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Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way: A Novel Kindle Edition
What you're reading right now is known as the "cover copy," or “flap copy.” This is where the 84,951 words of my latest book are cooked down to 350 words or less to capture your imagination/download.
I pondered how to do that. Should I cut to the chase and reveal pivotal plot points like the one at the end of the book where the little girl on crutches points an accusing finger and shouts, "the killer is Mr. Porter"?
No. I have too much respect for you as an intelligent consumer to attempt such an obvious ruse.
But let's not play games here. You clicked your way to this page, so you either:
A. Know who I am.
B. Like the cool smoking jacket I'm wearing on the cover.
Or:
C. Thought this was a secret link to Ashley Madison.
Is it a sequel to my autobiography If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor? Sadly, no, which made it much harder to write.
Is it an "autobiographical novel"? Yes. I am the lead character in the story (coincidentally an actor), and I am a real person, and everything in the book actually happened - except for the stuff that didn't.
The action revolves around my preparations for a pivotal role in the A-list relationship film, Let's Make Love!
My Homeric attempt to break through the glass ceiling of B-grade genre fair is hampered by a vengeful studio executive and a production that becomes infected by something called the "B-movie virus" - symptoms of which include excessive use of cheesy special effects, slapstick, and projectile vomiting.
From a violent fistfight with a Buddhist to a life-altering stint in federal prison, this novel has it all.
And if the 84,951 words are too time-consuming, there are lots and lots of cool graphics – all of which have been upgraded to vibrant color since the first publication.
I hope you enjoy the book – and if you learn anything at all about making love, please share it with me!
Regards,
Bruce "Go Ahead and Call Me Ash" Campbell
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherThomas Dunne Books
- Publication dateOctober 1, 2015
- File size47107 KB
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Editorial Reviews
From Publishers Weekly
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
From the Inside Flap
I have too much respect for you as an attention-deficient consumer to attempt such an obvious ruse. But let s not play games here. You ve already picked up the book, so you either:
A. Know who I am
B. Like the cool smoking jacket I m wearing on the cover
C. Have just discovered that the bookstore restroom is out of toilet paper
Is this a relationship book? Well, if by relationship book you mean that the characters in it have relationships or are related to someone, then yes, absolutely. Will you learn how to pick up chicks? Good heavens, I can only hope so, though for best results in that department you should both read this book and be Brad Pitt.
Is it a sequel to my autobiography, If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor? Sadly, no, which made it much harder to write. According to my publisher, I haven't done enough since 2001 to warrant another memoir.
Is it an autobiographical novel ? Yes. I'm the lead character in the story and I'm a real person and everything in the book actually happened, except for all the stuff that didn t.
Mostly, the action revolves around my preparations for a pivotal role in director Mike Nichols s A-list relationship film Let's Make Love!, starring Richard Gere, Renée Zellweger, and Christopher Plummer. This is the kind of break most actors can only dream of. But my Homeric attempt to break through the glass ceiling of B-grade genre fare is hampered by a vengeful studio executive and a production that becomes infected by something called the B movie virus, symptoms of which include excessive use of cheesy special effects, slapstick, and projectile vomiting.
When someone fingers me as the guy responsible for the virus, thus ruining my good standing in the entertainment industry (hey, I said it was fiction, okay?), I become a fugitive racing against the clock, an innocent patsy battling the shadowy forces of the studio system to clear my name, save my career, and destroy the Death Star. In a jaw-dropping twist worthy of Hitchcock (page 274), you'll gasp as I turn the tables on Hollywood and attempt to salvage my reputation in a town where you re only as good as your last remake.
From a violent fistfight with a Buddhist to a life-altering stint in federal prison, this novel has it all. If you like John Grisham, Tom Clancy, or one too many run-on sentences, you'll absolutely love Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way. And if the 72,444 words are too time-consuming, there are lots and lots of cool graphics.
