Once I started noticing some changes in behavior of my 12-year old daughter, I decided to get educated a bit before a big frustration hits me. I downloaded the first chapter of some 15 books focusing on the teenage/adolescence issues (thanks to Kindle concept - one can download the first chapter for free to get an idea what the book is all about - the bonus is that you have the table of contents, so you can get the style and the structure of the book upfront. I also read all the reviews on Amazon and I hope my review will be helpful for someone.
This particular book was the best of all - (1) well structured, (2) very informative, (3) with stories and lessons learned, (4) covering the whole array of sensitive/taboo topics sex, drugs, alcohol, etc., and (5) with the down-to-ground recommendations, which not only provide good guidance on what to do (engagement, communication, sincere conversations, corrective and peaceful punishment based on agreement/consequences, etc.), but also let you know what not to do (waking up teens very early in the morning, nagging, preaching, showing no interest in their lives and actually not spending some time with the kids, not forgetting about the challenges the teens face each day - puberty, changes in body shape, pimples.
I have read the book during some two weeks (even though I could've done it in a few hours) while commuting to work and back. And that helped a lot, as it you conceive the concepts and ideas slowly, almost making them your own - this is what I would advise to anyone - read it a couple of chapters at a time.
What can I say? This is the best book I've read on the topic. And when I see some helplessness in the eyes of the parents during the parent conferences, I advise to buy and read this book, and even one time I lent my Kindle to a friend to make him read the book. I'm originally from Ukraine where counseling in school has yet room for improvement and to help other parents I would just translate a designated chapter in Google translate online and even in that half-cooked version, parents were extremely happy to find some answers. Recently I moved to Austria and now my kids go to the Vienna International School. Excellent school, but the adolescence has nothing in common with good infrastructure. During the parents conferences there were some discussions about the alcohol, drugs, etc., and still I could see that no handouts or short presentations would give the full picture to the parents as all those issues like sex, alcohol, drugs, parties, anxiety, stress, puberty, etc., are very interrelated and one just cannot get the full picture based only on one topic. I realized it doesn't matter where you are, as a parent you are faced with the same problems especially given the globalization when iPhones, Internet and other fancy things are almost standard in every country; and the behavioral patterns are adopted from the movies and fashion movements.
So I often recommend this book as the main eye-opening resource for the parents at any time, whether their kids are 8, 10, 12 or already 16, no matter which country they are in. As the author maintains the adolescence starts some time at puberty and ends who knows when (could be 20s and could be even 30s - it's my own observation). And our assignment is to learn the implications and consequences as parents, as there are more challenges and social and economic pressure in modern life then as we had some 25 yrs ago. And the trick is that while the variables grow (more exposure to TV, Internet, online communities, clubs, bank loans, easier payment systems - one click purchase, dealers of pills in school, more business trips for parents as the companies save costs on staff, etc.), the fixed things remain the same (24h day, some 4 hrs left during the working week for yourself and family, constant or even shrinking cash flow, etc.). And the parents need some help in solving the problems and addressing the challenges effectively, without creating the bottle necks in communication and further problems, exacerbating the situation - "I'm the boss and you have to obey". This concept can be conveyed in a modern way much more politely and with respect based on fair attitude and agreement. Otherwise, as my son puts it when justifying his negative response to his sister's request to get the garbage out: "I agreed with the request to clean, but after seeing the aspect of her face and hearing that intonation in her voice, I just couldn't help saying NO. And I bet you wouldn't either.":) Now all are aware of mutual respect and we try to maintain the spirit, especially when I quote some stories from the book (kids love to hear about someone else being wrong - they start brainstorming and providing recommendations, which helps themselves in the end).
So, five stars at any time. If you look for a decent, structured and comprehensive insight into the adolescence issue, don't go further, this is it. Just read it from cover to cover (and certain chapters several times) and discuss it with your spouse. I ended up giving the book to my daughter when she started exaggerating and developed some anxiety (too big nose, bad skin, bad hair, etc.). I must say it helped a lot. She confessed that she read the book from cover to cover and understood what I was worrying about. She stopped doing some irrational things, though in some areas I had to give her some slack just to get bumps along the road and learn for herself (harmless things).
