It is stories like this one that make us realize how true it is.
Looking at the cover, you see a beautiful couple that have found love and happiness together. To echo Justin (one of the authors): you wouldn’t know what they’ve been through just by looking.
Alexis and Justin Black dive deep into their painful and traumatic pasts to bring what they have learned as foster kids - about themselves and life - to the light. How they want to, and have changed to bring them to where they are today, and for us, the readers, to gain knowledge from their experiences that could help us in our own lives, regardless of whether we are foster kids ourselves or not.
This book also gives light to the lives of foster children. It makes you realize there are many circumstances that can lead to becoming a foster child, and how much negative outlook there is for them. This book is going to help change that; this book gives hope and confidence.
I commend Alexis and Justin for being openly raw about their experiences; experiences that can never be easily shared, nor presented in a “pleasant” way.
This book is a must-read.
The organization of the sections, and the switching between individual perspectives of the authors instead of having a third person narrate gives an intimate and vulnerable feel. There are moments that make your stomach turn, or make your heart heavy, and yet also moments of happiness for them both as they reach a better place. From learning stats about foster children, and seeing the examples from how both Alexis and Justin fit and yet also defy those stats in their achievements, there is so much to learn.
It also makes you reflect on how you grew up, and what examples were given to you, about love and many other aspects of life. You think about what was healthy and what was not, and how you can change that in yourself.
I also like how they included verses from the Bible that combat negative stats about foster kids. God loves everyone, no matter who you are or what you’ve been through.
The forewords by Marcy Pusey and Rob Scheer were both beautiful, and provides some insight from a foster parent and a former foster kid who became a foster parent themselves. Thank you Marcy and Rob for sharing your thoughts and your experiences as well.
It was definitely God’s work in that Marcy and Alexis and Justin were able to connect and bring this book into the world.
As others are saying, this is a much-needed book in today’s world, where voices from places hardly thought of need more light. I look forward to finishing the book!
Thank you Alexis and Justin for sharing your stories, being open, and for helping bring hope to your readers! May God bless you both with lots of happiness, good health, and success!
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More like Redefining Normal : How Two Foster Kids Beat The Odds and Discovered Healing, Happiness and Love
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Reviews with images
Imperative read for foster and adoptive parents
The book came in perfect condition but I included this tattered picture of it because I wanted to show how I was so captivated by it, I took it nearly everywhere with me so I could read whenever I got a minute or two here and there, resulting in a more seasoned look.I cried more times than I can count while reading this. There were tears of sorrow, tears of pride, and tears of hope. I saw so much hope for my two (adopted) sons who are continually clawing their way through the emotional valleys of residual trauma. I see adult versions of my boys in both Alexis and Justin throughout the book by how hard my boys have worked to overcome all they’ve been through while still trying to figure out how to navigate first family relationships (and even a previous foster placement).This book helped me more thoroughly think about how to be a better mom to my boys and be more mindful about how I say things, when I say things, and how they are received. It also helped me feel like I had permission to acknowledge my own past toxic relationships and relieve myself of guilt for enforcing boundaries (even when I perceive others as judging me for doing so). Though I have a strong marriage, it also helped me identify some opportunities for growth as a wife, too.If you work with kids who have experienced trauma, this is a must read. If you work with any other humans, this is a must read. You can never tell by looking at someone what they have been through. Like they say towards the end of the book, “Imagine if we looked like what we’ve been through.” A little compassion for everyone around us would make this world a much better place. This book is a great motivator to treat others a little bit better than we’ve done before.
Top reviews from the United States
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Reviewed in the United States on November 8, 2020
Reviewed in the United States on November 8, 2020
Reviewed in the United States on March 23, 2021
I cried more times than I can count while reading this. There were tears of sorrow, tears of pride, and tears of hope. I saw so much hope for my two (adopted) sons who are continually clawing their way through the emotional valleys of residual trauma. I see adult versions of my boys in both Alexis and Justin throughout the book by how hard my boys have worked to overcome all they’ve been through while still trying to figure out how to navigate first family relationships (and even a previous foster placement).
This book helped me more thoroughly think about how to be a better mom to my boys and be more mindful about how I say things, when I say things, and how they are received. It also helped me feel like I had permission to acknowledge my own past toxic relationships and relieve myself of guilt for enforcing boundaries (even when I perceive others as judging me for doing so). Though I have a strong marriage, it also helped me identify some opportunities for growth as a wife, too.
If you work with kids who have experienced trauma, this is a must read. If you work with any other humans, this is a must read. You can never tell by looking at someone what they have been through. Like they say towards the end of the book, “Imagine if we looked like what we’ve been through.” A little compassion for everyone around us would make this world a much better place. This book is a great motivator to treat others a little bit better than we’ve done before.
Imperative read for foster and adoptive parents
Reviewed in the United States on March 23, 2021
The book came in perfect condition but I included this tattered picture of it because I wanted to show how I was so captivated by it, I took it nearly everywhere with me so I could read whenever I got a minute or two here and there, resulting in a more seasoned look.Reviewed in the United States on March 23, 2021
I cried more times than I can count while reading this. There were tears of sorrow, tears of pride, and tears of hope. I saw so much hope for my two (adopted) sons who are continually clawing their way through the emotional valleys of residual trauma. I see adult versions of my boys in both Alexis and Justin throughout the book by how hard my boys have worked to overcome all they’ve been through while still trying to figure out how to navigate first family relationships (and even a previous foster placement).
This book helped me more thoroughly think about how to be a better mom to my boys and be more mindful about how I say things, when I say things, and how they are received. It also helped me feel like I had permission to acknowledge my own past toxic relationships and relieve myself of guilt for enforcing boundaries (even when I perceive others as judging me for doing so). Though I have a strong marriage, it also helped me identify some opportunities for growth as a wife, too.
If you work with kids who have experienced trauma, this is a must read. If you work with any other humans, this is a must read. You can never tell by looking at someone what they have been through. Like they say towards the end of the book, “Imagine if we looked like what we’ve been through.” A little compassion for everyone around us would make this world a much better place. This book is a great motivator to treat others a little bit better than we’ve done before.
Images in this review
Reviewed in the United States on January 6, 2024
Reviewed in the United States on November 8, 2020
When we allow our story to become God's story it changes everything. As a foster and adoptive parent and friend to many who have gone through the "system" and experienced trauma, this book is a must-read. This raw, real and hope-filled book is accessible to anyone who has ever experienced shame, trauma, sexual abuse, and doubted that a broken system or unanswered prayers can be redeemed. Alexis and Justin affirm that these experiences can be used to form resiliency, determination, health, hope in a new legacy.
You do not need to be a social worker, foster youth, caseworker or mental health professional to understand the impact or identify with the narrative of this book.
You do not need to be a social worker, foster youth, caseworker or mental health professional to understand the impact or identify with the narrative of this book.
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Top reviews from other countries
LoriM
Wishing These Two Well but Book Difficult to Read
Reviewed in Canada on November 13, 2020