof the seed of Love lying beside it.

"The seed looks very sharp," she saidshrinkingly. "Won't it hurt if you put it intomy heart?"

He answered gently, "It is so sharp that itslips in very quickly. But, Much-Afraid, Ihave already warned you that Love andPain go together, for a time at least. If youwould know Love, you must know paintoo."

Much-Afraid looked at the thorn andshrank from it. Then she looked at theShepherd's face and repeated his words toherself. "When the seed of Love in yourheart is ready to bloom, you will be loved inreturn," and a strange new courage enteredinto her. She suddenly stepped forward,bared her heart, and said, "Please plant theseed here in my heart."

His face lit up with a glad smile and hesaid with a note of joy in his voice, "Now youwill be able to go with me to the High Placesand be a citizen in the Kingdom of myFather."

Then he pressed the thorn into her heartIt was true, just as he had said, it did cause apiercing pain, but it slipped in quickly andthen, suddenly, a sweetness she had neverfelt or imagined before tingled throughher. It was bittersweet, but the sweetnesswas the stronger. She thought of theShepherd's words, "It is so happy to love,"and her pale, sallow cheeks suddenlyglowed pink and her eyes shone. For a momentMuch-Afraid did not look afraid at all.The twisted mouth had relaxed into ahappy curve, and the shining eyes and pinkcheeks made her almost beautiful.

"Thank you, thank you," she cried, andknelt at the Shepherd's feet. "How goodyou are. How patient you are. There is noone in the whole world as good and kind asyou. I will go with you to the mountains. Iwill trust you to make my feet like hinds'feet, and to set me, even me, upon the HighPlaces."

"I am more glad even than you," said theShepherd, "and now you really act asthough you are going to change your namealready. But there is one thing more I musttell you. I shall take you to the foot of themountains myself, so that there will be nodanger from your enemies. After that, twospecial companions I have chosen will guideand help you on all the steep and difficultplaces while your feet are still lame andwhile you can only limp and go slowly.

"You will not see me all the time, Much-Afraid,for as I told you, I shall be leapingon the mountains and skipping on the hills,and you will not at first be able to accompanyme or keep up with me. That willcome later. However, you must rememberthat as soon as you reach the slopes of themountains there is a wonderful system ofcommunication from end to end of theKingdom of Love, and I shall be able tohear you whenever you speak to me.Whenever you call for help I promise tocome to you at once.

"At the foot of the mountains my two servantswhom I have chosen to be your guideswill be waiting for you. Remember, I havechosen them myself, with great care, as thetwo who are most able to help you and assistyou in developing hinds' feet. You will acceptthem with joy and allow them to beyour helpers, will you' not?"

"Oh, yes," she answered at once, smilingat him happily. "Of course I am quite certainthat you know best and that whateveryou choose is right." Then she added joyfully,"I feel as though I shall never beafraid again."

He looked very kindly at the little shepherdesswho had just received the seed ofLove into her heart and was preparing to gowith him to the High Places, but also withfull understanding. He knew her throughand through, in all the intricate labyrinth ofher lonely heart, better far than she knewherself. No one understood better than he,that growing into the likeness of a newname is a long process, but he did not saythis. He looked with a certain tender pityand compassion at the glowing cheeks andshining eyes which had so suddenly transformedthe appearance of plain littleMuch-Afraid.

Then he said, "Now you may go homeand make your preparations for leaving.You are not to take anything with you, onlyleave everything in order. Do not tell anyoneabout it, for a journey to the HighPlaces needs to be a secret matter. I cannotnow give you the exact time when we are tostart for the mountains, but it will be soon,and you must be ready to follow mewhenever I come to the cottage and call. Iwill give you a secret sign. I shall sing one ofthe Shepherd's songs as I pass the cottage,and it will contain a special message for you.When you hear it, come at once and followme to the trysting place."

Then, as the sun had already gone downin a blaze of red and gold, and the easternmountains were now veiled in misty mauveand grey, and the shadows were lengthening,he turned and led his flock away towardthe sheepfolds.

Much-Afraid turned her face homeward,her heart full of happiness and excitement,and still feeling as though she would neverbe frightened again. As she started backacross the fields she sang to herself one ofthe songs from an old book of songs whichthe Shepherds often used. Never beforehad it seemed to her so sweet, so applicable.

"The Song of Songs," the loveliest song,
The song of Love the King,
No joy on earth compares with his,
But seems a broken thing.
His Name as ointment is poured forth,
And all his lovers sing.