Regards,
Bruce Don't Call Me Ash Campbell
~
Bruce Campbell's first book, If Chins Could Kill, was a major sleeper hit
and became a New York Times and national bestseller. His immense energy and
sharp wit are in evidence again in Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way, a novel that will
have readers laughing out loud.
|
What you're reading right now is known as the flap copy. This is where the 72,444 words of my latest book,Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way, are cooked down to fit in a 3 ½-by-9 ½-inch column. But how does one do that with a fictional story about a B movie actor s disastrous attempt to finally star in a big-budget Hollywood movie? Do you tantalize readers with snappy zingers like the one in chapter six where Biff the Wonder Boy says, You may be bred in ol Kentucky, but you're only a crumb up here ? Or do you reveal pivotal plot points like the one at the end of the book where the little girl on crutches points an accusing finger and shouts, The killer is Mr. Potter!
I have too much respect for you as an attention-deficient consumer to attempt such an obvious ruse. But let s not play games here. You ve already picked up the book, so you either:
A. Know who I am
B. Like the cool smoking jacket I m wearing on the cover
C. Have just discovered that the bookstore restroom is out of toilet paper
Is this a relationship book? Well, if by relationship book you mean that the characters in it have relationships or are related to someone, then yes, absolutely. Will you learn how to pick up chicks? Good heavens, I can only hope so, though for best results in that department you should both read this book and be Brad Pitt.
Is it a sequel to my autobiography, If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor? Sadly, no, which made it much harder to write. According to my publisher, I haven't done enough since 2001 to warrant another memoir.
Is it an autobiographical novel ? Yes. I'm the lead character in the story and I'm a real person and everything in the book actually happened, except for all the stuff that didn t.
Mostly, the action revolves around my preparations for a pivotal role in director Mike Nichols s A-list relationship filmLet's Make Love!, starring Richard Gere, Renée Zellweger, and Christopher Plummer. This is the kind of break most actors can only dream of. But my Homeric attempt to break through the glass ceiling of B-grade genre fare is hampered by a vengeful studio executive and a production that becomes infected by something called the B movie virus, symptoms of which include excessive use of cheesy special effects, slapstick, and projectile vomiting.
When someone fingers me as the guy responsible for the virus, thus ruining my good standing in the entertainment industry (hey, I said it was fiction, okay?), I become a fugitive racing against the clock, an innocent patsy battling the shadowy forces of the studio system to clear my name, save my career, and destroy the Death Star. In a jaw-dropping twist worthy of Hitchcock (page 274), you'll gasp as I turn the tables on Hollywood and attempt to salvage my reputation in a town where you re only as good as your last remake.
From a violent fistfight with a Buddhist to a life-altering stint in federal prison, this novel has it all. If you like John Grisham, Tom Clancy, or one too many run-on sentences, you'll absolutely loveMake Love the Bruce Campbell Way. And if the 72,444 words are too time-consuming, there are lots and lots of cool graphics.
Regards,
Bruce Don't Call Me Ash Campbell
~
Bruce Campbell's first book, If Chins Could Kill, was a major sleeper hit
and became a New York Times and national bestseller. His immense energy and
sharp wit are in evidence again in Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way, a novel that will
have readers laughing out loud.
About the Author
Bruce Campbell is the ultimate “B” actor with an ever-growing fan base. In addition to starring in the huge cult hit Evil Dead series and a series of independent genre films, he has had featured roles in the film Bubba Ho-Tep, the Spider-man movies, the blockbuster Congo, the award-winning independent crime drama Running Time, and Paramount’s romantic comedy Serving Sara.
Bruce has also done a lot of television work, including appearances in Disney’s TV movies Gold Rush and their update of The Love Bug, and has also starred in the highly touted Fox series The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. Bruce then appeared as a recurring guest star on the hit shows Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman, Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Xena: Warrior Princess, Ellen, and Showtime’s edgy TV industry comedy Beggars and Choosers.
