My thanks and gratitude to Dr Ramani Durvasula for writing this most enlightening book to inform and empower victims of narcissists abuse. Dr Ramani's insight into narcissistic patterns of behavior and solutions for how victims of narcissistic abuse can deal with narcissists, is a welcome voice of sanity and reassurance, for those of us who have 'fallen down the rabbit hole' of narcissists' twisted, distorted and perverted model of the world. At the Narcissist's core is cruelty, and all other vices spill out through it.
So, here's what I learned from this book: Narcissists are self-loathing, self contemptuous severely disturbed and dysfunctional individuals, who project their self loathing, self contempt and unscrupulous actions onto others. When narcissists behave hatefully and contemptuously towards you, they're simply telling you how they feel about themselves. Emotionally stunted having the emotional maturity of children. Narcissists are small children in grown up bodies. So, if you feel comfortable having sex with Narcissists, let alone having a child with a narcissist. Having a child? With a child? You feel comfortable having sex with one who is essentially a child? Sex with Peter Pan/Wendy? WOW! Narcissists will commit crimes against you in the guise of care and concern for you. Narcissists have neither appreciation for others nor appreciation for anything. An infinitely bottomless pit of greed and ingratitude. Enough is NEVER enough for narcissists because they have an inner hollowness/void of self that can NEVER be filled. Much the same /similar to Black Holes in Outer Space that insatiably suck up/annihilate everything in their path. This hollowness /void in Narcissists/Sociopaths/Psychopaths is described by many mental health specialists as the very real and true face of toxic evil. Not Satan, not the Devil, but the hollowness/void in Narcissists/Sociopaths/Psychopaths is the true embodiment of the most toxic evil. NSPs mistake kindness, sincerity and integrity for weakness and stupidity and license to take advantage. How smart is that? When you do Narcissists a kindness, they will gladly accept and simultaneously resent you for it and then PUNISH you for it. How sane is that? Narcissists will twist and distort your words to ensure that you end up offending and insulting others by proxy. Narcissists will also accuse you of their own actions, (projecting) and make you responsible for THEIR OWN actions. Turning you into the bad guy - by proxy. Very topsy turvy, crazy stuff in their brains! Anti-Social Personality Disorder also known as MENTAL INSANITY. Narcissists habitually call others derogatory nicknames. Narcissists want everyone to hate good people. Narcissists need to have someone they can all hate together, because when they don't have someone they can all hate together, they end up unleashing their hatred onto each other.
The worse their severe mental disturbance/insanity, the worse they speak of others behind their backs, and the worse they speak of YOU behind your back. Narcissists slander and assassinate others' character with impunity, because they have no conscience. Smear campaigns and character assassination is the Narcissist's forte. Narcissists LOVE gossip. Others' misfortunes are a huge source of enjoyment and satisfaction for narcissists. Narcissists neither hold themselves responsible nor accountable for their own actions and failure. It's always someone else's fault. Blaming and projecting their own failure/s onto others. Smearing their own turds onto others. Narcissists think they can walk in the rain and not get wet. There is nothing Narcissists would not stoop to, to get their own way. Predatory, stalking, threat and blackmail form part of their MO. Whatever it takes to get their own way and get what they want, regardless how it affects others. Their insatiable thirst for public admiration, accolades, wealth, power and status to bolster their non existent self worth. Publicly presenting themselves as wonderful upstanding citizens, while destroying others where there are no witnesses. Humans are considered by narcissists merely as tools to be used and discarded. Like someone once said, "If the only tool you have is a hammer, soon everything begins to look like a nail". No-one exists nor is part of the narcissist's total and all consuming universe of self absorption and self interest.
Narcissists lie, cheat and steal. This defining trifecta of behavior goes hand in hand with their love of Money, Power and Control. If a person lies, then they most certainly will own the rest of their rogues gallery of behaviors. Lying, cheating and stealing is at the very core of their sociopathic nature. Narcissists don't share, are jealous of others, vindictive and vengeful. The "Cruelest Coupling of Malice and Revenge" ~ Wm Shakespeare. Do yourself a favor: AVOID NARCISSISTS LIKE THE PLAGUE. Narcissists are like the HERPES OF CIVILITY and at their very core, BREATHING, WALKING, TALKING TOXIC EVIL. Their insane sense of self entitlement causes them to wreak havoc and destruction wherever they are. Narcissists consider themselves above the Law. They will stop at nothing to get what they want - they would even threaten to murder one who stands in their way of getting what they want. Narcissists will isolate you from your friends and loved ones. They hijack your family and friends and turn your family and friends against you. Narcissists destroy lives, families, careers, reputations, communities and even countries. Narcissists will help you, then harm you, then blame you for it...and then PUNISH you for it! How sane is that? Narcissists have a "Lord of the Flies" mentality. Narcissists will sooner throw you under a bus than help you. Narcissists will assault your humanity until you are destroyed and annihilated.
That's how beyond crazy are narcissists. Their self loathing, and severely unhealthy over inflated self esteem, combined with their non-existent self worth, drives them to keep trying to convince the world that they are perfect. But...they can never convince themselves, because they know they are deeply flawed. The epitome of self hatred. Everything Narcissists say about you is really what they're saying about themselves. It will open your eyes to a Narcissist's true nature. Narcissists are self disrespected. Because respect begins with self and when there's no self respect, there's no respect for self, no respect for others, no respect for the Law and no respect for anything. Narcissists are the embodiment of all that is self disrespectful.
Apologizing is anathema to narcissists. They would much sooner prefer a direct lightning hit to their skull, than apologize. And if they do ever apologize, it will be without remorse and simply be used as a tool to get what they want. Narcissists continually seek external validation because they cannot stand to be alone in their own company. Considering Narcissists' extreme self-loathing renders them incapable of internal self validation, is it surprising their relentless pursuit of others' admiration and external validation? Narcissists were either ignored and or smothered/over indulged as kids. Neither loved as kids nor as adults. Narcissists harbor a deeply rooted anger/rage and self hatred.
