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Peggy Orenstein
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Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity Kindle Edition

by Peggy Orenstein (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 790 ratings
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NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

Now in paperback—Peggy Orenstein, author of the groundbreaking New York Times bestseller Girls & Sex, turns her focus to the sexual lives of young men. “Eye-opening…. Every few pages, the boy world cracks open a little bit…. Even in the most anxiety-provoking moments of Boys & Sex, it’s clear that Orenstein believes in the goodness of boys and the men they can become, and she believes in us, as parents, to raise them” (New York Times Book Review).

Peggy Orenstein’s Girls & Sex broke ground, shattered taboos, and launched conversations about young women’s right to pleasure and agency in sexual encounters. It also had an unexpected effect on its author: Orenstein realized that talking about girls is only half the conversation. Boys are subject to the same cultural forces as girls—steeped in the same distorted media images and binary stereotypes of female sexiness and toxic masculinity—which equally affect how they navigate sexual and emotional relationships. In Boys & Sex, Peggy Orenstein dives back into the lives of young people to once again give voice to the unspoken, revealing how young men understand and negotiate the new rules of physical and emotional intimacy.

Drawing on comprehensive interviews with young men, psychologists, academics, and experts in the field, Boys & Sex dissects so-called locker room talk; how the word “hilarious” robs boys of empathy; pornography as the new sex education; boys’ understanding of hookup culture and consent; and their experience as both victims and perpetrators of sexual violence. By surfacing young men’s experience in all its complexity, Orenstein is able to unravel the hidden truths, hard lessons, and important realities of young male sexuality in today’s world. The result is a provocative and paradigm-shifting work that offers a much-needed vision of how boys can truly move forward as better men.

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  1. Print length
    304 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Sticky notes
    On Kindle Scribe
  4. Publisher
    Harper
  5. Publication date
    January 7, 2020
  6. File size
    2280 KB
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  1. IF EMOTIONAL SUPPRESSION and disparagement of the feminine are two legs of the stool that supports “toxic masculinity,” the third is bragging about sexual conquest.
    Highlighted by 329 Kindle readers
  2. Psychologist Michael Thompson has pointed out that silence in the face of cruelty or sexism is how boys become men.
    Highlighted by 317 Kindle readers
  3. Loyalty is unconditional, and masculinity asserted through sharing sexual exploits, misogynist language, and homophobia.
    Highlighted by 270 Kindle readers
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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

An Amazon Best Book of January 2020: In her 2016 book, Girls & Sex, Peggy Orenstein spoke with hundreds of high school and college-aged girls about their thoughts on hookups, love, body shaming, virginity, abstinence, and much, much more. Now Orenstein talks with boys from the same age group, revealing that their path through the modern sexual landscape is just as twisty and thorny, if not more so, as girls’. Consent, pornography, hookup culture, gender identity, sexual preference, and a constantly changing definition of masculinity are among the issues boys struggle with and talk with her about. Orenstein’s straight-ahead questions paired with the boys’ vulnerable answers make Boys & Sex a captivating, eye-opening read. A must for anyone who has a boy or young man whom they love in their life. —Adrian Liang, Amazon Book Review

Review

"Both an examination of sexual culture and a guide on how to improve it."

--"Washington Post on Girls & Sex"

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B07RFLTCD8
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harper; Reprint edition (January 7, 2020)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ January 7, 2020
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 2280 KB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 304 pages
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 790 ratings

About the author

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Peggy Orenstein

Peggy Orenstein

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Peggy Orenstein is the author of the New York Times best-sellers Boys & Sex, Girls & Sex, Cinderella Ate My Daughter and Waiting for Daisy as well as Unraveling, Don’t Call Me Princess, Flux, and the classic SchoolGirls. A frequent contributor to The New York Times and a contributing writer for AFAR, Peggy has also written for such publications as The Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post, New York, The Atlantic and The New Yorker, and has contributed commentaries to NPR’s All Things Considered and The PBS News Hour. She has been featured on, among other programs, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, The Today Show, Morning Joe, and NPR’s Fresh Air. Her TED Talk, “What Young Women Believe About Their Own Sexual Pleasure,” has been viewed over six million times.

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
4.6 out of 5
790 global ratings
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5 Stars
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Arrived quickly and we n perfect condition. I’ve read Peggy’s other book Girls and Sex and I wanted to give this one be a shot. Accidentally ordered the hardcover.
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Top reviews from the United States

Katie and Dan Stevens
5.0 out of 5 stars insightful for parents of both boys and girls
Reviewed in the United States on August 15, 2023
Verified Purchase
Orenstein did not hold back in her interviews with the men in this book. She covers it all. Very good information on how to talk openly to your son about sex.
3 people found this helpful
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auntni
5.0 out of 5 stars Essential for any parent of boys. Candid interviews and advice for moving forward.
Reviewed in the United States on January 16, 2020
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I noticed a few years ago that among boys I’d known most of their lives, by the time they got to junior high, there was only one acceptable way to be a boy. These boys were forced to shoehorn themselves into a narrow box of masculine behavior, and it was so sad to watch. I’ve since seen the studies showing that the boys who most internalize these behaviors are more likely to binge-drink, be in car accidents, suffer depression, and even die by suicide. This book suggests some concrete ways to parent/coach/teach our boys, and help them live happier, healthier lives.