Bruce Campbell is also the author of the bestselling books If Chins Could Kill and Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Make Love!—The Bruce Campbell Way
By Bruce CampbellSt. Martin's Press
Copyright © 2006 Bruce CampbellAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-312-31261-9
Contents
1 Let's Make Love!,2 Doorman for a Day,
3 Sometimes a Great Notion,
4 Mind the Gap,
5 An Idiot and a Gentleman,
6 Dr. Schtup, I Presume,
7 Mike Mounts His Movie,
8 The Gentlemen's Club,
9 Dillinger's Dick,
10 A Dash of Dash,
11 Dial "M" for Marriage,
12 A Fitting We Will Go,
13 Midlife Miasma,
14 Testing, Testing, One, Two, Three ...,
15 Seven Brides for Seven Husbands,
16 Lights, Camera, Mayhem!,
17 Last Supper,
18 Dailies from Hell,
19 Bad Day at Black Rock —The Sequel,
20 Quest for Liar,
21 Belly of the Beast,
22 Run, Bruce, Run!,
23 Aftermath,
24 Bruce Man of Alcatraz,
25 Love Springs Eternal,
CHAPTER 1
Let's Make Love!
I read the e-mail out loud and wrinkled my nose when I got to the "another book of this type" part. "What kind of horseshit is that?" I wondered aloud.
I dialed Barry's office in New York, stabbing at the numbers on my phone.
Pat, Barry's loyal secretary, answered: "Barry Neville's office."
"Pat, how the heck are you? This is Bruce Campbell."
"Oh, hello, Bruce, I'll see if Barry is in."
That's one of my favorite phrases in the "get past the secretary" game: "I'll see if he's in." Pat knew whether Barry was in or not — he was only twelve feet away in his ten-by-ten cubicle. I was expecting to hear "he just slipped out," or maybe "he's tied up in a conference call," but suddenly, she jumped back on the line.
"I'll put you right through, Bruce."
Getting an editor on the line first try made me instantly suspicious — that meant Barry had either good news ...or the opposite.
"Hello, Bruce," Barry said, sounding reasonably happy to hear from me.
I decided to get right into it. Okay, so you don't want to do the book."
"Well, no," Barry replied. "We kicked it around, but we couldn't make it work."
"I understand that, but what's with 'another book of this type'? You told me that travel books were hot stuff."
"That's true, but I said they could be — if they were done right."
"And what's so wrong with Walk This Way?"
"Honestly?"
"I guess, yeah."
"This book made me feel like I was walking."
"Good. You felt in the moment — what's wrong with that?"
"I'm referring to the pace," Barry clarified. "It made me tired."
"Oh."
"And how many suburban walks can a person take? I know you were filming on location a lot, but I'm not so sure a book about the routes you took to keep from being bored would be a big seller. Call me crazy."
"Okay, you're crazy."
"Look, Bruce, I hope I am. As your friend, I hope you go and sell a million copies. We've been wrong before. But look, this doesn't have to end here. I want to pitch a book to you. I think you're a great match for the material."
"What is it?"
"A relationship book."
The intensity of my laugh startled Barry, but he pressed on.
"I'm serious. I can get that book approved," he assured me.
"Well, yeah, but, wow, that's a whole new deal."
"Relationship books are huge. If you win with one of these, you win big."
"I dunno," I hemmed. "I'd have to think about that and call you back — I'd have to see if I could get my head around it."
"Okay, sure, I understand. Take your time. The offer stands."
As I hung up, I pitied Barry. Poor bastard. My editor still remembered me from the TV show The Adventures of Brisco County Jr., where I successfully managed a new girlfriend almost every week. He couldn't shake the images of my character Ash from the film Army of Darkness, where I coolly manhandle my leading lady with lines like, "Gimme some sugar, baby."
