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Penelope Bloom
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Kiss Kiss Fang Fang: A Sucky Vampire Romantic Comedy Kindle Edition

by Penelope Bloom (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
4.2 4.2 out of 5 stars 2,311 ratings
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I don’t usually fang and tell, but she earned an exception.
The hapless woman who accidentally released me.
The one who nearly got herself killed mere hours later.
So I saved her, but my help came with a price.

The only way to save her life was to bond her–to link us so powerfully we’d have to spend every waking hour together for the next few weeks.

I was ready for the bond, but I wasn’t ready for her.

Her impossible to crush perky outlook. Her big eyes that never seem to dim, no matter how far into my blackened soul they saw.

I thought I’d lost the ability to care centuries ago, but it appears I was wrong.

The insufferable woman won’t rest until she’s forced me to do the unthinkable. To… enjoy her company.

It’s ridiculous, but all I need to do is outlast the bond.

To outlast my growing fear that I’m not as numb as I thought.

I’m in danger of feeling something for this human that I can’t afford to feel. Because the only thing more dangerous for her than my enemies is if I can’t let her go.

Author’s Note: Get sucked into this high stakes, fang-fest of paranormal, romantic comedy fun with an out-of-his-element vampire grump and the upbeat woman who refuses to let things go according to plan.
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  1. Print length
    322 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Sticky notes
    On Kindle Scribe
  4. Publication date
    January 6, 2021
  5. File size
    1699 KB
  6. Page Flip
    Enabled
  7. Word Wise
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  8. Enhanced typesetting
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Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B08SDWCPG4
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Amazon Digital Services (January 6, 2021)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ January 6, 2021
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 1699 KB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 322 pages
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.2 4.2 out of 5 stars 2,311 ratings

About the author

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Penelope Bloom

Penelope Bloom

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USA Today, Wall Street Journal, and Amazon Charts Bestselling author Penelope is most known around the house for using every pot, pan, and utensil in the entire kitchen to butter a piece of bread. Penelope writes mostly rom coms and prides herself on her relatable characters, fun, light-hearted stories, and avoiding the dreaded "if they would just talk to each other like adults, none of that would have ever happened" trope.

Customer reviews

4.2 out of 5 stars
4.2 out of 5
2,311 global ratings
Too cute!
5 Stars
Too cute!
Such a cute book. I absolutely loved the banter between Cara and Lucian and how she makes him eat out of the palm of her hand. Vlad is hilarious with all his talk of "torture" and his drama queen ways. It has lots drama, some suspense and steamy parts too. I can't wait to see what happens next. I voluntarily received an ARC copy of this book and I have left my honest review.
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Top reviews from the United States

Elizabeth F.
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Paranormal RomCom
Reviewed in the United States on February 20, 2024
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I loved this book. The chemistry and banter between characters was great. It was enjoyable and laugh out loud funny. Highly recommend!!
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Rose
4.0 out of 5 stars Chatting With Chocolate romance book club review
Reviewed in the United States on February 4, 2021
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Kiss Kiss Fang Fang by Penelope Bloom

Our book club has read quite a few of Ms. Bloom’s books before, and we’ve enjoyed most, if not all, of them. This story is a first for the author in the paranormal romance sub-genre. The narrative is an all out spoof of
vampire folklore and romances. At the center of the hilarity is the burgeoning relationship between Cara and Lucien. There are moments of drama, gun fights, and the push-pull between Cara and Lucian as they navigate the possibility of a lasting relationship.

Cara is a woman driven to find a treatment, a remedy, to a rare blood disorder that took the life of her dearest friend. Her character strengths, the way she battles for what and who she loves, her ability to see the potential in difficult situations, and how she adapts to the strange conditions she finds herself surrounded with.

Lucian and his “siblings” have been imprisoned for a century with no likelihood of escape. One klutzy action sets them free and puts Cara in his path. He has a good heart and tries the best his to protect Cara from the events their release has set in motion.

As we all have encountered in most new story-lines, the author takes time to build the universe for us. Because of that, the narrative is a little slow at the beginning, but the plot is captivating. Cara and Lucien are entertaining, both as a couple and individually. My personal complaint of our principal characters are her many TSTL moments and his stubbornness to protect her during daytime hours!!

The campy humor coupled with the vampire twist makes for a an enjoyable story. There are several laugh out loud moments. The secondary figures are varied and entertaining. Cara’s four roommates are fun and sweet. Their personalities are all over the place and an a funny mix. We would have liked seeing more of them. From Lucien’s side, Alaric, Seraphina, and Vlad are bold and ... colorful. They grow on you.

We liked the dialog between Cara and Lucian, trying to maintain an image of himself that was not working, Vlad and Alaric's crazy exploits and antics. Alaric’s delight with 21st century technology. Vlad’s constant nudity and torture references. The gun fights. The roommate’s ever present vigilance.