If the idea of discussing sex, relationships, and societal norms around masculinity makes you uncomfortable, imagine how uncomfortable it would be to have to call an attorney to try to get your son out of trouble. Parents, we have to do better for our kids than one quick conversation with vague instructions like “Respect women.” My favorite thing about this book is her empathy toward the boys she interviews. I can’t recommend this book highly enough.
33 people found this helpful
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Bonny
5.0 out of 5 stars Important informative book !
Reviewed in the United States on January 27, 2021
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Very important subject and well written book about boys and sex and how THEY see things ( ages approximately 16 to 22 ) and unfortunately the pressures they are under and the bad information and “ locker room “ talk and feeling as if they have no one to appropriately discuss sexual information with . It would take some serious discussion and a shifting of attitudes requiring all information and serious questions and proper discussions to repair , and a better approach to a more serious discussion about boys and young men’s feelings about sex and young relationships. Good male role models with maybe older mature men AND women may begin to address these problems and issues. Worth the read for parents, sex education teachers and possibly therapists and in general people who have sons and daughters who are concerned with getting good thoughtful caring information to teenaged boys .
7 people found this helpful
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Caroline Sherouse
4.0 out of 5 stars Enlightening and scared for young men (and women)
Reviewed in the United States on February 22, 2020
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Enlightening look into peer pressure and attitudes towards sex by youths.
One person found this helpful
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Barbara in SF
5.0 out of 5 stars A Well Researched, Important, and Timely Book
Reviewed in the United States on January 17, 2020
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Orenstein has written another very important about how young people navigate sex and relationships today. It should be read by everyone who cares about the health and wellbeing of all boys and girls including parents, educators, social workers, healthcare providers, and public officials. She treats a deeply fraught subject and those interviewed with remarkable compassion and respect. Some stories are hard to hear, all the more reason to pay attention. We can choose to ignore the impact of mass culture, the internet and pornography on young people or we can commit to shaping a society that helps them live with intention, integrity and joy now. I hope the book inspires many needed conversations.
4 people found this helpful
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Aaron Gouveia
5.0 out of 5 stars The truth about boys - straight from the source
Reviewed in the United States on January 9, 2020
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This book isn't just great, it's necessary. So many people are talking about boys -- what they think, what they say, why they do the things they do -- but very few people bothered to ask them directly. Peggy Orenstein did that and the answers she received are equal parts terrifying, enlightening, and essential if we're ever going to positively reframe manhood. Wondering why men belittle women in the locker room, call everything bad "gay," and can't seem to connect with other men? Read this book and find out straight from the source. This should be required reading for everyone--not just boys or parents of boys. Because this impacts all of us, and Orenstein captures it by doing the important work of actually talking to our boys.
80 people found this helpful
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djm
3.0 out of 5 stars weird
Reviewed in the United States on December 17, 2021
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i haven't read the whole book , it just seems like weird to me. not sure she knows what she is talking about. seems to be generalizing boys. they are not all like that
One person found this helpful
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Lori Day
5.0 out of 5 stars A must-read for parents raising sons--and daughters
Reviewed in the United States on January 16, 2020
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Peggy Orenstein has written what is sure to become a literary touchstone of the decade. Her unflinching look inside hookup culture and the world of online porn serves as a wakeup call to parents and educators in the #MeToo era. After chronicling the issues facing girls for 25 years, Orenstein turns her attention to boys, who also suffer--but in different ways--from patriarchal norms and expectations, to their emotional detriment. I couldn't put the book down. As an educational psychologist and consultant, I am thrilled to place this new book at the top of my list of resources I suggest to parents and teachers. "Boys & Sex" is going to change our culture for the better, to the benefit of kids of all genders...and the adults who love them. I could not recommend it more highly!
31 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

Devin Hogg
5.0 out of 5 stars An excellent and informative read!
Reviewed in Canada on February 19, 2020
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I highly recommend this book! Orgenstein does a masterful job of presenting the stories of North American teen and young adults in the 21st century: the pressure to blend in, the aversion to awkwardness, the role alcohol plays in hookup culture, and the intentional ambiguity of the term "hookup". She intentionally includes the experience of the queer community and those of African, Asian, and Latino descent. While Orgenstein mostly focuses on the experiences of young men who have done harm, either wittingly or unwittingly, she does also include the perspective of those who have been assaulted themselves, and includes some frank discussion of male anatomy and misconceptions therein. Throughout it all, Orgenstein challenges assumptions, focuses on the importance of language and relationships, and suggests some paths forward to break the cycle.
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DP
5.0 out of 5 stars Every mum of boys should read this!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 10, 2020
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Teaching your kids about positive relationships has never been more challenging and Peggy Orenstein does a great job of anchoring positive feelings to the experiences. It's going to be a bumpy ride for these kids but with this sage advice for the parents, we're better equipped to face it.
One person found this helpful
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hastingsmum
5.0 out of 5 stars All parents should read
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 7, 2020
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Very good and worthy book to read when raising boys but also when raising girls. As a feminist most of this was nothing new but the stuff about hook up culture was sad and shocking for me to read.
2 people found this helpful
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