Trying to find a book of real substance in the Christian Living section at the bookstore can be more challenging than finding a Young Adult novel that doesn’t include a post-dystopian, star-crossed, vampire couple dying from cancer.
When my eyes fell upon The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas my initial reaction was, “Oh, fantastic. Another Christian dating advice book. I swear if I hear the word courtship one more time I will become a eunuch!” Okay, maybe not.
But seriously, I’ve read dozens of Christian dating books and very few have ever made much of an impact. Many of them lack real depth and are often very “me” focused. I was ready to move on to another shelf when a couple things caught my eye about this one.
First off, I’m a big fan of the author, Gary Thomas. If you’re unfamiliar with Thomas, he’s penned many thoughtful books on marriage, parenting, and spiritual formation. Second, the tagline intrigued me, “What if it’s not about who you marry, but why?” I knew I had to give it a read.
Thomas charitably dispels a lot of the common myths of Christian dating and marriage. He gives thoughtful, practical advice for the “sacred search” while never losing focus of the bigger picture which he believes is summed up perfectly in Matthew 6:33, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”
In addition to be a husband and father for many years, Thomas has counseled countless couples, and unfortunately, watched many of them end in divorce. While there’s no exact formula to avoid divorce, he points out the common pitfalls people stumble into when selecting a spouse.
His tone is always candid, direct, and conversational. His wisdom and maturity shines through in way that many other authors lack. And his advice is useful no matter where you currently are in life - single, in a relationship, or already married.
Some of my favorite chapters included:
The Religious Romance Lottery
“…God will bring the right person to me at the right time. I’ll just sit back and wait” Yeah. Right. Because sitting around is usually the best way to guarantee something amazing will happen in your life.
For some reason we think that it’s different with relationships and I’ll admit that I have been guilty of the same logic. But Thomas encourages readers to look beyond praying and waiting. Start living with intention, walk towards the music, and pursue love.
Soul Mate or Sole Mate?
I feel this one ties closely to the idea of same thought as Romance Lottery. Many people believe there is the “One” person whom God has predestined to be their spouse. It’s a romantic notion. But there’s a danger in this mindset since the only One we are truly destined for is our Lord.
What You Don’t Know Really Can Hurt You
He explores the impact of personal history, particularly how our sexual history can affect our relationships. He attempts to address all of the other baggage that growing up in post-sexual revolution culture brings with it.
Other chapters break down the common marriage styles, helping the reader to do a little introspection and consider what’s really important in a relationship. It’s not about finding someone who is exactly like you, but someone who is compatible.
There is a whole chapter dedicated to the importance of mutually agreed upon gender roles. It’s an issue that can completely derail a relationship, especially in Christian circles, if not agreed upon.
He is also unafraid to address the raw, biological forces that come into play with attraction and romance. Too many pastors, Christian psychologists, and writers foolishly shy away from this topic. While he isn’t a scientist, I admire his willingness to recognize and discuss the significance biology plays in affection and love.
I could go on and on since this book is full of little gold nuggets but you should check it for yourself. It’s quick, yet powerful read.
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| Nine Essential Conversations Before You Say I Do | A Lifelong Love Updated & Revised | The Sacred Search Updated & Revised | |
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The Sacred Search | Gary Thomas | INSIDE LOOK & REVIEW
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Purchase this if you’re thinking of getting married.
This book was absolutely amazing to read! I passed it along to my boyfriend for him to read as well, because I wanted him to gain the knowledge that this book blessed me with too.
Top reviews from other countries
Alba Matamoros I.
Consejos valiosos de vida
Reviewed in Mexico on February 13, 2021
Tiago
A pergunta a ser feita não é com quem, mas porque?
Reviewed in Brazil on December 10, 2017
Matrice Naxon
Higly recommended before you start thinking about marriage
Reviewed in Germany on September 4, 2019Elisabeth G.
Thoughtful teaching on marriage! A book to recommend
Reviewed in France on April 25, 2019