Our book club had so much fun with Bloom’s paranormal. The novel has left the door open for other books in this world, as there are unresolved issues. Please note, this is by no means a cliffhanger. Ms. Bloom is known for her cheeky sense of fun and salacious double entendres. If you are a first-time reader of this author, I would not recommend reading this as your initial novel. Penelope Bloom is a clever and refreshing storyteller, but I would say that some readers may need to ease into her writing style and singular sense of whimsy. Others may not. In any case, you’ll discover a new author that certainly delivers a punch!
2 people found this helpful
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Linda Reads
5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic Rom Com with vampires and a 30yo-almost-virgin who studies blood-10 Stars!
Reviewed in the United States on January 8, 2021
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Cara Skies is a klutz, sweet and lovable, but still a klutz. In a very funny scene, she breaks down a wall and unknowingly releases three vampires: Lucian, Alaric and Seraphina who had been trapped there for decades. Without realizing it she has set into motion a conflict which could end with her death and possibly a vampire war. And then there is the physical temptation between Cara and Lucian. But would he subject her to his fate?
LOVED this story. Ms. Bloom is funny at her best but this book is even more hilarious! For example, Lucian talking to a bat he “mistook for a friend of his.” Can it get any funnier?! Nope, it is hilarious in context. I dare you not to laugh out loud. Ms. Bloom has used every vampire legend I’ve ever heard of and then some. Sooo funny! I hope this is the beginning of a new series. The ending leaves us wondering about the future and a potential vampire uprising, but our couple do get their HEA or at minimum HFN.
I volunteered to review this book through Booksprout and I’d give it 10 stars if I could.
18 people found this helpful
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Calima
3.0 out of 5 stars Cute but pitters out at the end
Reviewed in the United States on February 24, 2021
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CUTE CUTE CUTE

Well written and likeable characters. Started off great. Funny, enough world building without it taking over the sweet chemistry.

Then when they finally get together its meh... and all the funny cute and sweet and even the steamy takes a back seat and Cara takes over everything and checks off all the boxes. And there is little given about why she makes these decisions that dont sound that great in the first place.

Worth a read, but not something that will stay with me past the last page... ok maybe the onion will.
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Lorraine Brattin
5.0 out of 5 stars Quite the page turner!! Loved your first paranormal book Penelope Bloom.
Reviewed in the United States on January 17, 2021
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Oh this was amazing in so many ways! First you have Cara who is a thirty year old student that only has 2 things going for her. Her student status and her love in the study of blood. Then she meets up with Lucien a vampire who saves her life and bonds with her. Only bad part is she doesn't really believe in vampires nor can she explain this bond.
As these two grow closer you meet more of Lucien's family members and my favorite is Vlad as in The Impaler. He's quite the character. Then there are the other vampires that are looking to get Lucien as he believes in the Pact which allows vampires to still be around yet only at night and not to the detriment of the humans.
Oh the sexual angst is palpable. These two want each other more life.
I absolutely loved this story and laughed out loud several times. Thank you Penelope Bloom for writing such a great paranormal story. It was well worth reading.
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Amanda Brooks
4.0 out of 5 stars Funny. Delightful.
Reviewed in the United States on April 10, 2021
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Light and funny. Cara and Lucian have great personalities. The obstacles to their being together are clear, serious, and dangerous. The conflict keeping them apart is definitely not a misunderstanding. The vampire lore part had some interesting twists on tradition. The blood bond was a clever addition, assuring that our characters must spend time together even as it made clear the dangerous consequences of staying together beyond the bond.

The side characters were fun, too. I really enjoyed Cara’s overprotective roommates, and Vlad was a hoot.

My only complaint is that sometimes Lucian’s voice in his POV chapters is a little hard to distinguish from Cara’s, so that sometimes I would lose track of who was talking and be surprised that it was Lucian and not Cara. For a vampire who’d been hibernating for 100 years, he had some pretty up-to-date vocabulary and cultural references. And this didn’t mesh with his “fish-out-water” thing in other situations.

Otherwise, this story is delightful. I definitely recommend it, and I hope Bloom will try her hand at another paranormal romance.
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Top reviews from other countries

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Carol @escrevoromance
5.0 out of 5 stars Vampiros + comédias românticas = tudo
Reviewed in Brazil on February 28, 2022
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Eu adorei esse livro

Li rapidinho, em um dia
Não conseguia parar, queria saber como ia terminar (esperando um final feliz, obviamente, já que é uma comédia romântica - tem, thank God)

Eu gostei demais
A prota super divertida, até em situações absurdas ela me fez rir com o jeitinho dela de ver e lidar com as coisas

Morri de rir em alguns momentos

Amei o romance deles

O lance de não poderem tr**sar ou ela virava vampira foi demais 🤣🤣 achei criativo

Só achei as resoluções finais do problema maior com o vampirao véio meio abertas... Não sei se vai ter outro livro continuando com outros personagens pra deixar mais fechadinho, mas espero que sim! Deveria

Bem bom pra ler e se divertir
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Tash
5.0 out of 5 stars Needs a sequel book to finish story
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 7, 2023
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It feels unfinished that there should be more not just the end it has left you wondering what will happen next.
It is a funny story.
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jessy b
5.0 out of 5 stars Fun and so much more
Reviewed in Canada on February 9, 2021
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You wouldn’t know this was her first paranormal romantic comedy. This book had me laughing, swooning, rolling my eyes at the characters antics. I loved every bit of it. I hope to see more books like this one soon, maybe a werewolf next time. Keep it going Penelope your the best.
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S
5.0 out of 5 stars Fangen book
Reviewed in Germany on March 26, 2021
Verified Purchase
Loved this vampire cute romance with lots of quirky Humor.
Vlad the poker the giant bat was a great character
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Best Laugh out Loud
Reviewed in Australia on September 17, 2023
Verified Purchase
I downloaded this booking thinking if it's a bit too twilighty I don't have to finish it. Wow was I wrong. I read a lot of rom coms, this is first that has had me laugh out loud, a lot, in a long time. If you need a bit of giggle with your romance highly recommend this book.
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