“I remember when we were in Seattle,” says the Christian. “There were seventy thousand people who wanted to come hear this man, and he can’t even speak English properly.”
The Buddhist let out a big belly laugh.
“It’s really not nice,” the Christian continues. “You really need to pray that I become a little more popular like you.”
And so Archbishop Desmond Tutu, talking to the Dalai Lama, opens one of the most delightful and profound books I’ve read. “The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World” reveals a week’s visit of face-to-face conversations between the two Nobel Peace Prize laureates. The retired Anglican priest flew thousands of miles to celebrate the Dalai Lama’s 80th birthday in his adopted home of Dharamsala, India; he was exiled from Tibet in 1959.
The two, who consider each other “his mischievous spiritual brother,” collaborate with editor and writer Douglas Abrams, who’s worked with a number of spiritual teachers and scientific pioneers and who describes himself as both “secular” and “a Jew.”
“From the beginning,” Abrams says, “this book was designed as a three-layer birthday cake.” The first layer: The teachings of the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu on joy. The second layer: The latest science on joy and all the other qualities believed essential for enduring happiness. The third layer: The stories of being in Dharamsala with these two icons throughout this week.
"The Book of Joy" is divided into three parts: Day 1—The Nature of True Joy; Days 2&3—The Obstacles to Joy; Days 4&5—The Eight Pillars of Joy.
Close friends (“very close,” the Dalai Lama says), the two spiritual masters compare notes on such issues as beauty and suffering; fear, stress, and anxiety; loneliness and despair; frustration and anger; perspective and humility; humor, forgiveness and gratitude; compassion and generosity.
This book is no academic dialogue. You see, hear, and feel tears and hugs, joking and teasing, prayer and meditation, and deep insights into life’s most perplexing issues. And there’s little or no discussion of “religious theologies.” Yet a pure, clear stream of mature spiritual experience flows through from front cover to back. This book reveals the ebb and flow of eighteen decades of hard-won, sometimes tragic lessons pressed into one week’s singular encounter.
Here are a few teaser quotes that may whet your appetite…
On unhappiness: The Dalai Lama says so much of our unhappiness originates within our own mind and heart—in how we react to the events in our life. “Mental immunity is just learning to avoid the destructive emotions and to develop the positive ones. First, we must understand the mind—the diverse thoughts and emotions we experience on a daily basis. Some of these thoughts and emotions are harmful, even toxic, while others are healthy and healing. The former disturb our mind and cause much mental pain. The latter bring us true joyfulness.”
On hope vs. optimism: “I say to people I’m not an optimist, because that is something that depends on feelings more than the actual reality,” says Archbishop Tutu. “We feel optimistic, or we feel pessimistic. Now, hope is different in that it is based not on the ephemerality of feelings but on the firm ground of conviction. I believe with a steadfast faith that there can never be a situation that is utterly, totally hopeless. Hope is deeper and very, very close to unshakable. It’s in the pit of your tummy. It’s not in your head. It’s all here,” he says, pointing to his abdomen.
On anger: Underlying anger, according to the Dalai Lama, is a fear that we will not get what we need, that we are not loved, that we are not respected, that we will not be included. “Now medical scientists say that constant fear, constant anger, constant hatred harms our immune system.”
On suffering and adversity: The Archbishop was asked: So how did Nelson Mandela survive twenty-seven years of impoverishment and imprisonment and emerge as someone of immense magnanimity? Why do you think he was able to see his suffering as ennobling rather than embittering?
“He didn’t see it. It happened,” says the Archbishop, who earlier explained that suffering can either embitter us or ennoble us and that the difference lies in whether we are able to find meaning in our suffering. “It seems almost without fail that generosity of spirit requires that we will have experienced, if not suffering then at least frustrations…It is probably something like your muscle. If you want a good muscle tone, you work against it, offering it resistance, and it will grow. You can’t expand the volume of your chest just by sitting. You have to walk up mountains.”
On humor and laughter: “It is much better when there’s not too much seriousness,” says the Dalai Lama. “Laughter, joking is much better. Then we can be completely relaxed. I met some scientists in Japan, and they explained that wholehearted laughter—not artificial laughter—is very good for your heart and your health in general. (People who laugh) are less likely to have a heart attack than those people who are really serious and who have difficulty connecting with other people. Those serious people are in real danger.”
Adds Abrams: “Having worked with many spiritual leaders, I’m tempted to see laughter and a sense of humor as a universal index of spiritual development. The Archbishop and the Dalai Lama were certainly at the top of that index, and they skewered humbug, status, injustice, and evil, all with the power of humor.”
This should give you a taste of “The Book of Joy.” I’ve read it once, and I suspect I’ll read it and refer to it scores of times more.
—Carlen Maddux, author of
A Path Revealed: How Hope, Love and Joy Found Us Deep in a Maze Called Alzheimer's
which was released October 2016.
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Popular Highlights in this book
According to Lyubomirsky, the three factors that seem to have the greatest influence on increasing our happiness are our ability to reframe our situation more positively, our ability to experience gratitude, and our choice to be kind and generous.Highlighted by 12,029 Kindle readers- Suffering is inevitable, they said, but how we respond to that suffering is our choice. Not even oppression or occupation can take away this freedom to choose our response.Highlighted by 9,665 Kindle readers
- There are going to be frustrations in life. The question is not: How do I escape? It is: How can I use this as something positive?Highlighted by 9,452 Kindle readers
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A book to cherish for years.
I don't know why I didn't read this when it first came out, as I respect both of these men.It is one of the most influential books I've read, and it simply brings you joy as you move through the pages. The stories they share of the challenges they've faced in their lives and yet still find space for joy are breathtaking. The book now lives within my heart, and I will carry it forever.
Top reviews from other countries
E V
Interesante, entretenido e inspirador. Vale la pena
Reviewed in Mexico on February 18, 2023
anna
A book that should be in the scholastic syllabus.
Reviewed in Italy on August 1, 2022
Laëtitia Nguyen (Blog About L.)
Joyful & Peaceful reading!
Reviewed in France on April 1, 2022