He'd seen me up close and personal with some damn sexy women, the likes of Vanessa Angel, Alyssa Milano, and Elizabeth Hurley, so in the world according to Barry, I was the living embodiment of a chick magnet — the perfect choice to write a relationship book. Barry is a nice guy, but he's also a fool. What he fails to realize is that the Bruce Campbell who romanced his way through a succession of beautiful leading women bears no resemblance to the Bruce Campbell who forgets anniversaries and hoards Victoria's Secret catalogs. In the real world, none of what he sees on the silver screen relates to me, the actor — or any actor, for that matter.
Let me walk you through a few of the key differences. For starters, love scenes are never the result of an actor's romantic prowess, or insistence. These are obligatory elements of any cinematic romance story, and actors in leading roles are often confronted with them. In reality, shooting a love scene is about as exciting as groping my sister — and thankfully, I don't have one.
Actors don't make up all that clever dialogue. I'll throw in a quip or two, sure, but I'm mainly hired to say words that are written for me. And when it comes to scenes about relationships, I'm happy to have the help of a clever writer who is, at the end of the day, manipulating a given situation into how it could play out, not necessarily how it would.
As an actor, I don't have any say in how the relationship will go, or even who my romantic partner will be. The writer has determined my on-screen fate far in advance — and that's a really scary thought, because the only people who have worse relationships than actors are writers, because they spend most of their time alone, never talking to anyone, staring at a computer screen.
Hollywood is successful at portraying relationships because it manages to bring our fantasies to life; it presents a "what if world in which we can lose ourselves for a few hours. In movies, when it comes to men and women, everything happens at the speed of light. Couples fall in love at first glance. Later, during sex (which happens on the first date), men get instant erections and can make love for hours. Women achieve orgasm in record time, some going for three in a row. The sex will always be good, and it must always be in some imaginative place, like a freight elevator or a nuclear submarine. Poor Barry, I can see why he was so confused — like all of us, he had been brainwashed for years.
Aside from all that, what the hell does a guy who lost his virginity at age twenty-three know about the opposite sex? Jack shit, that's what. When it comes to women, I don't know my ass from a hole in the ground. I learned about sex through the mass marketing of the early 1960s, when Fred Flintstone was doing cigarette ads and products like Space Food sticks, Tang, and leaded gasoline were the order of the day. Sex back then meant sleeping in separate beds, closed mouth kissing, wearing PJs to bed (even adults), and no sex before marriage. No wonder I had such a bogus view of the world.
As my "female awareness" sprang to life in the late sixties, the sexy babes on television at that time were Anita Bryant, a conservative singer selling orange juice; Julie Newmar, who played Cat Woman in the TV show Batman; and Marta Kristen, the teenage daughter on Lost in Space. I didn't know right from left, but I can tell you this: it wasn't the intricate plots, or the acting that held my attention, it was the way these foxy women filled out their skin-tight costumes week after week.
Women didn't seem like people who had sex; they just wore lots of makeup and smelled funny. Sears catalogues, and later my dad's Playboys, helped straighten a few things out, but there were more questions than answers.
Motion pictures often wind up being an early, vital source of insight into the sexual dynamics between men and women. The problem was, I couldn't get into any movie that might have been of use to me (the cursed M rating, for Mature Audiences Only) so my model for intergender relationships came primarily from John Wayne westerns between 1962 and 1973. My mother was a huge western fan, and since my father couldn't have cared less, she'd drag me along instead.
Given my prolonged exposure to the bizarre, archetypal behavior of cowboys, I shouldn't have been surprised by an incident on the playground when I was nine. I "rescued" a girl who was being harassed by a bully (a cattle rustler, as I saw it) by socking him once in the jaw (that's all Duke ever needed) and down he went. I grabbed the girl (the feed store owner's daughter, Sue), whipped her around, and kissed her but good — closed mouthed, because we did such things proper then. To my shock and horror, Sally Sue Jenkins slapped me across the face.