I should also mention, that this book requires that you as a parent develop new skills and behavioral patters (discussions, get togethers outside of the house - very helpful as it puts you on equal footing outside your usual environment - i.e. no hard feeling who's the boss for instance in the restaurant or cafeteria rather than at home when kids feel defensive). It also requires some mental work to absorb the concepts, etc. If you have patience to read and get along with the the user manual of a new TV or any electronics gadget, you'll be just fine with this book, otherwise it might seem too complicated with some scientific explanations, which I liked BTW. So it helps if you read it chapter by chapter.
Finally, I would summarize that if you want to be a responsible and loving parent, buy this book and learn it almost by heart - it would help you to parent with a proven concepts and guidelines that work. It gives you confidence because you know what can happen and actually what is being happening with your kid at a given moment. I.e. all kids get crazy at the "teen" age when you take them for a trip to another city, etc. because "it's much easier to watch TV at home, it's better to sleep longer, and then play with the friends outside, or just spend time alone with no parents". And knowing what happens before and after the trips, I always insist on joining the family and I try to arrange some entertainment along the way. I elucidate my kids what impressions they might have along the way - things to see, we discuss the route, I provide them some historical background, etc. And while the reaction is slow and ignorant at times, they always feel happy to be on the road and actually share their experiences with the friends with excitement. And because of the hormonal change, they tend to be sleepy all the time, so we take some extra pillows in the car to help them through, and I take it easy on the turns to keep them happy without throwing up - and they are thankful that we understand their challenges and are more responsive later on. This is one small example how I use some knowledge borrowed from the book; and in reality once you have the core knowledge, you just go ahead and adjust on the way as you deem necessary - improvise and take it easy. The main thing is that you get the information what is out there and how far even a lovely and peaceful child can go if left alone for him- or herself. And the ideas get absorbed even better when you hear other parents discussing their problems in school and then you'll know for sure that the book is a great source of information.
Having handled the routine with the small kids in their first 2 years of life, most parents feel the relief and when the kids turn, say, 12 or 14, things start to change. That happened to my family. And I must say, having gained the confidence with the knowledge this book gave us, we decided to have another kid, so now we have 16, 10 year old kids and a 6 month baby. We know we need to put some efforts and invest in our kids, and we are fine with it. And we are well informed, prepared and quite excited to cruise through the challenges in life with no fear. As they say: "With fear we expect, and with love we accept!".
And I wish you the same!
A happy parent,
Alexander
P.S. This is a true feedback and not the made up stuff one can meet online quite often. I rarely leave some feedback as it takes time, but after some 4 years I received a request from Amazon to leave a feedback, and here you go - I believe this book is worth it. So, I pulled some thoughts out of my memory and this is just a tiny bit I have on the tip of my head. Enjoy if you decide to get the book and get it rather sooner than later (when your kids turn 10-12 is the best time).
Enjoy fast, free delivery, exclusive deals, and award-winning movies & TV shows with Prime
Try Prime
and start saving today with fast, free delivery
Loading your book clubs
There was a problem loading your book clubs. Please try again.
Not in a club? Learn more
Join or create book clubs
Choose books together
Track your books
Bring your club to Amazon Book Clubs, start a new book club and invite your friends to join, or find a club that’s right for you for free.
Download the free Kindle app and start reading Kindle books instantly on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.
Read instantly on your browser with Kindle for Web.
Using your mobile phone camera - scan the code below and download the Kindle app.
Something went wrong. Please try your request again later.
Book recommendations, author interviews, editors' picks, and more. Read it now.
Frequently bought together
$10.69
Get it as soon as Tuesday, May 14
In Stock
Total price:
To see our price, add these items to your cart.
Choose items to buy together.
Similar items that may deliver to you quickly
Page 1 of 1 Start overPage 1 of 1
About the author
Follow authors to get new release updates, plus improved recommendations.
Top reviews from other countries
Maria
The best book to understand your teenager
Reviewed in Mexico on April 27, 2018
Forestweaver
Amazing book, really helped me with my teenage son ...
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 15, 2017