Draw me—I will run after thee,
Thou art my heart's one choice,
Oh, bring me to thy royal house,
To dwell there and rejoice.
There in thy presence, O my King,
To feast and hear thy voice.

Look not upon me with contempt,
Though soiled and marred I be,
The King found me—an outcast thing—
And set his love on me.
I shall be perfected by Love,
Made fair as day to see.

(Cant. 1:1-6)

She walked singing across the first field andwas halfway over the next when suddenlyshe saw Craven Fear himself coming towardher. Poor Much-Afraid: for a little while shehad completely forgotten the existence ofher dreadful relatives, and now here wasthe most dreaded and detested of them allslouching toward her. Her heart filled witha terrible panic. She looked right and left,but there was no hiding place anywhere,and besides it was all too obvious that he wasactually coming to meet her, for as soon ashe saw her he quickened his pace and in amoment or two was right beside her.

With a horror that sickened her veryheart she heard him say, "Well, here youare at last, little Cousin Much-Afraid. So weare to be married, eh, what do you think ofthat?" and he pinched her, presumably in aplayful manner, but viciously enough tomake her gasp and bite her lips to keep backa cry of pain.

She shrank away from him and shookwith terror and loathing. Unfortunately thiswas the worst thing she could have done,for it was always her obvious fear which encouragedhim to continue tormenting her.If only she could have ignored him, he soonwould have tired of teasing and of her companyand would have wandered off to lookfor other prey. In all her life, however,Much-Afraid had never been able to ignoreFear. Now it was absolutely beyond herpower to conceal the dread which she felt.

Her white face and terrified eyes immediatelyhad the effect of stimulating Craven'sdesire to bait her. Here she was, aloneand completely in his power. He caughthold of her, and poor Much-Afraid utteredone frenzied cry of terror and pain. At thatmoment Craven Fear loosed his grasp andcringed away.

The Shepherd had approached themunperceived and was standing beside them.One look at his stern face and flashing eyesand the stout Shepherd's cudgel grasped inhis strong, uplifted hand was more thanenough for the bully. Craven Fear slunkaway like a whipped cur, actually runningfrom the village instead of toward it, notknowing where he was going, urged by oneinstinct alone, to find a place of safety.

Much-Afraid burst into tears. Of courseshe ought to have known that Craven was acoward and that if only she had lifted hervoice and called for the Shepherd, he wouldhave fled at once. Now her dress was tornand disordered, and her arms bruised bythe bully's grip, yet that was the least part ofher distress. She was overwhelmed withshame that she had so quickly acted like herold name and nature, which she had hopedwas beginning to be changed already.

It seemed so impossible to ignore theFearings, still less to resist them. She did notdare look at the Shepherd, but had shedone so she would have seen with whatcompassion he was regarding her. She didnot realize that the Prince of Love is "ofvery tender compassions to them that areafraid." She supposed that, like everybodyelse, he was despising her for her silly fears,so she muttered a shamed "thank you."

Then, still without looking at him, shelimped painfully toward the village, weepingbitterly as she went and saying over andover again to herself, "What is the use ofeven thinking of going to the High Places? Icould never reach them, for the least littlething is enough to turn me back."

However, when at last she reached thesecurity of the cottage she began to feel better,and by the time she had drunk a cup oftea and taken her evening meal she had recoveredso far that she was able to remindherself of all that had happened there besidethe cascade and the pool Suddenly sheremembered, with a thrill of wonder anddelight, that the seed of Love had beenplanted in her heart. As she thought of it,the same almost intolerable sweetness stoleover her, the bittersweet, indefinable butwholly delightful ecstasy of a new happiness.

"It is happy to love," said little Much-Afraidto herself and then she repeated: "Itis happy to love." After putting the cottagein order for the night, because she was utterlytired out with all the conflicting emotionsof that strange day, she went to bed.Lying there before falling asleep, she sangover and over again to herself another ofthe lovely songs from the old song book.

O thou whom my soul loveth,
Tell me where thou dost feed,
And where thy flocks at noonday
To rest and browse dost lead.
For why should I
By others be,
And not by thee?

O fairest among women,
Dost thou indeed not know?
Then lead my little flocklet
The way that my flocks go;
And be to me,
As I to thee,
Sweet company.

(Cant. 1:7, 8)

Then she fell into a heavy, dreamlesssleep.



Continues...
Excerpted from Hinds' Feet on High Placesby Hannah Hurnard Copyright © 1979 by Hannah Hurnard. Excerpted by permission.
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