"Get out of here, you weirdo. My brother was just trying to give me lunch money...."
"Sorry, ma'am," I said, nodding. "Didn't mean to cause no fuss."
Dating? I was too busy making amateur films in high school to take advantage of those prime years. Relationships? That's a good one. The "relationships" in my civilian life can be counted on one hand, minus the use of my thumb. Don't come knocking here, brother, I married the first woman who ever came on to me. The weight of hypocrisy would be too much to bear if I wrote a book about a subject on which I was essentially retarded.
The phone rang.
"Hello."
"Hi, it's Barry."
"Dude, c'mon, I don't have an answer for you yet."
"What are you talking about? I haven't called you in a month."
"Who is this?" I asked.
"This is the other Barry. Your acting agent."
"Oh, that Barry. Hi, what's up?"
"I have a possible gig for you."
"Let me guess — something for the Sci-Fi Channel?"
"No."
"A convention in Butt Crack, Kansas?"
"Nope," Barry said with a smile in his voice. "A romantic comedy."
"Get out of town."
"It's a green-lit, A-list romantic comedy starring Richard Gere, Renée Zellweger, produced by Robert Evans, directed by Mike Nichols — shooting in New York in the fall."
"Don't mess with me, Barry. I'm going through some shit right now."
"Bruce, I'm not that kind of a guy," he assured me.
"So, I would play the what, chauffeur? Bus boy?"
"The wise-cracking doorman — he's like the comic muse to Gere. It's the best role in the film. He tells jokes, he gives advice on relationships. You get the idea."
"What's it called?"
"Let's Make Love!"
It sounded good — too good, as they say. "Do I have to audition?"
"Well, yes, unfortunately. I sent them your demo reel, but they still need you to read in New York. But as a little FYI, Mike asked for you specifically."
"Bullshit," I shot back immediately. "Mike Nichols doesn't even know I exist, and his casting people sure as hell don't."
"Hey, don't shoot the messenger, Bruce. I'm just passing the information along so you can make an informed decision."
I sighed loudly. "Barry, you know how much I hate auditions. In twenty-five years I've gotten exactly three acting jobs from auditioning, and I must have had, what, a hundred of them?"
"Two hundred and nine," Barry corrected.
"You keep track of things like that?" I asked, incredulous.
"Yeah, the head of the agency likes charts and graphs."
"What a dismal record."
"That aside, this is a great opportunity, Bruce. Movies don't get any bigger, or better than this."
I glanced in my Frequent Flyer file — America West was looking good for a free ticket. "What the hell ... set it up."
I hung up and stared at the phone. This would be a worthless cause, but at least it was a chance to meet Mike Nichols, a truly big shot director.
* * *
New York City in May was beautiful — trees were starting to bloom, the sky was a freshly laundered blue, and aside from the stench of decomposing trash, I felt positively invigorated. I walked with a spring in my step all the way up West 26th Street, to an old brownstone where Mike Nichols keeps his office.
The first thing an actor does at an audition is sign in. I always take my time with the sign-in sheet, because it's a chance to see the competition. The list tells me who else is or was there, what time, for what role, and who represents them.
The sign-in list for Let's Make Love! made my jaw drop: Bill Campbell, for starters, a namesake nemesis if there ever was one, Ben Affleck, Adam Sandler, John Turturro, Liam Neeson, Chevy Chase, and on, and on.
Everyone on the goddamn planet is auditioning for this role. What am I doing here?
I scanned the room and my hopes were further dashed: Gary Sinise was sitting next to John Malkovich, who was telling a bawdy joke to John Cusack, who was trying to study his lines.
I was seriously considering feigning a strange illness and making an early departure, when I became drawn into what I feared most at auditions: a conversation.
"So, we meet again."
The husky voice belonged to tough-guy actor Robert Patrick, who stiffed me out of an X-Files role.
"Yeah, I guess so," I said. "You won the last round."