Narcissists go out of their way to annihilate everything and anyone they perceive as a threat and or feel inferior to. Their all consuming inferiority complex drives them to destroy everything they wish they could have and destroy everyone they wish they could be. They have a lifelong chip on their shoulder, believing that the world owes them and have delusions that they are above the Law. The sheer magnitude of Narcissistic self entitlement defies all comprehension. Narcissists are like under-socialized and overly indulged children that have adult bodies aka emotional cripples. Narcissists punish and use others as scapegoats in the present, for what was done to them (done to the Narcissists) in their past. Sanity and normalcy forms no part of Narcissists' quality of communication. Hopefully in the not too distant future, those who aspire to positions of leadership and authority, will first need to pass mental sanity tests before they can be considered for eligibility.
Fortunately, the world is becoming VERY MUCH MORE AWARE of how Narcissists are, and what they do. MORE AND MORE Narcissists are being exposed and held accountable, ending up with their just desserts. Their trade mark "NARCISSISTIC SMIRK" wiped off their face.
Narcissists are DANGEROUSLY DISTURBED individuals who are beyond ill, and beyond crazy. Apparently mental health facilities won't admit narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths to their facilities because they can't help or treat them. In any case, virtually all of the above anti-socials don't believe they have a problem, and don't want help/treatment/therapy. Truth and Narcissists are not friends. Therapy would mean facing up to the truth and SHARING.
Sharing is ANATHEMA to Narcs! Narcissists tend to begin with borderline crimes against others, that escalate until the Law and or KARMA catches up with them... Sooner or later...
Criminals and prison inmates mostly have severe personality disorders. Narcissists are criminals, regardless if they've yet been caught out and or imprisoned. Every hour narcissists are out of prison, they're away from home. Is it time the Law gets up to speed with the facts of this scourge of modern day life? The fact that anti-socials are endangering/destroying the balance of global peace and global stability? And the fact that so many anti-socials are in the highest echelons of power? After all, is the Law there to keep us civil?
Narcissists think they can take what they want without consequences. Narcissists are a danger to civil society.
Narcissists have no friends - they only have cohorts, accomplices, co-conspirators and sycophants aka "Flying Monkeys". A narcissist will never have your back, unless you are their cohort, accomplice, co-conspirator, flying monkey. And that's conditional, because no matter who you are, once a narcissist has no further use for you, you will be discarded and abandoned in no time.
Narcissists are extremely TOXIC, DANGEROUS individuals who present a charade of being human. But they can never be human, because they do not own the qualities associated with being human - namely: empathy, compassion, conscience and sympathy. According to human behavioral specialists, Narcissists' defining lack of human qualities, is an inner infinite emptiness and hollowness, that is the root cause of all that is evil.
Little do Narcissists know that if they owned their conscience, they would be perfect human beings. If narcissists only understood that they can have a life filled with love, peace and abundance, if they prioritized kindness, sincerity and integrity as their behavioral default. Unfortunately, narcissists don't want love and peace. They only want infinite control over others, infinite wealth, infinite power over others, infinite attention, infinite adoration/admiration and to cause as much drama, destruction and catastrophe as possible. Mind blowing insanity hiding in plain sight! If you could be a fly on the wall in the family home of a Narcissist, and witness what happens behind closed doors, you would run screaming for the hills. The timeless classic TV series 'Keeping Up Appearances' says it all in the twisted, distorted, dysfunctional and Narcissistic nature of the aptly named Hyacinth Bucket ahem "Bouquet" (Hyacinth: a parasitic water plant that strangles and kills all plants in it's path), and the havoc she causes her long suffering husband Richard and long suffering family, neighbors and community. Tragicomedy we can all laugh and cry about, and if we have the slightest insight, we might even learn something. Narcissists spend their lives showing off and keeping up appearances. Narcissists are chronically and endlessly dissatisfied. You can NEVER please a narcissist, because narcissists only want endless power, control and wealth. Social media seems to be tailor made for Narcissists. According to a number of psychologists, any individual that has over 300 friends on social media is more than likely a Narcissist. Narcissists are the embodiment of unhappiness, providing us all with a road map of how not to be. Should you ever find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, jealousy, lies and insecurities...Don't be mad...Remember things could be worse: You could be them. Question: what if everyone who's done you wrong, was on the plan to make you great?
The real tragedy in life is Narcissists... because if you are oblivious or remain oblivious to the DEVASTATING harm Narcissists cause, Narcissists will take you Emotional Hostage and Financial Hostage and ultimately DESTROY your Life and your Soul.
Narcissists' play book: "One rule for me and another for thee".
"We are all entitled to be treated with dignity, consideration and respect. To some people that's obvious, to others it comes as important news" ~ Harvard Business Review
I highly recommend reading this book, because the information in it will save your sanity, save you a lot of unnecessary heartache, and may possibly save your life. The GREAT news is that Dr Durvasula has written a new book - It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People
Narcissists know the words, but not the music...
"How we are as adults, is a reflection of what each of us learned as a kid, in the place where we were raised" ~ Anonymous
'The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice' ~ Theodore Parker
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I wish I could give her more than 5 stars because she has gone above & beyond with this book.
Dr Ramani has truly saved my sanity. Her book includes sections where she pauses to ask the reader questions to get them to reflect on how they feel about how they were treated, it was a powerful ‘eureka’ moment in which it dawned on me I hadn’t been allowing myself to truly feel it. To reeeeally ‘feel it’ & process what I’d been through.
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