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Lights On, Rats Out: A Memoir Kindle Edition
As a young college graduate a year into treatment with a psychiatrist, Cree LeFavour's began to organize her days around the cruel, compulsive logic of self-harm: with each newly lit cigarette, the world would drop away as her focus narrowed to an unblemished patch of skin calling out for attention and the fierce, blooming release of pleasure-pain as the burning tip was applied to the skin. Her body was a canvas of cruelty; each scar a mark of pride and shame.
In sharp and shocking language, Lights On, Rats Out brings us closely into these years, allowing us to feel the pull of a stark compulsion taking over a mind. We see the world as Cree did—turned upside down, the richness of life muted and dulled, its pleasures perverted. The heady, vertiginous thrill of meeting with her psychiatrist, Dr. X—whose relationship with Cree is at once sustaining and paralyzing—comes to be the only bright spot in her mental solitude.
Her extraordinary access to and inclusion of the notes kept by Dr. X during treatment offer concrete evidence of Cree’s transformation over 3 years of therapy. But it is her own evocative and razor-sharp prose that traces a path from a lonely and often sad childhood to her reluctant commitment to and emergence from a psychiatric hospital, to the saving refuge of literature and eventual acceptance of love. Moving deftly between the dialogue and observations from psychiatric records and elegant, incisive reflection on youth and early adulthood, Lights On, Rats Out illuminates a fiercely bright and independent woman’s charged attachment to a mental health professional and the dangerous compulsion to keep him in her life at all costs.
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherGrove Press
- Publication dateAugust 1, 2017
- File size3212 KB
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Editorial Reviews
Review
Eloquent, irreverent, graphically precise.
-- "Vulture"Cree LeFavour...exhibits a rare willingness to take the reader into difficult and sometimes unpleasant territory...LeFavour's tale is a gritty one...[and] is, among other things, a love story about a dedicated and gifted analyst and his difficult but equally gifted patient..This is a courageous and unsettling memoir, infused with humor as well as pain and marked throughout by a survivor's wry insight.
-- "New York Times"LeFavour uses the force of her blisteringly stark, mesmerizingly self-aware prose to not only unearth her own demons but also equip the reader with the language to articulate our own as well.
-- "Harper's Bazaar"Cree LeFavour's memoir of self-mutilation and temporary insanity isn't for the faint of heart. Rather, it's for anyone who's ever been too scared to feel or too hurt to register pain-in other words, all of us. I don't think I've ever read a more hopeful, searingly intelligent book about the distances we're capable of traveling as we find our way back to the light.
-- "Adam Ross, author of Mr. Peanut"A searing, brilliant memoir revealing the therapeutic process and its ability 'to turn our ghosts into ancestors.'
-- "Booklist (starred review)"A riveting exploration.
-- "Publishers Weekly (starred review)"Shockingly intimate.
-- "People"Meticulously constructed from detailed physician notes and her own journals, the book is both disturbing and deeply cathartic...A searingly eloquent and intelligent memoir.
-- "Kirkus Reviews (starred review)"A harrowing, beautiful, searching, and deeply literary memoir...a story of true self-salvation and transformation.
-- "Elizabeth Gilbert, New York Times bestselling author"A powerfully, staggeringly honest book that is excruciating in places, and also completely haunting. LeFavour's intimate account of her relationship with her psychiatrist is intensely compelling, forthright, and brave...a fascinating memoir in a category of its own.
-- "Dani Shapiro, author of Slow Motion"With chilled, unflinching precision, in Lights On, Rats Out, Lefavour lays bare her struggles with self-mutilation, chronicling a terrifying clash between mind and flesh. A vivid, unsettling, and powerful read.
-- "Jonathan Miles, author of Want Not"About the Author
Cree LeFavour is the author of several cookbooks. She has PhD in American Studies and taught writing at New York University.
Product details
- ASIN : B01MRZ6DKE
- Publisher : Grove Press (August 1, 2017)
- Publication date : August 1, 2017
- Language : English
- File size : 3212 KB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Not Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Sticky notes : On Kindle Scribe
- Print length : 244 pages
- Best Sellers Rank: #1,951,405 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #11,337 in Health, Fitness & Dieting (Kindle Store)
- #15,487 in Medical General Psychology
- #23,623 in Biographies & Memoirs (Kindle Store)
- Customer Reviews:
About the authors
Cree's first novel, PRIVATE MEANS will be out on May 5, 2020 from Grove Press. She is the author of the acclaimed memoir, LIGHTS ON, RATS OUT. Previously known as a food writer. She was a James Beard Award finalist for FISH.
Born in Aspen, Colorado, Cree and her family moved to central Idaho when she was nine. After taking her B.A. from Middlebury College in Vermont, she and her husband, the New York Times book critic Dwight Garner, moved to New York City where she completed her Ph.D. in American Studies at New York University. (Her dissertation on 19th-century American readers and copyright law is available on Amazon.) Cree has a son and a daughter. She lives in New York City.
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Neither she nor the MD think it odd that she began to burn her skin with lit cigarettes AFTER starting therapy with him! Even she is aware this is done to gain his attention. She craves even the touch of him changing her bandages. Did the doctor have sterile gloves on? I doubt this. How many shrinks have medical supplies in their office?
Her father paid the amount the insurance did not cover. In many states it is illegal for doctors to bill the patient for the balance. This amount is required by law to be written off.
Most of the office notes the MD turned over to her were of the CYA nature to protect himself from malpractice law suits. Private counselors are often reluctant to send patients to a hospital. Why? They fear they will lose the lucrative business of this patient to a competing doctor.
This book is a testimony to the futility and worthlessness of the pseudo science of psychiatry. The MD rarely says anything more insightful than a bartender would. He hesitates to blame her father as Dad is paying the MD bill. They know which side their bread is buttered on.
The laundry list of questions she is asked on a "standard" form asks a female patient about premature orgasms? Indeed?
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