Robert smiled confidently. "I did, didn't I? Good gig, that X-Files."
"Yeah, but long hours, I'm sure," I managed, trying to make it sound like I didn't want the part anyway.
"The pain goes away on payday," he said, smiling. "Hey, you been working much?"
The issue of employment is always an Achilles heel for an actor who hasn't worked in a long time, and Robert wasted no time in going for it.
"Well, not really," I admitted.
Robert raised his eyebrows and whistled silently to himself — the "Oh, I see" expression.
"I was writing for a while," I tried to clarify. "So, then I did a couple conventions, and then...." I stopped myself before it got embarrassing. There wasn't anything to brag about in the conventional sense. I knew it, and now he knew it too.
"Hell, I wish I had your problem sometimes," Robert said, possibly trying to make me feel better. "I can barely get back to my Montana ranch, I work so much. I may have to sell it and move to the Palisades."
I smiled and excused myself, feeling a sudden need to use the bathroom. During tense audition situations, the only sanctuary is the men's toilet. Under the right conditions, I can kill an hour or more, reading stall graffiti and making sure my hair is just right. It's a great place to gather yourself, get centered, and have one last frantic look at your lines.
Once inside the tile-and-porcelain sanctuary, I gave myself a pep talk. Okay, chump, you're here, get over it. Do your thing and move on. Enjoy the moment.
As I stepped back into the waiting room full of famous actors, my name was being called.
Go time.
I followed the secretary down a long hallway and wiped the sweat from the palm of my clammy right hand one last time.
I entered the room and couldn't help but gasp. Richard Gere was there, smiling and shaking hands with an exiting Johnny Depp. As Johnny passed, he winked. "Hey man, have fun."
Have a coronary, that's what I'll have.
The secretary introduced me to Mike Nichols, a very serene man with a wicked handshake.
"Damn nice to meet you, Bruce. Been a big fan for a long time. Hey, nice turn in Icebreaker—convincing stuff."
He didn't actually see that piece of shit, did he? "Well, there's one folks don't usually mention," I said, incredulous.
"Oh, the indies are my favorite," he said, nodding. "That's all I watch, really. It's where the new ideas are."
"From your lips to God's ears, Mike."
Mike gestured to a lit area across the room. "Why don't you go on over there, Bruce, and we'll have a go at this."
"Okay, sure."
"Have you met Richard?" Mike asked, nonchalant.
I turned to see Richard Gere offering his hand, and smiling.
"Hi, Bruce, loved your stuff on Xena."
I stammered a response, losing my train of thought.
"Any questions?" Mike asked.
"Yeah, actually. How 'Southern' should the guy be?"
Mike shrugged. "Why don't we just have a look at one?"
I shrugged too, having only asked the question so I wouldn't appear as terrified as I was. My Southern accent was merely passable anyway, so it was an irrelevant exchange.
"Let's do the first scene," Mike said, nodding to the video technician, who began taping.
I had prepared two scenes for the audition. This first one was snappy, back-and-forth patter between the lead character, Harry Grayson, and the doorman, Foyl Whipple. The second scene — only done if asked — was an eloquent speech from Foyl, to Harry, about true love.
The first scene began like this:
[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]
The group around Mike Nichols chuckled politely, and the scene was over. There is always an awkward moment between reading the first scene and the second scene. But before I could even get anxious about it, Mike stood up.
"Thanks, Bruce. Thanks for coming in. I think we've seen all we need to."
The words were: "Thanks for coming in. I think we've seen all we need to." The meaning was: "Thanks for wasting our time, Bruce, I think that's all we can stand."
Richard Gere offered his hand again. "That was fun, Bruce."
"That was fun": actor-speak for "that sucked ass."
Symbolism was everywhere. Richard's sincere handshake was the kind you give to someone after a death in the family. Something was dead all right — my ability to audition. Barry can now raise the "failed auditions" tally to 210. Knowing not to linger after a mediocre offering, I thanked my way out of the room and grabbed the elevator straight down.
Outside, I walked aimlessly down the street, repeating the words of the first scene verbatim, nailing the delivery each time. Actors are always at their very best on the way home.
Oh, well, I thought. At least I tried.
During the multiple flights home, I was comforted by thoughts of the long fun summer ahead — river rafting, hiking, and all-around fun in the Oregon sun. The previous winter had been a wet one, and that usually resulted in a kick-ass summer.
(Continues...)Excerpted from Make Love!—The Bruce Campbell Way by Bruce Campbell. Copyright © 2006 Bruce Campbell. Excerpted by permission of St. Martin's Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Product details
- ASIN : B0151V70HS
- Publisher : Thomas Dunne Books; Reprint edition (October 1, 2015)
- Publication date : October 1, 2015
- Language : English
- File size : 47107 KB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Not Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Sticky notes : On Kindle Scribe
- Print length : 370 pages
- Best Sellers Rank: #1,396,164 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #915 in American Humorous Fiction
- #1,372 in Humorous American Literature
- #3,488 in Satire Fiction
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
I'm a B movie actor by day, director of B Movies by night and a writer of books in-between. Check out my new book Hail to the Chin, Further Confessions of a B Movie Actor August 15th!
Tour info here: http://www.bruce-campbell.com/booktour
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I read this book on my Kindle because after all "It's the coming thing Socrates." to abuse a Brisco County Jr. line. Back to the topic. This book is everything you expect from Campbell before cracking the cover. It is just plain fun to read. I suspect that was all he was really shooting for. He wanted the reader to have fun. Likewise, I suspect that is a metaphor for his career. I get the impression from his books as well as his roles that Bruce Campbell sees no point in doing anything he does not enjoy. These books and his acting roles are all evidence of that. This book is no departure from that goal. Campbell is talented enough as a writer to pen a New York Best Seller. Someday he might - but I suspect he will only do it once realizing the book is not enough fun for him or the reader. Campbell is talented enough as an actor to take on serious "A List" roles and put an Oscar or 2 on his mantle. I suspect he will someday and afterwards he will look back on "Army of Darkness" and "The Adventures of Brisco County Jr." as his defining roles because they were FUN to make and fun to watch.
I would like to depart a bit and comment on something he wrote in "If Chins Could Kill". There was a chapter on the making of Brisco County Jr.. In it he says ,and I am paraphrasing, that there comes a point when the ratings are slipping and the suits cannot put their fingers on "why" the ratings are slipping. I can answer that and I would take this to the bank. Brisco County Jr. was one of Campbells more endearing roles. The show as a winner. The show lost some of it's less committed fans when the SciFi aspect of the show was removed. The orbs were gone, cripplingly attractive nude time traveling babes stopped appearing, and arch-villain from the future - Bly was reduced to a pile of ash. The show slipped after that. A comedy cowboy show with Scifi appeal, Elvis impersonators as local Sheriffs that feature Bruce Cambell cannot help but be a hit and it was. But the suits and the writers on the West Coast always screw up a good thing by trying to reengineer a success. They did it to Brisco just like they did it to Cheers and countless other successful shows. They take a winning formula and screw it up everytime. They are so diferentiated mentally from the typical American viewer that they are oblivious to the obvious answers when trying to decide where they went wrong. Make no mistake Bruce - they screwed up your show and they owe you big time. Hell they owe the fans too. You have had great roles - but Brisco was your most endearing role to date. My kid was 8 when the show was cancelled. We watched it together and we loved it. Brisco was a hero to my kid in the way George Reeves (from the old Superman TV Show) was a hero to me when I was his age and I was totally cool with that. And I loved the pure entertainment factor not to mention Kelly Rutherford was Hot! That show would still be on if the execs and writers possessed a small amount of common sense and connection to the American public.
As for the book - you will not split your sides laughing. It's not that kind of book. But you will continuously chuckle and you will not want to put it down. This book is written so vividly and in such a way that you find yourself wondering if many of the scenarios did not actually happen to Campbell at some point in his career. Then you dismiss them saying, "Naaaah, couldn't have happened. It's just to absurd." Then you remember that Campbell is talking about Hollywood where the absurd commonplace. In summation - Just read the bloody book!!! You will love it!!! It will never be read by Oprah and her gaggle of overpriveleged housefraus but then again, who cares what she thinks? Steadman can't even stand her anymore. I've read it. It was a really fun read on the plane from Dubai to Atlanta. I woke a few people up giggling a few times. So I think I sold a few copies for Campbell by intriguing the people watching me try to hold back a laugh a few times. You will love the book. Go for it.
Now I will resume my goal of getting Brisco County Jr back on the air where it belongs and acquiring an autographed copy of this or any of Campbells other books. If I get that show back on the air Campbell has to promise me a walk-on part in at least 2 episodes. Deal? C'mon Campbell - don't pretend you don't read these reviews. Is it a deal?
Make Love is a fantastic opportunity to hang with Bruce - sometimes, with Bruce Campbell the actor, sometimes with Bruce the man, and sometimes with the somewhat-unbalanced little imp that likely causes mental health professionals to reach for medication...
If you have a sense of humor, the ability to laugh at yourself (or at least, to laugh at Bruce as he laughs at himself), and any interest at all in the making of movies, Bruce's book will be worth your time and your dime. Bruce is an engaging writer who manages to sound, on paper, the way he seems in his films and TV series. His books read quickly and comfortably, and leave you feeling like the two of you have just finished clearing a six-pack and shooting the cans off the porch rail (even if, like me, you don't drink beer).
Yes, I am a fan - and if I wasn't before, I would be after reading this book.
Lots of goodies for Evil Dead fans for sure with a fictionalized version of an actor from Evil Dead 2 featured in the later part of the story. I have a few complaints however. The book should have been a bit longer! Maybe it’s because I enjoyed it but I also felt that the story ends rather abruptly and didn’t have much of a cathartic ending to tie up all the loose ends and unfortunate events that happened to this fictionalized version of Bruce Campbell. Just as the climax is reached the book just ends. Although it doesn’t end on a cliffhanger I feel it does leave something to be desired. There were also a few great ideas floating around in the book that I thought should have also went somewhere. Faux Bruce talks about his publishing agent wanting him to write a relationship advice book. I would have loved to have seen this speckled throughout. I was expecting a comedic relationship advice book filled with masculinity and self deprecating humor in a Bruce Campbell way but it wasn’t the case although the self deprecating humor is there at least. Also the romcom he’s working on with Richard Gere goes nowhere and I was expecting to see that story come to fruition in the book as well.
Still a super fun read if you love this man but unfortunately it’s way too short and definitely does not have a satisfying ending. It is probably too much to ask since acting is his main gig but I hope Bruce Campbell writes more works of fiction because his style is entertaining and hilarious.
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Und wiedereinmal hat es Bruce geschafft ein wirklich sehr gutes Buch zu schreiben.
Im Vergleich zum ersten kann man es meiner Meinung nach viel besser lesen, und man braucht nicht so oft einen Übersetzter, da es ja in Englisch geschrieben ist.
Auch wer eigentlich keine Biographien oder englischen Bücher liest, sollte dieses Buch lesen, da es wirklich sehr lustig ist.
Jeder Bruce Campbell Fan sollte es in seiner Sammlung haben und jeder der gerne lacht sollte es sich kaufen.
Ein wirklich gelungenes Buch!!!
Der Mann ist lebendiger Kult!
Und er hat schon zwei Bücher geschrieben (das erste, "If Chins could kill", ist ebenfalls sehr lesenswert).
Darum nur eins: "Groovy."